So, at the Lightning game tonight. bleukarma and I are winding our way through the usual chaos out on the plaza - which for some ungodly reason included a brass band tonight - when a perfectly ordinary guy carrying a backpack walks up to me ( Read more... )

There is a stunt, caused by an in-joke, that I've been meaning to pull since last September. For this I needed Dave's help; specifically I needed the gloves he wore when he played beer-league hockey back up in the Panhandle. He finally found them, and I got them tonight. I told him if Riley ate one I'd replace them. He said you go ahead and ( Read more... )

This is the funniest fucking thing ever: Understanding Art, For Geeks. The Mondrians, especially, cracked me up. And the Messina. And the Warhololcat.

Today I'll be in the swamp. YAY.

KATIE WE HAVE VIDEO.



"BECAUSE I'M SICK!"

"GIRLS WHERE ARE YOU?"

One day, His Simon-ness is asked: "which is bigger - a metric shitload, or an imperial shitload?"

He replies thus: "Nobody was ever sure how much an Imperial Shitload weighed, given it was split up into 17 Imperial Shitbags, each of which was roughly equivalent to 12 backbusters, or three shillings and fourpence in change. But only on tuesdays. ( Read more... )

"Act normal! We're in a restaurant!"

Colby just called.

"Would you say a hurricane is gay or straight?" he asks.

"I, um. I don't even know how to answer that. What are they?"

"Bisexual, because they fuck everything in their path!"

I am not a "fag hag" anymore. Apparently that phrase is no longer socially acceptable.

I am now an "alternative lifestyle companion."

Perhaps I'll have that put on a business card. Indi Kovalensky, ALC.

Dave would have the phone number for the box office at the St. Pete Times Ice Palace Forum Arena Place memorized.

Alex Ovechkin: hockey player, ar-teest."It's Drinking Man, Fat Man, Man Who Have Legs, and this is Girl," he said, pointing to the last stick on the right. He said that he does the artwork himself, and that the order is, in fact, significant: the Drinking Man is his first stick, the Fat Man is his second stick, and so on ( Read more... )