The Reassurance of Affection
SBS Gayo Daejun 2011
“What’s with the smile, Kyu?”
Donghae asked him when he smiling by himself at the backstage waiting for their surprise stage with SNSD.
“I just feel happy, what’s wrong with that, Hyung?”
“Nothing wrong. It just .... different.”
He shrugged. Not knowing how to answer the question without spilling the beans. Of this overwhelmed feeling he had since yesterday when they have been told about the collaboration.
To be exact, when he had been told that Joohyun would be his partner in that dance sequence.
His partner. Meant he would be touching and holding her. For about a minute or so. In front of thousand fans.
He literally had a difficulty to breathe.
What if he spilled out not only the excitement, but also the truth about his feeling on her?
When she did not have a clue. Or at least that what he thought.
Until the time they did the practice for the dance.
When she avoided his gaze. As if she worried that she was spilling something. Spilling something? Was she having the same problem as he was?
He pulled her aside after the practice and basically asked her in the eyes.
“Joohyun-ah, are you fine with the dance?” he stopped his sentence, took a deep breath, then continued, “Of me touching you?”
He watched her eyes blinked, mesmerized by the beautiful orbs and the rosy color cheeks. He thanks himself for not taking any soju that day, or he could bet with himself that he would give up on the temptation of claiming her plump lips.
“No, Oppa. I am fine. “ she smiled shyly, “I am glad that my partner is you.”
He smiled back. His chest felt like somebody hammering at him.
*thump thump.... thump thump*
“Good. So do you want to take dinner?”, he watched her blinked again. He was sure now that the feeling was reciprocal. Or somewhat reciprocal. Otherwise she would not be that red like now.
“Oppa do not go with Changmin-Oppa and Minho-ah?”
He shrugged. “No. They want to drink afterward.”, he continued taking a deep breath, “I want to have enough sleep tonight.”
She beamed at him. “Wow, really Oppa? This is the first time I heard you would skip a drink session.”
He laughed awkwardly, “I want our performance tomorrow to be the best.” Her eyebrows furrowed. “I meant.... we have so many things to do...the orchestra, the dance.” Me touching you. He stuttered.
Luckily she seemed to buy in the excuse, because she nodded and smiled. “Yeah the harmonica! I am excited Oppa!” He beamed back to her.
Then suddenly her cheeks were red again. “I am also excited with the dance.” She added softly.
He tilted his head and looking at her as she was the most enchanting thing in the world. Well maybe she was. At least for him.
“So, dinner?” “Yeah, why not.”
They ended up had dinner with everybody. But she stayed beside him all night. And he was in the cloud nine.
And the same cloud nine stayed until today. Before he and his hyungs took stage.
Before he was able to touch her. In front of thousand fans.
But then reality was different than dream. When they were on the stage, he was spending most of his time to be straight-faced.
Apparently being this close to her was a bit too much for him. With her clothes accentuated her body like that. And he had given permission to touch her. In front of thousand fan.
But here and there, he found clue and evidence that he was not alone in this battle of feelings.
Her gasps when he touched her waist. (He brushed her thumb softly). Her stolen surprise glances when his hands were too close to her body. (He slipped on her waist and her spines with ghostly touches). Her shy smile when he pulled her to his body too close at the end sequence of the dance. (His arm fitted her waist so perfectly that he wanted to keep her like that forever).
All suppressed feelings that finally gone loose when the dance finished. When he could not hold his stupid-almost-idiotically grin anymore.
He turned his head to her. Surprisingly she was also laughed happily.
Then what could he do but followed his feeling by impulsively touch her back,
And lingered longer than it should be at normal condition.
He was planning to hold her waist again (and tested her reaction), when Sica and Yuri caught at them.
He playfully hugged Sica to stop her from teasing them when he saw she impulsively patted her cheeks as to let out her frustration.
And he really wished his hands were the one that did the patting.
Because he knew now that she was okay with him touching her.
Because he was reassure that the affection was not one-sided.
Maybe I should ask Manager-Hyung to create dance collaboration like this again. Or anything that could make me touch her.
