(no subject)
Fuck. Everything is going so fucking wrong. I never thought it would be this bad. Or this hard. Or this draining. I keep having panic attacks and running into the bathroom and just gasping for breath and turning red and crying afterwards for short periods of time. And my mom is falling apart too. She started crying today, in the kitchen, and this gets worse and worse. I have nowhere to turn to. It's like being in a locked box, and everywhere you turn, there's just a wall. And my mom too. And even more, I feel the guilt when they fight because it all stems from me, and from things I can't control. And oh my god the money. I don't know how we're going to handle all this.
My dad's medical bill came in the mail and it's close to nine thousand dollars. $9,000. Fucking hell. $25,000+$9,000=$31,000. How does one climb out of that? And what about my fucking financial aid - I might not be getting it soon due to my FAFSA being stuck...apparently I'm not a citizen when I am. I called the passport agency today and lied about some death and tomorrow we have another appointment and god knows whether we will get it or not. I can't even breathe right now. I can't see straight, and I'm having trouble concentrating. And also, I can't stop shaking. Not my arms, but my...torso. Like...my spine. I can't catch my breath, and when I inhale fully, I feel lightheaded.
I'm sorry, I promise I will get back to every one soon. I will. I just need this to pass.
My dad's medical bill came in the mail and it's close to nine thousand dollars. $9,000. Fucking hell. $25,000+$9,000=$31,000. How does one climb out of that? And what about my fucking financial aid - I might not be getting it soon due to my FAFSA being stuck...apparently I'm not a citizen when I am. I called the passport agency today and lied about some death and tomorrow we have another appointment and god knows whether we will get it or not. I can't even breathe right now. I can't see straight, and I'm having trouble concentrating. And also, I can't stop shaking. Not my arms, but my...torso. Like...my spine. I can't catch my breath, and when I inhale fully, I feel lightheaded.
I'm sorry, I promise I will get back to every one soon. I will. I just need this to pass.