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i got up and went to class today and got through the day.. its been a week since brandon has been gone, but i've been doing better, i dont really cry when i wake up anymore or when i go to sleep. well after i got out of classes, chris called and wanted to go see brandon. so i went and picked him up from tammy's.. i promised myself that i'd never go inside of that house again but i did and the minute i walked in there i just got chills and smelt him again. i didnt dare look the other way to his room.. i was too afraid to. but then chris told me to go see what they had done to it, like they put angels and stuff in there.. you'd just have to see it. and so i did and i started to tear and then he realized that i hadnt been there since the last time i was with brandon when we went to the southeastern game together. so we left and he gave me one of brandon's pillows and his text book to take back to school. i finally saw where the guy lived that gave him the stuff and he wasnt outside.. but his door was open and i yelled at him and i darn well hope he heard me. thats when chris pulled me in the car and we went to pick montana up. so then we went and chris showed me a few things he had in his BRANDON BOX and we went to see my baby. montana, i dont think, had ever been to a cemetary before so she really didnt understand what was going on so she just went and played with the flowers on someone elses grave. chris went and looked around and i didnt really lose myself until i started talking to brandon. i told him how much i missed him and loved him and needed him right now and that i would never forget him as long as i live and to please be here for me even on my last day to be the one to take me home. well after that was over we left and i treated chris and montana to waffle house because we needed to eat, havent eaten in a few days so this was our time to do it. i love that little girl so much, i could just see brandon in her. so then we went back to tammys bc chris was staying there tonight to watch montana while tammy went to work. he and i sat on the steps outside and just talked for hours about the times we shared with brandon and just thinking about what we were going to do with our lives, how we would go on. he told me to download this song that fit brandon perfectly called WHO YOUD BE TODAY by Kenny Chesney and this song by Leann rimes PROBABLY WOULDNT BE THIS WAY
"Who You'd Be Today"
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?
Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?
Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.
Some day, some day, some day.
"Probably Wouldn't Be This Way"
Got a date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says he's crazy
I'll have to see
I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came
I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves
I'm probably going on and on
It seems I'm doing more of that these days
[CHORUS 1:]
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you
Susan says that I should just move on
You oughta see the way these people look at me
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone
Everybody thinks I've lost my mind
But I just take it day by day
[CHORUS 2:]
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Probably wouldn't be this way
Got A Date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says I'm crazy
Guess I'll have to see
"Who You'd Be Today"
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?
Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?
Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.
Some day, some day, some day.
"Probably Wouldn't Be This Way"
Got a date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says he's crazy
I'll have to see
I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came
I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves
I'm probably going on and on
It seems I'm doing more of that these days
[CHORUS 1:]
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you
Susan says that I should just move on
You oughta see the way these people look at me
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone
Everybody thinks I've lost my mind
But I just take it day by day
[CHORUS 2:]
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Probably wouldn't be this way
Got A Date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says I'm crazy
Guess I'll have to see