“What’s with the smile, Kyu?”
Donghae asked him when he smiling by himself at the backstage waiting for their surprise stage with SNSD.
“I just feel happy, what’s wrong with that, Hyung?”
“Nothing wrong. It just .... different.”
He shrugged. Not knowing how to answer the question without spilling the beans. Of this overwhelmed feeling he had since yesterday when they have been told about the collaboration.
To be exact, when he had been told that Joohyun would be his partner in that dance sequence.
His partner. Meant he would be touching and holding her. For about a minute or so. In front of thousand fans.
He literally had a difficulty to breathe.
What if he spilled out not only the excitement, but also the truth about his feeling on her?
When she did not have a clue. Or at least that what he thought.
Until the time they did the practice for the dance.
When she avoided his gaze. As if she worried that she was spilling something. Spilling something? Was she having the same problem as he was?
He pulled her aside after the practice and basically asked her in the eyes.
“Joohyun-ah, are you fine with the dance?” he stopped his sentence, took a deep breath, then continued, “Of me touching you?”
He watched her eyes blinked, mesmerized by the beautiful orbs and the rosy color cheeks. He thanks himself for not taking any soju that day, or he could bet with himself that he would give up on the temptation of claiming her plump lips.
“No, Oppa. I am fine. “ she smiled shyly, “I am glad that my partner is you.”
He smiled back. His chest felt like somebody hammering at him.
*thump thump.... thump thump*
“Good. So do you want to take dinner?”, he watched her blinked again. He was sure now that the feeling was reciprocal. Or somewhat reciprocal. Otherwise she would not be that red like now.
“Oppa do not go with Changmin-Oppa and Minho-ah?”
He shrugged. “No. They want to drink afterward.”, he continued taking a deep breath, “I want to have enough sleep tonight.”
She beamed at him. “Wow, really Oppa? This is the first time I heard you would skip a drink session.”
He laughed awkwardly, “I want our performance tomorrow to be the best.” Her eyebrows furrowed. “I meant.... we have so many things to do...the orchestra, the dance.” Me touching you. He stuttered.
Luckily she seemed to buy in the excuse, because she nodded and smiled. “Yeah the harmonica! I am excited Oppa!” He beamed back to her.
Then suddenly her cheeks were red again. “I am also excited with the dance.” She added softly.
He tilted his head and looking at her as she was the most enchanting thing in the world. Well maybe she was. At least for him.
“So, dinner?” “Yeah, why not.”
They ended up had dinner with everybody. But she stayed beside him all night. And he was in the cloud nine.
And the same cloud nine stayed until today. Before he and his hyungs took stage.
Before he was able to touch her. In front of thousand fans.
But then reality was different than dream. When they were on the stage, he was spending most of his time to be straight-faced.
Apparently being this close to her was a bit too much for him. With her clothes accentuated her body like that. And he had given permission to touch her. In front of thousand fan.
But here and there, he found clue and evidence that he was not alone in this battle of feelings.
Her gasps when he touched her waist. (He brushed her thumb softly). Her stolen surprise glances when his hands were too close to her body. (He slipped on her waist and her spines with ghostly touches). Her shy smile when he pulled her to his body too close at the end sequence of the dance. (His arm fitted her waist so perfectly that he wanted to keep her like that forever).
All suppressed feelings that finally gone loose when the dance finished. When he could not hold his stupid-almost-idiotically grin anymore.
He turned his head to her. Surprisingly she was also laughed happily.
Then what could he do but followed his feeling by impulsively touch her back,
And lingered longer than it should be at normal condition.
He was planning to hold her waist again (and tested her reaction), when Sica and Yuri caught at them.
He playfully hugged Sica to stop her from teasing them when he saw she impulsively patted her cheeks as to let out her frustration.
And he really wished his hands were the one that did the patting.
Because he knew now that she was okay with him touching her.
Because he was reassure that the affection was not one-sided.
Maybe I should ask Manager-Hyung to create dance collaboration like this again. Or anything that could make me touch her.