(no subject)
I hate squirrels because they mock me. They like to crouch next to the sidewalk all sneaky-like waiting for me to approach so that they can pretend to be all freaked out by me. They thrash around pretending that they are trying to decide whether get the fuck away or bite my leg. I used to be afraid of their sneaky antics but, now that I've realized that they do it on purpose to piss me off, I'm not.
Anyway, it used to be that squirrels were the only animals that mocked me but, no more. On Saturday, I was wandering around the city checking stuff out. Then I decided that it would be a good idea to walk from where I was near the John Hancock building to Lincoln Park. I was a good idea, too, expect that all I had to eat on Saturday was a bowl of cereal for breakfast and a poorly made peanut butter sandwich for lunch. By the time I reached Lincoln Park I was pretty darn hungry. Just as I was thinking to myself, "Man... I'm really hungry" I noticed some guy feeding ducks. Those assholes were eating heartily.
I kept on walking and came across a mallard. He looked at me and started quacking. Not wanting to be rude I quacked back at him. We carried on conversation for a few minutes. Then I must have mentioned that I was hungry 'cos he stopped quacking... Took a dramatic pause... and then took a shit as if to say:
"Look fucker, I've eaten recently! and I just proved it"
Then he proceeded on his merry way, probably to go feast with the other ducks.
So in conclusion, if you're gonna take a long walk on an empty stomach don't go near any ducks.
-Las
Anyway, it used to be that squirrels were the only animals that mocked me but, no more. On Saturday, I was wandering around the city checking stuff out. Then I decided that it would be a good idea to walk from where I was near the John Hancock building to Lincoln Park. I was a good idea, too, expect that all I had to eat on Saturday was a bowl of cereal for breakfast and a poorly made peanut butter sandwich for lunch. By the time I reached Lincoln Park I was pretty darn hungry. Just as I was thinking to myself, "Man... I'm really hungry" I noticed some guy feeding ducks. Those assholes were eating heartily.
I kept on walking and came across a mallard. He looked at me and started quacking. Not wanting to be rude I quacked back at him. We carried on conversation for a few minutes. Then I must have mentioned that I was hungry 'cos he stopped quacking... Took a dramatic pause... and then took a shit as if to say:
"Look fucker, I've eaten recently! and I just proved it"
Then he proceeded on his merry way, probably to go feast with the other ducks.
So in conclusion, if you're gonna take a long walk on an empty stomach don't go near any ducks.
-Las