Is this forever...? ~ many different bands ~ Part 15 of 15
Title: Is this forever...? (Part 15: Addiction)
Author: Ame
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Rating for this part: PG
Genre: slight AU, humour, angst, yaoi
Warnings: bloodplay, occasional violent sexual encounters, a good amount of swearing (unfortunately, it's habitual...)
Pairings (overall): Yu~ki (ex Malice Mizer)x Gackt (solo, S.K.I.N.), Miyavi (solo, S.K.I.N.), Shinya, Kyo, Die, Toshiya, Kaoru (Dir en grey), Ruki, Reita (The GazettE), Mana (Moi Dix Mois), Koji (OC), Közi (solo, ex Malice Mizer), Chachamaru (GacktJOB); Shinya x Die, Toshiya, Kyo, Kaoru, Kai (The GazettE), Yoshiki (X Japan, S.K.I.N., etc.), Atsushi (Buck-Tick); surprise pairing at the end
Pairing for this part: Yu~kixMana, ShinyaxKai, YoshikixMiyavi, Yu~kixRuki, ReitaxAtsushi, secret pairing (all implicit)
Current vampires: Yu~ki, Shinya, Kyo, Ruki, Közi, Koji (OC), Miyavi, Toshiya, Kaoru, Kai, Die, Reita, Chachamaru, Yoshiki, Atsushi, Mana
Summary: One of Malice Mizer's biggest secrets is about to become a very real danger to every famous Jrocker in Japan...
Disclaimer: I own none of the people used in this fanfiction, however the Koji referred to is an original character of mine. I'm making no money off of this.
Comments: OMG YU GAIZ ITZ DONE! >< And you're gonna get lots of comments cause this is the last time this fic XD
See people are supposed to say something like "I don't know whether to cry or cheer," but I know I'm cheering, so that doesn't apply to me XD;; I did enjoy making the fic, yes, because hell it was writing and writing kicks ass. But toward the end I stopped having time for it, and (now this is a secret!) my Yu~ki muse was obliterated in favour of my Ruki muse. (As if you couldn't tell from the last chapter - ENTIRELY Ruki-driven!) So the last few chapters were really difficult to write and not have suck serious ass, even though I had them practically written in shorthand before I even started this thing. I just really, really hope the last chapters didn't leave anyone too wanting in detail, answers, or simple reading pleasure. Cause that would suck. Hardcore.
Anyway, I've enjoyed making this trek with everyone who's been involved. I don't have anyone to thank specifically...at least not in production oxo But I do thank all my readers who ever read this and ESPECIALLY commenters I am a comment WHORE!!! So thank you all <33 I hope this leaves you guys at least a little satisfied. I know I was ^^
Thank you all,
- 雨
P.S. See you in "Addiction!" ^^
Yu~ki stopped mid-step and turned to gaze up into the darkening sky, coloured orangeish pink by the setting sun. He'd been walking for hours, unable to return to the place he'd once called home. It seemed, after all these years, he'd finally outlived his stay. After all that had happened here, all he'd done for himself and for others - all he'd done to others - it was over. He couldn't cry, though he very much wanted to. The world was too still, too quiet, for him to disturb it with his unholy, unjustified tears. It was over, it was over; the idea repeated itself in his mind as it had been doing since he'd stepped out of his home. Now, as he gazed up at the dusky sky, tinted as it was but without stars for the strength of the lights of the city, he couldn't help but wonder if any of the pain he'd accumulated here was worth it. Worth it... Since when had he ever worried about something as immaterial as that?
After spending hours lying in a pool of blood, writhing in pain against the wood of his floors, Yu~ki had run from that place, run like the very hounds of hell were at his heels. He'd taken only himself and a jacket; while the wind couldn't touch or hurt him as it did mortals, he wanted still the protective feeling the item lended. It was a selfish want, but one that made him feel satisfied with himself when nothing else could.
Yu~ki sighed lightly, tongue flicking out against his lips as he stepped forward once more, heading deeper still into the lightening city, becoming more illuminated at the rate the sky was darkening. He thought to himself that he might like to buy a carton of cigarettes, as a goodbye to this place. To smoke, as he hadn't in a number of years, and perhaps drink to its memory as he sat waiting for the departing airplane. Things would seem to move slower, that way, surely; and to delay was everything perfectly on his mind.
