I just don't understand....
Seriously, what is it that he wants from me? What is it that he needs to talk to my mom about?
...so just when I thought the "Return of the bastard Father" was done. I was sadly wrong. Well, I figured since he stopped calling me incessantly he had given up. [Even if..I stated in a previous blog that deep inside me I wish he wouldn't give up] And that was the end of the story.
Who would have figured that fate had something else in store for us. Who would have thought avoiding his calls wasn't enough. Apparently it was more apparent that the instead of distancing myself from trouble, that trouble would appear in front of my eyes in the flesh. Yes, yes I had a run in with my father. Of ALL things to happen.. this?! What was even more fucked up was the fact that he was with his family.. and I was with my mom. And my mom was the one that noticed them and realized who they were... where as for myself I didn't even know or even took a second glance at that family.
So of course when my mom spotted them [we were in Canadian Tire Calgary Trail btw] she immediately grabbed me and pulled me aside and went "it's your dad!" and.. I think it wasn't a subtle pull-aside cause I think he spotted us at the same time. So we like speed walked into different aisle's trying to look for the exit. And of course the father just ends up magically in the aisle we were going to 'escape' in.
My mom totally was able to make a getaway cause she totally ran away thinking I would too.. I honestly don't know why I didn't but when he spotted me I felt obligated to stay. WTF went through my brain that time?! So I got stuck. And what was even more FUCKED up was that my "step" siblings were there. Greeeat... my midget, literally speaking by the way... brother ran and hugged me right away. I didn't feel obligated to return gesture of course.. and my father apparently felt it was important I be introduced to the little girl. Who always sees me in the picture they have [I know that too is fucked up] and wants to meet me. And of course that 'mistress' of his kept her distance which I totally appreciate, waved from where she was hiding..then covered her mouth like she was crying. He immediately asked me 'why you never answer your phone?!' and I told him I don't have my phone anymore..or I don't use it often..but I think he believed I didn't have my phone. Haha He asked why we didn't pick up the phone at home.. explained we don't have caller ID so we don't know who calls and that nobody is home anyway. Which of course lead to 'so you have a job now?' and yes, yes I do bitch. Haha
I honestly do not know what to feel right now. I don't understand what God is trying to tell me here... like he keeps telling me he wants to talk to my mom really bad. And I even told him "Good luck trying to talk to my mom. She's not... Hah really willing to." and then he's all "Why? But I really wanna talk to her" he says this with urgency in his tone.. yet like my mom said "Why doesn't he just tell you!? Why does he want to talk to me!?"
He's good.. he's real good. It's like he's slowly reeling me in with this mystery of why he wants me back in his life. I just hope it's nothing like... you know "fatal" kinda thing you know?
I just can't fucking wrap it around my head to WHY?!.
...so just when I thought the "Return of the bastard Father" was done. I was sadly wrong. Well, I figured since he stopped calling me incessantly he had given up. [Even if..I stated in a previous blog that deep inside me I wish he wouldn't give up] And that was the end of the story.
Who would have figured that fate had something else in store for us. Who would have thought avoiding his calls wasn't enough. Apparently it was more apparent that the instead of distancing myself from trouble, that trouble would appear in front of my eyes in the flesh. Yes, yes I had a run in with my father. Of ALL things to happen.. this?! What was even more fucked up was the fact that he was with his family.. and I was with my mom. And my mom was the one that noticed them and realized who they were... where as for myself I didn't even know or even took a second glance at that family.
So of course when my mom spotted them [we were in Canadian Tire Calgary Trail btw] she immediately grabbed me and pulled me aside and went "it's your dad!" and.. I think it wasn't a subtle pull-aside cause I think he spotted us at the same time. So we like speed walked into different aisle's trying to look for the exit. And of course the father just ends up magically in the aisle we were going to 'escape' in.
My mom totally was able to make a getaway cause she totally ran away thinking I would too.. I honestly don't know why I didn't but when he spotted me I felt obligated to stay. WTF went through my brain that time?! So I got stuck. And what was even more FUCKED up was that my "step" siblings were there. Greeeat... my midget, literally speaking by the way... brother ran and hugged me right away. I didn't feel obligated to return gesture of course.. and my father apparently felt it was important I be introduced to the little girl. Who always sees me in the picture they have [I know that too is fucked up] and wants to meet me. And of course that 'mistress' of his kept her distance which I totally appreciate, waved from where she was hiding..then covered her mouth like she was crying. He immediately asked me 'why you never answer your phone?!' and I told him I don't have my phone anymore..or I don't use it often..but I think he believed I didn't have my phone. Haha He asked why we didn't pick up the phone at home.. explained we don't have caller ID so we don't know who calls and that nobody is home anyway. Which of course lead to 'so you have a job now?' and yes, yes I do bitch. Haha
I honestly do not know what to feel right now. I don't understand what God is trying to tell me here... like he keeps telling me he wants to talk to my mom really bad. And I even told him "Good luck trying to talk to my mom. She's not... Hah really willing to." and then he's all "Why? But I really wanna talk to her" he says this with urgency in his tone.. yet like my mom said "Why doesn't he just tell you!? Why does he want to talk to me!?"
He's good.. he's real good. It's like he's slowly reeling me in with this mystery of why he wants me back in his life. I just hope it's nothing like... you know "fatal" kinda thing you know?
I just can't fucking wrap it around my head to WHY?!.