The Struggle
The struggle seems to be never ending. I have no one to blame but myself. And you know what, I wont deny the fact that it is my fault. No matter what or who initiates things... how I react is on my part.
There's been too many things going on to think straight these days. And like kuya Dennis said last night, "Its your fault. You keep making it a stressful thing. You could just ignore everything as in like nothing happened." But of course I can't...This is why I am frustrated with myself. Frustrated with myself, also leads to frustration towards others.
And as much as I'd like to think that if I keep things to myself, others wouldn't be affected... There's no way around the fact that they would be affected too. I wish I understood why God puts us in these kinds of situations. Is it how we once again persevere in the situation? Trying to get over the struggle is so frustrating! Sometimes I feel like I just wanna sit here with the white flag and succumb to this black aura that is my failure. And this is all because of a couple of guys in my life. I don't understand! ....
I am slowly starting to fall into bad habits. Habits that I force myself to believe are the best forms of healing. But the feeling the next day once again screws with my head then creates other problems for me. I want a way out... a guided way out... the right way out... the best way out... Lord, please help me. Give me a sign... I can only do and take so much right? My heart may be big...but it is in a very fragile state. Im afraid that the more it gets picked at.. there will be nothing left.
Please Lord, give me substance...guidance.. I need to know.
Exaaactly how I feel.
There's been too many things going on to think straight these days. And like kuya Dennis said last night, "Its your fault. You keep making it a stressful thing. You could just ignore everything as in like nothing happened." But of course I can't...This is why I am frustrated with myself. Frustrated with myself, also leads to frustration towards others.
And as much as I'd like to think that if I keep things to myself, others wouldn't be affected... There's no way around the fact that they would be affected too. I wish I understood why God puts us in these kinds of situations. Is it how we once again persevere in the situation? Trying to get over the struggle is so frustrating! Sometimes I feel like I just wanna sit here with the white flag and succumb to this black aura that is my failure. And this is all because of a couple of guys in my life. I don't understand! ....
I am slowly starting to fall into bad habits. Habits that I force myself to believe are the best forms of healing. But the feeling the next day once again screws with my head then creates other problems for me. I want a way out... a guided way out... the right way out... the best way out... Lord, please help me. Give me a sign... I can only do and take so much right? My heart may be big...but it is in a very fragile state. Im afraid that the more it gets picked at.. there will be nothing left.
Please Lord, give me substance...guidance.. I need to know.
Click to viewExaaactly how I feel.