He'd planned to get flight reservations as soon as possible for the farthest place from where he was that he could, and then perhaps take a last meal (and now making plans for his final goodbye ceremony). He'd very much have liked to visit places and bid them farewell, as well as people, but it seemed as though he'd ruined that entire possibility. Things wouldn't go Yu~ki's way again for a long time. It was about time he take on a new name, as well, and Yu~ki mulled over the possibilities. Could he get away with pretending to hail from a different country? It wouldn't be too difficult, in this day and age, to simply don a new name and migrate to a large foreign city, to adopt a new accent and a new alias. He'd done it before, a number of times. In all honesty, he wasn't born Japanese; though he'd never admit that, now. Not until he had his new niche in the world. Hm...it might be nice to go back to being what he was born as...
As Yu~ki wandered the city, musing, he was oblivious to the footsteps that trailed after him, the soft whisper of a long coat as it dragged along the ground. His image had changed dramatically - a temporary change, or he could at least hope; what with the other more permanent changes of late, he just needed something physical to help him out with it all. Yu~ki fidgeted a little in his coat; the skin on the back of his neck had been forced to regrow itself nearly anew, and so was still prickling and hypersensitive. The tickling figers that came suddenly up against that skin didn't help, and were in fact mistaken for a breeze for a moment. And then Yu~ki realised there was someone behind him - something - and had turned defensively with a great start, eyes huge and posture for defense. The smiling eyes that met him, however, were blatant in that they meant him no harm. One hand brought a slim white cigarette to those baby-pink lips, long graceful fingers that were the only mortal ones which seemed to be possessing of that special talent of Yu~ki's; entrancement, of the highest vampiric degree.
"Yu~ki," the man greeted with a small tilt of his head. Strange how casual he was around the man he'd made his sworn enemy so recently. The word that ghosted past Yu~ki's lips in response left him breathless in nearly unexplainable shock.
"Gackt..." It was the word that would seal his fate.
When Yu~ki took Gackt back to his house that day, the place he'd vowed not to return to, he'd confessed everything to him, as dramatically as he'd done to the last two people he'd had this conversation with. No detail was omitted this time, however; the story was told from start to finish, from the moment he'd met his maker, through the harsh experiences he'd had with her, to moving from place to place through the centuries, and finally to his new emotional attachments, his deep need that had brought him to ruin so many innocent lives of late. All through this, Gackt listened, still and mostly silent, having no reaction to any of his statements. Until Yu~ki sat forward, tears in his eyes tinting them the odd orangeish red of the sunset they'd met by, and made one last, previously omitted confession:
"It was you I wanted all along, Gakuto..." he breathed, shaking his head. Nothing was beyond him to admit now, why hesitate? But his voice was weary, so his words were weak. "If you had accepted me...all those years ago..." Gackt sat back, moving for the first time in hours, and Yu~ki hesitated. Wait, hours...?
Yu~ki's eyes opened slowly to stare up at Gackt in curiosity. He really hadn't moved at all for the past few hours, had he? Merely sat there, listening, still and silent, hands in his lap, not a breath stirring that form of his. Even now, his breaths were intermittent, slightly forced though still habitual. And paying close attention, Yu~ki noticed that while his eyes were blue, those weren't contacts. He'd taken a lesson from Ruki, and let them merge with his eyes when...
"I respect you, Yu~ki," Gackt said slowly after a long hesitation, gaze straying as his hand tapped a steady, nervous rhythm against his knee. He licked his lips, and Yu~ki shivered; his deceptive tongue was mostly dry already. "But..." He paused once more, closing his eyes and sighing deeply.
"You are a snake," Yu~ki said, words escaping his lips in his native tongue before he could catch them. Gackt turned abruptly to him, recognising the language and understanding it, but startled to hear it from the vampire. He blinked at him, at the expression of absolute, painful hatred that had settled like a mask upon his features. "This is all your fault. You orchestrated it. And to think..." He scoffed, sitting back now and rolling his eyes, hands coming up in a dismissive gesture. "I actually felt guilty." The words were spat at him with all the venom of Yu~ki's life, bottled into a few short phrases. Gackt nearly cringed, laughing softly at Yu~ki, nervously.
"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about - " Yu~ki's gaze snapped back onto Gackt's, stealing it and making his last syllables catch in his throat.
"The ultimate deceiver. Never trust a vampire." Gackt stared coldly at Yu~ki now, masking his fear though Yu~ki could still read it like chalk words on a plate. "Weren't those the exact words I spoke to you so many times? The exact words you gave him..."
"You loved him, didn't you, Yu~ki?" Gackt interjected, words meant to be cruel rolling off the older man like water now. He was untouchable, enraged and cold and hurt beyond his immortal capacity. "But a vampire...loving a mortal...it just isn't possible!"
"Fuck you," Yu~ki spat, sitting forward and clutching his head in his hands. "I knew you knew...it couldn't have been coincidence that you played everything out with such relish-"
"I never used -!"
