My A.D.H.D. This is every moment of every day for me.
I have flung myself into an endless sea. Each new idea crashes upon me with intensity and vanishes just as quickly. Panic is the first reaction at the thought of drowning in a sea of myself, my impressions, my emotions, my thoughts, my reactions to all the external stimuli in the world. Panicking is the last thing you should do. It just makes everything worse. But for most of my life I have felt like I was drowning.
Too much emotion. Too many things, impossible to grasp. My thoughts are so quick and fleeting that finishing a single sentence is a hard fought battle. Always being told to "Pay attention." I really would if I could but I am truly incapable unless the subject is something that my brain is really interested in, like art. I have so many creative outlets it's like I'm just bursting at the seams. So instead of fighting it, gasping for a breath of calm like it's oxygen, what I have had to do is learn to breath under water.
See when I think about the words, "pay attention" I think how does one pay it? Is there some kind of internal currency I lack that doesn't allow my attention to rest on subjects I don't personally find of interest? Or to be even more truthful, struggle with because of this constant state of reactionary being. My mind is rarely restful. It's like perpetual popcorn in the microwave.
So yeah, I got off of my meds. Trying to become my own inner mermaid is not easy.
Too much emotion. Too many things, impossible to grasp. My thoughts are so quick and fleeting that finishing a single sentence is a hard fought battle. Always being told to "Pay attention." I really would if I could but I am truly incapable unless the subject is something that my brain is really interested in, like art. I have so many creative outlets it's like I'm just bursting at the seams. So instead of fighting it, gasping for a breath of calm like it's oxygen, what I have had to do is learn to breath under water.
See when I think about the words, "pay attention" I think how does one pay it? Is there some kind of internal currency I lack that doesn't allow my attention to rest on subjects I don't personally find of interest? Or to be even more truthful, struggle with because of this constant state of reactionary being. My mind is rarely restful. It's like perpetual popcorn in the microwave.
So yeah, I got off of my meds. Trying to become my own inner mermaid is not easy.