Is this forever...? ~ many different bands ~ Part 14 of 15
Title: Is this forever...? (Part 14: Hiatus)
Author: Ame
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Rating for this part: R
Genre: slight AU, humour, angst, yaoi
Warnings: bloodplay, occasional violent sexual encounters, a good amount of swearing (unfortunately, it's habitual...)
Pairings (overall): Yu~ki (ex Malice Mizer)x Gackt (solo, S.K.I.N.), Miyavi (solo, S.K.I.N.), Shinya, Kyo, Die, Toshiya, Kaoru (Dir en grey), Ruki, Reita (The GazettE), Mana (Moi Dix Mois), Koji (OC), Közi (solo, ex Malice Mizer), Chachamaru (GacktJOB); Shinya x Die, Toshiya, Kyo, Kaoru, Kai (The GazettE), Yoshiki (X Japan, S.K.I.N., etc.), Atsushi (Buck-Tick); surprise pairing at the end
Pairing for this part: Yu~kixRuki (kind of)
Current vampires: Yu~ki, Shinya, Kyo, Ruki, Közi, Koji (OC), Miyavi, Toshiya, Kaoru, Kai, Die, Reita, Chachamaru, Yoshiki, Atsushi, Mana
Summary: One of Malice Mizer's biggest secrets is about to become a very real danger to every famous Jrocker in Japan...
Disclaimer: I own none of the people used in this fanfiction, however the Koji referred to is an original character of mine. I'm making no money off of this.
Comments: Almost done! I hope to answer some questions in this chapter (more later), and leave some room for a nice closing. Thank you everyone for sticking with this so long! <3 ONWARD HO! XD
"Uruha..."
The word was soft, subtle, and sent chills through the guitarist's entire body. He froze in the midst of taking a cigarette out of its pack, listening intently. Were they alone together? Where was Aoi! He'd told him not to leave him alone there with him...he was in one of his moods, they all should know better! It was always Uruha who he went after! But here they were...and all Uruha could do was pray.
"Uru-chan...why won't anyone talk to me?" Uruha gulped, licking his lips slowly as he tried to continue his actions with shaking hands. If he could just get outside, he would be safe. That was the way it worked...leave Ruki alone with himself, and he'll work it out alright. How could he have known the new difficulty? How could anyone have known...
As Uruha straightened and turned to leave, his wrists were caught roughly, making him drop both lighter and cigarette as he started violently. His eyes squeezed shut and he struggled, crying out softly as he tried to wrench himself free of Ruki's strong grasp. Small bruises were forming on his wrists, and his tightly closed eyes started to leak tears.
"Ruki, please! Let me go!" he pleaded, real fear overwhelming his voice as he whimpered softly. Why was it just him...he'd always thought it was because Ruki had it in for him, he being the only openly gay member of their band. Ruki was biassed, homophobic at times to the point where Uruha had learned to shut up fast and smile along with him when he made fun of him. But the beatings had stopped a long time ago...why would he pick it up so suddenly? They had all seen Ruki's violent streak, but Uruha was sure he was the only one who knew it. "Ruki-" Uruha gasped as Ruki threw him against the wall, pressing against his back so that his mouth was against Uruha's ear. Uruha sobbed softly, weakly, and heard Ruki growl against him.
"What the fuck is your problem!" he demanded, shoving him against the wall again. The breath Uruha had been summoning to cry out for help was knocked out of him, and he whimpered helplessly again. Suddenly Ruki's mouth was on his neck, and he was pressing him into the wall, sucking ravenously against his skin. Tears leaked out of Uruha's eyes and he wretched, taken by surprise. Ruki, the straight man who hated him for his homosexuality, was touching him without his permission, violating him so blatantly and publicly...it made his stomach churn and his blood run cold.
"Stop," he pleaded weakly, crying against the wall now, his cheek pressed against the cold, hard surface. Saliva streamed from the corner of his mouth, smearing on the wall and making his skin slick and dirty. He couldn't struggle anymore, the force of Ruki pressing up against him keeping him still as all he could do was whimper and sob, begging for mercy in tiny whispers he didn't dare try to cry out. As horrible as the situation was, it would be worse to be caught this way... Ruki groaned against his neck, and Uruha sobbed again, feeling Ruki's tongue start to work at him, making his skin sear with heat and pain and his whole body tremble in fear. He was hurting, inside and out, and he could barely stand to wait it out, wanting nothing more now than to disappear, melt into the material of the wall forever and become nothing, feel nothing, fear nothing...
