Fifteen character answers, part the first
Boy, you guys ask good questions. And lots of them, too. :D Here's my first batch of answers:
From vampry:
Daniel Jackson and Hamlet are starting a business. What kind of business is it and why did they do it in the first place?
---A gate malfunction strands Daniel in an alternate universe where Shakespeare's court of Danes are the rulers. Daniel accidentally befriends Hamlet one night in a tavern, drawn together by a mutual love of words. Daniel warns Hamlet about both the poisoned swords and the poisoned cup, and Hamlet is able to avenge his father without dying in the process. He inherits the throne, but still finds Denmark a prison and abdicates within a few months. He begs Daniel to help him remake his life, and together they start that world's first textbook publishing company, specializing in languages, history, and political theory texts.
Emma Peel, Mr. Miyagi and Severus Snape are in a bar. What are they talking about?
---Emma is surveilling an anti-government agent, whom she follows into the bar. She finds herself seated between a small, silent Asian fellow whose attention is completely absorbed in his sake, and a hook-nosed, dark-haired man whose expression clearly indicates that he prefers to be left alone. She tries to make small talk for the sake of cover, but is ignored by both men. She gives up and watches her subject. Eventually he leaves through the back door, and she follows him out, where she is ambushed by an overwhelming number of opponents. As she fights for her life, she is joined by the Asian man, who turns out to be a karate expert, and the hook-nosed man, who stuns his opponents merely by pointing a stick at them and muttering under his breath.
After the battle is over, Emma phones a message to Steed, and then she and her new friends return to the bar and take a table in the corner. They introduce themselves to each other, and Emma thanks the others for their help. After mutual congratulations, they return to drinking. Mr. Miyagi turns out to be a morose drunk, bemoaning the loss of his family, while Snape complains about being unappreciated by his peers. Emma finds herself missing their former silence, and excuses herself as soon as is decently possible.
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From izhilzha:
If Jarriere, Cyrano de Bergerac, and Snake Plissken were forced to work together (to save the world, to fight crime, whatever), what would happen?
---Jarriere has uncovered an alien plot that would result in the enslavement of the entire population of Earth. He has some difficulty making himself understood to Cyrano and Snake, but eventually he overcomes his reticence and gets his point across. Cyrano agrees that they must stop the aliens, because, after all, he's a hero in his own mind. Snake agrees just to get them both to stop bugging him. Cyrano immediately comes up with an elaborate and convoluted plan to defeat the aliens. While he's trying to explain the plan to Jarriere, Snake gets frustrated, pulls out his guns, and assaults the alien base, killing all the aliens dead, and saving the world. He disappears, leaving Jarriere and Cyrano to take the credit. At the press conference, Cyrano hides behind a curtain and whispers to Jarriere what he should say. This is such a successful partnership that, at Cyrano's suggestion, Jarriere goes into politics and eventually becomes leader of a United Earth. He and Cyrano live out the rest of their lives in prosperity and camaraderie.
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From astrogirl2:
Daniel Jackson is hit on the head and gets amnesia, forgetting completely who he is. Alice (of Wonderland fame) finds him wandering around in a daze. What happens?
---Alice is used to dealing with mental disorders, and knows just what to do. She drags Daniel down the rabbit hole to get help from her friends in Wonderland. Unfortunately, most of them aren't that helpful. The caterpillar is an expert at losing your mind, but not so good at finding it. The March Hare and the Mad Hatter think that tea is a cure for everything, but many pots later, Daniel still can't remember who he is. The Cheshire Cat thinks Daniel is well off and only needs to learn to disappear to be perfectly happy. The Queen of Hearts thinks that since Daniel has lost his mind, he will do very well without his head; and the rest of the cards don't know how to deal with Daniel at all. Finally, in desperation, Alice takes Daniel to see the Duchess, who isn't any help at all, but the Cook is using so much pepper that Daniel has a horrible fit of sneezing that knocks his head about so much that he regains his memory. Now all he needs is a cure for whiplash.
Hamlet and Gandalf go to the movies. What do they end up seeing, and how much argument is there about it beforehand? Who buys the popcorn?
---Hamlet wants to see something full of action, vengeance, and the villains getting what they deserve. Gandalf wants to see something with mercy, redemption, and uplifting themes. They settle on a festival of the original Star Wars trilogy. Gandalf buys the popcorn since Hamlet doesn't know what popcorn is, and besides, royalty never carry money.
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Whee! More later.