*dusts off LiveJournal*
Yeah, so I haven't written in this darn thing in four months. Part of the reason is because I'm weird about trying to make my first post of every new year ~*~super-special awesome~*~ even though I usually end up putting up a rehashed meme that's old news by the time I get to it. Um, stuff has happened but I think I'll save that for a later that often never happens. So instead, have a stream of conscious rambling I wrote on a notebook with an awesome souvenir pen from London. Some emo, quarter-life crisising follows. orz.
I just really need to write right now. The urge to drag a ballpoint pen across fresh white paper makes me itch. What I so desperately need to write, who knows? None of this so far reads inspired in any way. If anything, I'm admiring how smoothly this souvenir pen I got from Angela scribbles. Man, I love myself good pens. They make me feel like I can write anything. The next great American novel. A frequently anthologized poem. The snappiest, most tongue-in-cheek piece of flash fiction to make you think, ponder, philosophize. Yeah, because I'm totally that great a writer. Ha. Ha. Filipina-American Amy Tan, I wish. Speaking of, I need to find my copy of The Joy Luck Club and read it before her Big Read appearance early May. Get her to sign it and Saving Fish from Drowning. Ooh, maybe seeing and meeting her will ~*~inspire~*~ me. For like an hour, maybe. I'll fool myself into believing I can do anything again. Sure, because if I could, I wouldn't be the bum of a post-graduate that I am. What the feck am I doing with my life? What am I supposed to do with it? God, give me some directions because I'm a lost little lamb. Sometimes I wish I lived in a communist state that would dictate my life. I hate making decisions. All the ones I make -- or more so, don't -- are bad. They don't get me anywhere because frankly, I'm terrified of moving forward. That's what keeps me from becoming a proper adult like most people my age. Even if they're afraid, they force themselves to take the next step. If only failure didn't paralyze me the way it does. I'm so scared of falling flat on my face and making a fool of myself that I don't even try. Chalk it up to my perfectionism, I guess. Yeah, I'm perfect at accomplishing absolutely nothing. What happened to me in college? Everyone expected greatness from me when I graduated high school. Salutatorian. Outstanding Journalism Student. That one Journalism Expo prize for best senior journalism portfolio. Wouldn't you think these were the makings of a promising individual? I thought so too, but look at me. I'm just a loser 20-something shoveling popcorn and filling fountain drinks at Muvioc and lusting over Red Mist Kick-Ass posters. Yeah. Stupid sexy Christopher Mintz-Plasse, why'd you have to be so geeky-adorable? (Shush, I know I used the "stupid sexy" trope wrong. I don't care right now.) And um, the red and black leather superhero costume doesn't help my case any. Shoot! Frick me, I'd hit it. If all this doesn't scream quarter-life crisis, I don't know what does. Well okay, the embarrassing CMP thing just means I'm a giddy girl with a weird crush, but still. The minimum wage job and sitting in front of a laptop all day part is pretty darn pathetic. Hey, at least I've been job-hunting online! Then again, if I'd been a proactive collegiate, I would've interned as a junior or senior and had a career job lined up for me after I graduated. Who wouldn't want to be me? El oh el.
Dude, what is all this ish? Guess this is what melancholy and tornado storms inspire. I need to look up another word for "inspire." I use it way too much.
This pen still rocks. I almost want to keep writing since it feels so nice on paper. I think I'm all written out, though. Any musings from here would just be psychobabble.
The hiragana on the left is his name, Kikutani Masami. Yes, I totally ripped his name off of my on-and-off again seiyuu love, Kikuchi Masami.
Katakana on the right is the series title, Astral Dreamers.
Typing all that is kind of funny and lame after skimming through Better Than It Sounds descriptions, but blah. It sums up how I've been in aimless melodrama.
Oh. I've gained a few new LJ friends from various comms and friending memes. Welcome! Hopefully now that I've posted here after so long, I'll get back in the habit of updating this here thing.
I am loving that there's now a scroll-through list with all your tags. Yay for not needing to open a separate tab to my tags page!
I just really need to write right now. The urge to drag a ballpoint pen across fresh white paper makes me itch. What I so desperately need to write, who knows? None of this so far reads inspired in any way. If anything, I'm admiring how smoothly this souvenir pen I got from Angela scribbles. Man, I love myself good pens. They make me feel like I can write anything. The next great American novel. A frequently anthologized poem. The snappiest, most tongue-in-cheek piece of flash fiction to make you think, ponder, philosophize. Yeah, because I'm totally that great a writer. Ha. Ha. Filipina-American Amy Tan, I wish. Speaking of, I need to find my copy of The Joy Luck Club and read it before her Big Read appearance early May. Get her to sign it and Saving Fish from Drowning. Ooh, maybe seeing and meeting her will ~*~inspire~*~ me. For like an hour, maybe. I'll fool myself into believing I can do anything again. Sure, because if I could, I wouldn't be the bum of a post-graduate that I am. What the feck am I doing with my life? What am I supposed to do with it? God, give me some directions because I'm a lost little lamb. Sometimes I wish I lived in a communist state that would dictate my life. I hate making decisions. All the ones I make -- or more so, don't -- are bad. They don't get me anywhere because frankly, I'm terrified of moving forward. That's what keeps me from becoming a proper adult like most people my age. Even if they're afraid, they force themselves to take the next step. If only failure didn't paralyze me the way it does. I'm so scared of falling flat on my face and making a fool of myself that I don't even try. Chalk it up to my perfectionism, I guess. Yeah, I'm perfect at accomplishing absolutely nothing. What happened to me in college? Everyone expected greatness from me when I graduated high school. Salutatorian. Outstanding Journalism Student. That one Journalism Expo prize for best senior journalism portfolio. Wouldn't you think these were the makings of a promising individual? I thought so too, but look at me. I'm just a loser 20-something shoveling popcorn and filling fountain drinks at Muvioc and lusting over Red Mist Kick-Ass posters. Yeah. Stupid sexy Christopher Mintz-Plasse, why'd you have to be so geeky-adorable? (Shush, I know I used the "stupid sexy" trope wrong. I don't care right now.) And um, the red and black leather superhero costume doesn't help my case any. Shoot! Frick me, I'd hit it. If all this doesn't scream quarter-life crisis, I don't know what does. Well okay, the embarrassing CMP thing just means I'm a giddy girl with a weird crush, but still. The minimum wage job and sitting in front of a laptop all day part is pretty darn pathetic. Hey, at least I've been job-hunting online! Then again, if I'd been a proactive collegiate, I would've interned as a junior or senior and had a career job lined up for me after I graduated. Who wouldn't want to be me? El oh el.
Dude, what is all this ish? Guess this is what melancholy and tornado storms inspire. I need to look up another word for "inspire." I use it way too much.
This pen still rocks. I almost want to keep writing since it feels so nice on paper. I think I'm all written out, though. Any musings from here would just be psychobabble.
The hiragana on the left is his name, Kikutani Masami. Yes, I totally ripped his name off of my on-and-off again seiyuu love, Kikuchi Masami.
Katakana on the right is the series title, Astral Dreamers.
Typing all that is kind of funny and lame after skimming through Better Than It Sounds descriptions, but blah. It sums up how I've been in aimless melodrama.
Oh. I've gained a few new LJ friends from various comms and friending memes. Welcome! Hopefully now that I've posted here after so long, I'll get back in the habit of updating this here thing.
I am loving that there's now a scroll-through list with all your tags. Yay for not needing to open a separate tab to my tags page!