There was a loud sucking noise and a sharp cry as Ruki was pulled violently off of Uruha. The guitarist collapsed to his knees on the ground, sobbing openly now into his hands, shaking his head and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. He heard the sound of a hand contacting a face, and Ruki screaming in frustration. And then gentle arms came around him, hands pressed against his lightly and he was rocked slowly from side to side.
"It's alright, Uru-chan, it'll all be okay...he's gone now..." Uruha turned suddenly and buried his face into the tattooed chest of his rescuer, who held him close and hushed him, dark eyes frowning at the open window as sunlight streamed into it. God, how he hated sunlight...
"He's gone." Yu~ki stopped against the entryway of his sitting room, bleary eyes turning onto the figure in the chair. He blinked at the image before him, of the thin man bathed in flickering candlelight, the uncertain glow tinting the bare skin of his shirtless torso orange as he stroked the small raised lines across his skin absently.
"I know," Yu~ki responded quietly, turning to stare at the floor now, and at the way the light played it. "That's as it should be...he's just returning the favour..." Slowly, tiredly, Yu~ki dragged himself up and fell into the chair opposite his fledgling, watching him still. "And where are you this evening?" Ruki ignored him for a long moment, pensively staring into the flames as his fingers stroked the uneven skin across his body. Yu~ki had found the scars morbidly beautiful, and had taken such great care to preserve them through his making - they would have been healed over to perfection if he hadn't opened them as he killed the young man. As it were, he wasn't actually sure it would work in the first place, but was glad to see it had. The self-inflicted marks were almost fascinating, in their own dark way. When Ruki spoke, his voice was dark and quiet, such that Yu~ki strained to stay still and hear him.
"Warumono," he said softly, absently, voicing finally the word that had been repeating in his mind for hours, perhaps even days. "They call me that when they're joking. Like it's a cute thing, a nickname. Warumono. Like Kyo, right? Warumono..." His lips stayed parted gently, as he paused and shook his head minutely, his eyes slipping shut. "They have no idea..." Yu~ki watched him in silence, as his fingers drifted back and forth across the marks on his opposite collarbone and shoulder.
"They?" he asked finally, sitting forward a little, feeling like the silence was actually becoming somewhat awkward. Ruki reacted instantly, his hands falling into his lap as he turned to face Yu~ki, legs drawn up into the chair and eyes wide.
"You called it a game," he said, and Yu~ki blinked at him for a long moment before nodding. "Yes. Then when the game's over, Yu~ki, what happens to the players? Do they put up the board and go home? Do they sit staring awkwardly at each other and begin a new game? Really? A game, Yu~ki!" He shook his head, sitting back and letting his eyes fall onto the glittering bookshelf as he took his silence. "Tell me what I'm supposed to do, Yu~ki, now that the game is over." A coldness ran through Yu~ki's veins. This from the one man who had seemed to relate! It was over, certainly, and Yu~ki honestly didn't know what to tell him. He didn't know what to do with himself - he hadn't even as a mortal. He'd never posed that question to his own maker, or anything like it. This was his fate, his new life, and he fashioned it as he chose. Was that not true for everyone else?
"What does this change for you, Ruki?" he asked, folding his hands over each other as he tipped his head, gazing at Ruki. Ruki sat still for a moment before responding, his eyes staying fixed on the flames.
"Fuck you," he practically laughed, the words breathy and spoken in English. "You think I can just waltz back into PSC like this? Just 'hey guys, I'm a vampire now, so we can make music for eternity! Woo-hoo!'"
"That's not funny," Yu~ki said, and Ruki turned suddenly to him again, thrusting an accusatory finger at him.
"You did this to me. You fucked up my life. You fix it." He stared at him, eyes wild in anger and passion, and Yu~ki blinked back in shock. He'd never seen anyone react this way to being made. Anger, yes, he had of course witnessed that. But people move on, they find their own way of dealing with it, or...they die. Yu~ki shook his head slowly, after a long moment, his brow furrowing as he searched for the words.
"You're not the only one," he heard himself saying; just one of the thoughts coursing through his mind. He'd thought it good for a moment, until Ruki frowned, his eyes narrowing and his lips curling back some in a grimace. He shook his head violently, hands shaking suddenly as they clutched at the arms of his chair. As Yu~ki watched, red droplets fell from his face and splattered onto the material of his jeans, making dark spots in their wake that Yu~ki knew from experience would never come out.
