grown up romantic shit
Sunday after work and dinner, Rachel calls me. I haven't talked to her in a while, and I haven't even seen her since Xmas day. She says she saw me at the bowling alley on Saturday night and it made her realized how much she missed me and such. She ends up coming over, we talk, and a lot of flirtation ensues. We end up having sex. It was weird kinda intense sex, also. I've never experienced anything like it. Very emotional, Pet Sounds-esque sex. She stays for a while, and then she goes home. We agree to start seeing each other again.
Monday goes by and everything is great, we talk on the phone, and it is awesome, I can't believe it. But all of the sudden Monday night, a lingering feeling comes over me, and I feel like I have to say something to Rach about it.
So Tuesday after work, I make her dinner and we talk. I tell her that right now in my life, I can't just date someone. I need something more, that over the last year that I've been with her, that I've grown a lot as a person. I've learned to love others and learned to love myself more than I could ever imagine. I feel like a lot of that is her doing, and that I really can't date her unless she fits into my plan in life, which is that I want to get married. I want children, I am 27 mow, and that I want to have a child with her while we are both still young. She starts crying in the middle of all of this and explains to me that she thinks of my love and me, as a whole, as a very pure person, and that she can't promise me those things, and that I deserve someone who is going to take care of me, and let me love them while getting the same love in return.
Well shit.
I dunno, maybe I am too much of an optimist. I can't really put into words what I feel about all of it. I know I've dated Audrey and stuff, and I think that her and I didn't work out because I needed to do this with Rach, to help close that door. I still, despite all the shit that we've been through, think that Rach is a wonderful person, and that there isn't a thing that I wouldn't do for her. It makes me sad to think that this was probably one of the final times we see each other.
And I don't know, I always thought that when you proposed to someone and they start crying while you do it, that it is a good sign. Apparently TV has lied to me. Stupid TV.
Monday goes by and everything is great, we talk on the phone, and it is awesome, I can't believe it. But all of the sudden Monday night, a lingering feeling comes over me, and I feel like I have to say something to Rach about it.
So Tuesday after work, I make her dinner and we talk. I tell her that right now in my life, I can't just date someone. I need something more, that over the last year that I've been with her, that I've grown a lot as a person. I've learned to love others and learned to love myself more than I could ever imagine. I feel like a lot of that is her doing, and that I really can't date her unless she fits into my plan in life, which is that I want to get married. I want children, I am 27 mow, and that I want to have a child with her while we are both still young. She starts crying in the middle of all of this and explains to me that she thinks of my love and me, as a whole, as a very pure person, and that she can't promise me those things, and that I deserve someone who is going to take care of me, and let me love them while getting the same love in return.
Well shit.
I dunno, maybe I am too much of an optimist. I can't really put into words what I feel about all of it. I know I've dated Audrey and stuff, and I think that her and I didn't work out because I needed to do this with Rach, to help close that door. I still, despite all the shit that we've been through, think that Rach is a wonderful person, and that there isn't a thing that I wouldn't do for her. It makes me sad to think that this was probably one of the final times we see each other.
And I don't know, I always thought that when you proposed to someone and they start crying while you do it, that it is a good sign. Apparently TV has lied to me. Stupid TV.