Teenager dreams: I was a teenager in the 70s. There was a huge silence around anything gay. There was no internet (ponder that!) To find out anything I had to rely on schoolyard gossip and digging out references to Oscar Wilder and Kinsey in the library. There were no public gay or lesbian role models.
The thing that opened a door for me was Debbie M at a school camp when i was about 15. She told me everyone had at least one same sex encounter in their lives. Then she kissed me (see what she did there...) The kiss wasn’t memorable, but the idea that there was a whole other way my sexuality could play out was a revelation.
Taste test: When people ask me ‘how did you know you were a lesbian?” I often answer “the first time I tasted a cunt.” Coz its true. I’d fucked boys and the sex was fine, but the first time I went down on a girl it was like having the best banquet in the world after surviving on dry toast.
I choose this: My family disowned me. No, they weren’t religious, or particularly conservative. My mother had always been
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I love this comment. I want to thank you and all the people like you who were so brave so that the people who came after you could have it a little easier all the time.
Thanks for that *smish* I can't tell you the buzz I get at big queer events, to see people in their teens being able to be out and being able to celebrate and enjoy themselves. I know its still hard for many people, but I think every space we can create is important.
Thank you for sharing that! I think one of the great unspoken things in society is the complexity of our sexuality, and how widespread this type of well fluidity for want of a better word is. becasue I think everyone's life is ebtetr and richer for sharing how we really are.
Very few people know what I'm about to say. Maybe I should preface this by saying that although I'm 25, I don't have any sexual experience, neither with men nor women (okay, I kissed someone once; it was a girl, if it matters). So what the hell do I know, right?
I'm bisexual. When I was in middle school, I felt some attraction toward girls, but since I was attracted to boys too I thought I couldn't possibly be gay. Years later, even though I knew what bisexuality was, I thought - but I can't know that I am until I experience both boys and girls, in the meantime I must straight as a kind of default setting. But then I read about sexual identity and bisexuality and that identity is about you and not about what other people think or about matching some kind of criteria.
On the outside it didn't change anything. I don't behave differently. On the inside, it was a huge relief to admit it to myself, to let myself look at girls the way I looked at guys (hello, boobs!), to not limit myself when I thought about having a relationship with
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I'm pretty much the same. I'm 22, and have never even kissed anyone. And I know what you mean about some people thinking there's no way you can know until you've experienced something with either sex, but I think that's not true. My parents know. My best friends know. Other friends, I haven't told them, but I'm not exactly hiding it from them either.
Yeah, I'm not exactly hiding it to my parents but I just don't know how to bring that up, because, you know, what is there to tell? My best friends know, though.
I read your comment, and I too find the idea of threesome relationships and open relationships fascinating. :)
It took me a while to tell my parents. I kept thinking it over and over and mum could tell something was bugging me and asked what was wrong and it spilled out. Luckily my parents have always been supportive and they're cool with it.
I always like reading/hearing about people in open relationships or threesomes that can actually make it work.
For me, my sexuality just wasn't something I ever bothered to even think about until quite recently. I'm in a heck of a lot of ways a late bloomer, but also sex and relationships weren't really a thing I went looking for, just something that happened to me. So whatever dating I did do when I was a teenager was sort of accidental. Often I really didn't even like the guys I dated very much, but I didn't mind them either, and I just sort of went with the flow if they seemed interested. I thought about sex and love, yeah, but mostly I was perfectly content to imagine it happening to fictional characters decidely not like me. I should probably have known better, but I sort of just assumed this meant I was straight
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I'm never quite sure how to label my sexuality. I believe that, in addition to the x-axis continuum of heter<----->homo, there's at least a y-axis of asexual<----->very-sexual. On the x-axis, I'm attracted to men in the sense that I like to look at them, but I have no desire at all to be with them in naked sexytimes in reality. I do, in a vague sort of way, want to be with women sexually--and when I have in the past it was lovely--but I'm not at all motivated to go about finding a relationship or a hook-up, and I never have been. I'm 36, and I've had very few sexual experiences. I was a virgin until I was 23. Neither of those facts bothers me, so...I don't know. In one sense, I'm bisexual. I don't think asexual works for me, but demisexual? Demisexual lesbian? The clearest way I can put it to myself is that I'm queer but not very interested in sex
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I believe that, in addition to the x-axis continuum of heter<----->homo, there's at least a y-axis of asexual<----->very-sexual.
Oh my god, this makes so much sense to me and I wish you had posted before me so I could use it to describe myself. Thank you for this very helpful mental model.
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The thing that opened a door for me was Debbie M at a school camp when i was about 15. She told me everyone had at least one same sex encounter in their lives. Then she kissed me (see what she did there...) The kiss wasn’t memorable, but the idea that there was a whole other way my sexuality could play out was a revelation.
Taste test: When people ask me ‘how did you know you were a lesbian?” I often answer “the first time I tasted a cunt.” Coz its true. I’d fucked boys and the sex was fine, but the first time I went down on a girl it was like having the best banquet in the world after surviving on dry toast.
I choose this: My family disowned me. No, they weren’t religious, or particularly conservative. My mother had always been ( ... )
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I love this comment. I want to thank you and all the people like you who were so brave so that the people who came after you could have it a little easier all the time.
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YOU are awesome. So awesome. Thanks so much for sharing your amazing story. :)
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But, seriously, THANK YOU!!! This puts together exactly what's in my brain far more eloquently than I ever could :)
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I'm bisexual. When I was in middle school, I felt some attraction toward girls, but since I was attracted to boys too I thought I couldn't possibly be gay. Years later, even though I knew what bisexuality was, I thought - but I can't know that I am until I experience both boys and girls, in the meantime I must straight as a kind of default setting. But then I read about sexual identity and bisexuality and that identity is about you and not about what other people think or about matching some kind of criteria.
On the outside it didn't change anything. I don't behave differently. On the inside, it was a huge relief to admit it to myself, to let myself look at girls the way I looked at guys (hello, boobs!), to not limit myself when I thought about having a relationship with ( ... )
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My parents know. My best friends know. Other friends, I haven't told them, but I'm not exactly hiding it from them either.
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I read your comment, and I too find the idea of threesome relationships and open relationships fascinating. :)
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I always like reading/hearing about people in open relationships or threesomes that can actually make it work.
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PS - I called you bi. I hope that's still how you're identifying? Lemme know if you want me to correct it, yeah?
<3
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Although I *wish* I automatically knew anytime you posted about me! That would be ego-stroking marvelous-ness! (Oh no, a 'ness' word!! =-P )
As for how I identify...honestly I don't know anymore, it's a rather confusing thing atm... =\ But Bi is fair for the time being.
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Oh my god, this makes so much sense to me and I wish you had posted before me so I could use it to describe myself. Thank you for this very helpful mental model.
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