Just work!
**Angsty Warning**
I don't mind posting personal stuff because some people my age can relate to it and maybe learn something or see things differently from reading it.
I hope these are the last spouts of drama and angst, at least in this genre of emotion. Erin's mom calls me for a ride to her ranch in Del Valle because her car was repossessed and said she'd pay for gas. I told her she didn't owe me anything because she gave me a ride from the airport last May. However, she gave me hundreds of dollars worth of artifacts - dinosaur bones, whale and shark teeth all ranging millions of years old. She grew up on one of Florida's keys and has loads and loads and loads of that stuff. I'm not going to sell them. She's an eccentric woman, but has a good heart.
That made me really happy and while examining these bones and teeth, I also solved a mystery of a 'shell' I found in either South Padre Island or the Greenbelt when I was a little kid. She gave me a bone that can be found behind the ear of a whale and it matched the 'shell' I still have in my room. I always thought what I found was just the way the water shaped it, but it actually belong to some whale millions of years ago when Austin was underwater. (insert Indiana Jones victory music).
On the way over to dropping her off, she started talking to me about Erin and I in certain ways. That is to say, in ways that would cause a humble, lost, 20 year old boyman to be a little awkward. People have a way of saying things to me as if they knew exactly what will make me feel like shit. She goes off about how Erin has her first real boyfriend, one she's crazy over. He's probably like any other phony out there, but anyway to get a load of this, she wants me to be there for Erin if she gets hurt. I told her I didn't want to be friends with her daughter anymore. She didn't like that and didn't understand so I told her that I have nothing and don't get anything back from people so I'm not offering anyone anything anymore. She understood and told me that I have the right to be mean then.
She invited me in her ranch and I thought she was going to try to seduce me. Something that would probably happen to me of all people. I wouldn't do that. But no, she went on to say that Erin told her that I'm special to her - like a brother, but at a couple points some feelings here and there. She went on to say a lot of things to try convince me not to drop her out of my life.
When I was leaving, I told her I'll be there for her daughter, if she needs me, but I don't have to be happy with the way things are. (She told me to be completely honest, so I was).
Overall, I'm not happy being a 'brother' to Erin unless Erin believes in incest. I'm not taking pleasure in hanging out with her, but I know without her things suck too so who knows. I guess I'll stay around but I don't have to like it. I don't have to like anything.
She's a very lonely woman and I think that she wants me to be there for Erin because she told me that if I had been around when she was Erin's age, she wouldn't have gone through as much trouble as she did. It's sad.
People see me as a shoulder to cry on but I'm really not. Not all of the time. People treat me like I'm some saint, but I'm just like any other guy. I want the same things, have the same needs. I just happen to be moral. Is that such a sin? Because I am a good person, I'm denied the essential thing in life that makes people happy? I know that if I beat up her boyfriend, she'd never want to see me again, but would acting out in some way change people's perspective on me? Would that offer me the things that 'normal' people can have? It seems like up is down, down is up, and like attracts dislike, and dislike attracts like. I hope people wake up and start thinking of others. I know I probably sound selfish, but I'd like to be a human for once.
I don't mind posting personal stuff because some people my age can relate to it and maybe learn something or see things differently from reading it.
I hope these are the last spouts of drama and angst, at least in this genre of emotion. Erin's mom calls me for a ride to her ranch in Del Valle because her car was repossessed and said she'd pay for gas. I told her she didn't owe me anything because she gave me a ride from the airport last May. However, she gave me hundreds of dollars worth of artifacts - dinosaur bones, whale and shark teeth all ranging millions of years old. She grew up on one of Florida's keys and has loads and loads and loads of that stuff. I'm not going to sell them. She's an eccentric woman, but has a good heart.
That made me really happy and while examining these bones and teeth, I also solved a mystery of a 'shell' I found in either South Padre Island or the Greenbelt when I was a little kid. She gave me a bone that can be found behind the ear of a whale and it matched the 'shell' I still have in my room. I always thought what I found was just the way the water shaped it, but it actually belong to some whale millions of years ago when Austin was underwater. (insert Indiana Jones victory music).
On the way over to dropping her off, she started talking to me about Erin and I in certain ways. That is to say, in ways that would cause a humble, lost, 20 year old boyman to be a little awkward. People have a way of saying things to me as if they knew exactly what will make me feel like shit. She goes off about how Erin has her first real boyfriend, one she's crazy over. He's probably like any other phony out there, but anyway to get a load of this, she wants me to be there for Erin if she gets hurt. I told her I didn't want to be friends with her daughter anymore. She didn't like that and didn't understand so I told her that I have nothing and don't get anything back from people so I'm not offering anyone anything anymore. She understood and told me that I have the right to be mean then.
She invited me in her ranch and I thought she was going to try to seduce me. Something that would probably happen to me of all people. I wouldn't do that. But no, she went on to say that Erin told her that I'm special to her - like a brother, but at a couple points some feelings here and there. She went on to say a lot of things to try convince me not to drop her out of my life.
When I was leaving, I told her I'll be there for her daughter, if she needs me, but I don't have to be happy with the way things are. (She told me to be completely honest, so I was).
Overall, I'm not happy being a 'brother' to Erin unless Erin believes in incest. I'm not taking pleasure in hanging out with her, but I know without her things suck too so who knows. I guess I'll stay around but I don't have to like it. I don't have to like anything.
She's a very lonely woman and I think that she wants me to be there for Erin because she told me that if I had been around when she was Erin's age, she wouldn't have gone through as much trouble as she did. It's sad.
People see me as a shoulder to cry on but I'm really not. Not all of the time. People treat me like I'm some saint, but I'm just like any other guy. I want the same things, have the same needs. I just happen to be moral. Is that such a sin? Because I am a good person, I'm denied the essential thing in life that makes people happy? I know that if I beat up her boyfriend, she'd never want to see me again, but would acting out in some way change people's perspective on me? Would that offer me the things that 'normal' people can have? It seems like up is down, down is up, and like attracts dislike, and dislike attracts like. I hope people wake up and start thinking of others. I know I probably sound selfish, but I'd like to be a human for once.