(no subject)
it gets me when some people ask me why im so upset about what has went on during the past two weeks and people ask me why im so upset now to where every day i look like im the one that died... so to clarify WHY this affects me so hard is because all during school i had friends, but they all werent into what i was into. i was the band nerd ofcourse and i enjoyed/enjoy music to the extremes. Music just knows how to captivate my soul and inspires me to do things. so i joined band of course in my 6th grade year and met many wonderful people whom i am still friends with to this day, one of them being Brandon. with all of these events for band, brandon and i got close, REALLY close. i guess you can say he was like my other half, my twin but not blood related and not having the whole twin look. we had our fights where we wouldnt talk for months, but we'd eventually get over these bumps in the road and when we were together we'd have so much fun and just forget everything else that was going on around us no matter the circumstances.. well that was the case for me anyway. we did everything together and as time grew we were completing each others sentences, we knew what the other was thinking and we knew that we could trust each other with our deepest darkest secrets. so he was more than just a friend to me, he was my soul mate that i was able to find very early in life. im going to say that he made some unintelligent decisions but he didnt do it to harm himself and to make us feel like shit knowing he isnt here so some people should understand that it wasnt his fault completely. so stop blaming him because its over and done with.. nothing you can do or say can change what has happened. he's gone.. end of story. you arent the only one suffering, we all are suffering because of his death so stop acting like the world revolves around you! BECAUSE IT DOESNT! and why are you so worried anyway? you're the one that said you didnt want to be here because you had no friends... so i dont know why youre so upset because he was here so obviously he wasnt your friend! its crazy how one day you can be happy and be with someone and then the next day they're gone forever. there were so many things he wanted to do in life, but never accomplished them. i just wish i could have been there for him that night and it frightens me that he was alone, he had to die alone and i should have been there. i mean he did so much for me and i was never able to pay him back, i just hope he knows how much he meant to me and how much i appreciated him. i just wonder now if i did enough to show him how much i cared. i love you and miss you oh so much B. you were the best half of me and without you this half is lonely. this grace is without her will. so please be here when i find the right guy, when i get married to him and have babies and i promise i will name the first one after you, boy or girl.and for all the times i did mean things to you, dont take it out on me and send me bad kids, we'll take care of this when we meet again.