"Watch your tongue!" Yu~ki snapped, cutting Gackt off and making him sit back in the chair, startled, eyes huge and cool expression gone entirely. He could no longer hide, with the very hounds of hell on his heels, Yu~ki's rage and madness swelling up to burst and burn him. "You shouldn't lie so often anymore," he warned quietly. "They don't excuse vampires."
A long silence filled the room. It was one thing to have mutual understanding; something entirely different to actually say it. Had Gackt even had the strength to see himself in a mirror? See what all his hard work and waiting had gotten him? What patience he must have! thought Yu~ki. To be hatching this plan for so many years, working and weaving it so effectively. Beginning with his realisation that his bassist was a vampire, that both of them had it in their hearts to go after their dark, disturbed guitarist. Then what a mind, to bend and weave such a confusing web, to make an invisible love triangle of cold, vampiric hearts all. Let Yu~ki have Mana, let them fall for each other, before instilling the first seeds of doubt, of worry. Let them think they alone have brought this break upon themselves. Then come in, and take his prize - but oh! Failure to begin with. Not to worry! There are backup plans. It would be unlike Gackt for there not to have been. Seeing Yu~ki's pain, knowing that even vampires can hurt inside, he played this hurt for years, waiting and waiting for his turn to roll back around. And lo! how it worked so perfectly the second - or was it even just that many - time. How easily he'd slipped between them, brought up the pain of the past and played upon it as if it were an instrument. He was just as musically talented as he was with people and their emotions - how else could he be so successful! This time, he'd won his prize; but not only got his cake, was able to eat it as well....for he was also bestowed an unexpected gift, that of immortality. Oh, how well he'd take it, Yu~ki thought. How well to begin...and in the end, get his just desserts.
Yu~ki stood in silence on the blacktop of the airport terminal, listening to the sounds of jet airplanes around him, the wind whipping his hair and coat. It was warm, but Yu~ki wouldn't feel that. He knew only cold, these days. It was strange how calmly he'd faced his mortal nemesis in those last moments, rage melting to passion melting to anger...and slowly dissipating into nihilism. It was Gackt's fault, Gackt's error, but that didn't change a thing about the fact that Yu~ki had to leave, and it wasn't worth the tears he'd already shed; why bother with more? In those last few moments, Gackt's eyes had turned to stone, as Yu~ki's resolve withered as he went through the details in his head. He'd stolen a kiss, and a last quiet gasp, taking only that and his heavy heart with him to the airport, leaving this life to start one anew. A new life, in a place where no one knew him but the quiet ones, a place he could be at peace. Not his home, but a new home, one he'd been meaning to visit again for quite a few years now.
It wasn't a face that greeted his arrival to the New World, but rather a voice; a call - the first - to his new cell phone, one he was sure no one knew. They had gotten together, started new lives of their own, feeling they couldn't return to that which Yu~ki and Gackt had stolen from them. They were nervous, excited, eager as pupils to learn all they could from their maker and settle down into this idea of eternity. Some had loose ends to tie up, others were simply casting off their old shell. Each one admired the audacity of the now entirely vampire band Dir en grey, but knew they would join them in their own time, when the fact that they didn't age became apparent, or when their popularity waned enough. As for them, their own popularity had already waned, or could be forgotten. Gackt was the only wrench in the plan, but he was easily left behind; those who knew him would learn to hate him, and embrace the fact that they were alone but not alone. They had each other.
It was those first words that Yu~ki would remember most, the words that would stand as the base of his new life. They were spoken to him across a telephone, and by the same mouth when he arrived at Yoshiki's house, that bug white previously unlived-in resort, haunted by the spirit of a well-loved member who could very well have been a part of their new - dare he say it - coven. He'd smiled at them, at the fact that they had learned to love each other - Miyavi sitting by Yoshiki, flirting with the flustered older man as he tried to send a few emails on his laptop computer; Reita picking at his bass as the incubus from Buck-Tick, Shinya's child Atsushi, watched him in facination that his new hearing picked up the very vibrations of the instrument; Kai...trying to coax a silent Shinya away from the piano, where he was methodically picking out the notes to a song Yu~ki swore he recognised as Yoshiki's. Shinya would later tell him he'd forgiven him, and they would share stories for untold centuries. Then there was the face Yu~ki had learned to accept, that which he had learned to live with and understand as only they could understand each other. The voice, the new partner in eternity who very well may seal his fate. Those words, which he'd waited all his long life to hear, whispered as the vampire was taken into a gentle, loving embrace:
"Welcome home, Yu~ki."