Working on Happiness
A little while ago, I found a blog that has made for very interesting reading: A Year and Change. It was written by Lucy March (Lani Diane Rich), and was her attempt to rediscover herself during/after her divorce. Her intent was to blog about it every day for 516 days, which was the number of days until her 40th birthday. The blog posts are interesting, and the comments are really interesting. Lucy was obviously not the only one to go through this. Jennifer Crusie and Kristina Douglas (Anne Stuart) are starting a similar blog this year, Reinventing Fabulous, about their attempts to, as Krissie put it, change things, get healthy, and get happy.
I think that's a great idea. I haven't been happy for a while now. I should be happy - I have a great life, a wonderful husband, an amazing house, not to mention the adorable kitties - but I'm not. I don't think many people know this, because I'm really good at hiding my emotions from other people. But it's true, and I don't like it.
I don't like me, that's the trouble. I don't like myself, I don't feel like I'm likeable, and I don't feel like I'm in interesting person. This is a problem, I know that. I'm just not sure what to do about it, or how to change it.
So, for the rest of 2012 (I don't have Lucy's willpower), I'm going to blog about it. Lucy's a successful writer, so she had a built-in group of people who wanted to talk to her about her issues. I don't have a group like that, which is part of the problem, but I'm not expecting that. The real reason I'm blogging and not just thinking about this or even journalling is that I don't think well internally. I'm an external thinker - I think best when I'm communicating with other people. I've talked about a lot of this with Pete, but for one thing, he's probably bored of it all by now (though he'd never say that), and for another, it hasn't worked. I think I need to write it all down - something tangible that I can refer back to when I need to.
If there's anyone out there reading my blog after I haven't posted for over a year, don't feel that you have to comment. Especially don't feel like you have to say, "But I like you!" I know people don't like me. This is all about how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling this way. I need to figure this out, because I know it's not going to change until I do. Though you're more than welcome to post about how you've felt something similar, or something you've done to get out of your own funk, or even to tell me I'm an idiot about something. That's always fun. But don't feel like you have to. This is all for me.
I'll be over here, figuring this out.