"You've ruined lives, Yu~ki! You've ruined careers, bands, dreams!" His voice was growing quickly to a feverish growl, tinted with despair and tears. Yu~ki shivered, drawing back in his chair some. Ruki's eyes flew up and he stared into Yu~ki with a wild desparation. "How could you be so selfish, so unfeeling! You don't have an ounce of humanity left in you!" The grimace fell off his face, to be replaced by shock and pain. "I envy you," he breathed, the broken words barely making it past his lips, "more than I hate you. And I hate you...more than I could ever describe." Yu~ki shivered, a tiny shuddering gasp parting his lips. His own fingers trembled against his knee, and he shut his eyes for a moment, taking time to gather his wits.
"Get out," he said finally, and thought for a moment that he was speaking to thin air. He kept his eyes shut, willing the bother away, willing the pain away. But just because he couldn't see him didn't mean he was gone.
"I almost killed my guitarist," Ruki practically whimpered, his voice at Yu~ki's feet now. Yu~ki started and clutched his hands together, shutting his eyes tight. He couldn't deal with this, with himself, anymore. Why didn't Ruki understand that enough damage had been done! "I couldn't stand to touch people. Do you know what it feels like to want to hurt someone so very badly..." Yu~ki gasped as a light touch brushed against his cheek, and turned his face away forcefully. "To want them..." he breathed, the voice closer now to Yu~ki's face, mere inches from him. But he couldn't summon his infamous strength of will, was broken against the monster he himself had helped to create. "Want them so much...but not want to hurt them..." Ruki licked his lips, tucking his bottom lip under his teeth and letting it drag out slowly as he traced one finger along Yu~ki's jaw. "I killed cats, Yu~ki," he whispered, laughing at himself in a choked chuckle. "Cats! And I hadn't tasted human blood...until I couldn't stand it any longer..." The hand curled under Yu~ki's chin, and Ruki smirked at the man's quickened heartbeat, at the pungent smell of blood under his skin. Yu~ki shivered and screamed at the man in his mind, but knew he was helpless now, entirely under Ruki's thumb since he'd let him get so close. "I went to the market, because I was so hungry. And do you know what I found there?" A tiny whimper escaped Yu~ki as Ruki pressed his palm against his throat, gently at first but with increasing pressure. "I found a beautiful, wonderful dinner. She was so hot and sweet...and I couldn't resist her. She wanted me as I wanted her...so I ate all I could until I couldn't eat anymore, and I left her there in case someone else wanted the little bit that was left. But do you know what I realised?" His hand drifted down, wrapping around his neck now, fingers splaying across it as he turned to hold the man's neck sideways. "I realised later..." he said slowly, a maniacal grin spreading suddenly across his face. "That I wanted to break her like she broke me!" His hands trembled violently against Yu~ki's skin, and suddenly his nails dug into the nape of his neck, fingers sinking in all to deep. With a desparate cry, Yu~ki writhed against the chair, shifted against the fingers deep in the back of his neck, but only served to make the wound deeper. Tears streamed down his face as Ruki laughed, softly and as if he didn't know what he was doing hurt Yu~ki at all. Yu~ki's eyes flew open and suddenly Ruki wrenched his hand away from Yu~ki, standing as the vampire collapsed to the floor.
"I will kill you someday, Yu~ki," he promised, the hand he'd shoved into the base of his maker's skull dripping gore at his side. He stood still as Yu~ki coughed and spasmed against the floor sporadically. The elder vampire turned on his back, mouth hanging open and blood streaming out, smeared across his face and tinting his painfully narrowed eyes. Ruki stared down at him coldly, as unfeeling as Yu~ki had ever been, and caught his gaze before continuing. "I will take from you everything you own, everything you have ever loved, and I will do it slowly and in ways that you will know it was me. And you will not be able to stop me, and you will not be able to kill me. You've already killed me. I am dead." Yu~ki blinked, and suddenly Ruki was gone. He was left alone in his house once more, blood pooling on the floor beneath his head. Slowly, as he waited for the wounds Ruki had inflicted to heal so that he could move again without fear, he began to realise that Ruki couldn't do him much harm, in truth. He'd already ensured that those things he loved hated him in return, and would never feel toward him as he had toward them; and he'd done this all on his own. He really was the monster they all called him, unfeeling and inhuman. Whose fault was it, then, that he felt now? There was only one answer, in truth, and Yu~ki knew that only in resolving that would he ever be happy again.