Hilarious* Election Stories!
*Probably not actually hilarious to anyone but me.
1) Sign wars! There's a main road running through my constituency, and the sign wars started out with a row of small yellow Lib Dem logo diamonds on wooden posts in the gardens of the houses as you come out of town. (Also hilarious because this row of houses is opposite where the former Tory MP lives. I find him distasteful for reasons related to a one-sided feud I am having with him so the idea of him shaking his fist in impotent rage makes me happy. I am a terrible person for this display of schadenfreude on my part and yet - I am comfortable with this.) But the signs? All knocked down by an unknown assailant or assailants! How sad it was to see these poor yellow diamonds knocked askew, flailing weakly on the pavement.
But then! Next door to these now-vanquished signs... Flags appear, raised proudly above a very tall hedge! Blue flags. Blue flags with a face on. The face of the Tory challenger, smiling down benevolently on pedestrians! You can't knock these down without actually trespassing on our property at an increased risk of being caught, they implied. Tacitly. In my mind. Furthermore, you know where the Tories stand on homeowners defending their land. With a can of baked beans. Such as I might have. Right here in my hand. And you are well-hidden from public view by this really quite ridiculously large hedge. (This all still only in my head.)
It gets even more exciting! Walking home today: fluorescent orange Lib Dem signs. Rectangles, this time. Four times the original size. Five of them. Unmissable. On three legs each. Some of them with extra reinforcement.
Your move, Tory house!
2) BNP accidentally endorse the Lib Dems news!
So apparently, the BNP have decided to stand here. As is their (far, far) right. Alas, they have not ventured out to canvas. Instead we got a leaflet - on one side was our local candidate (red-faced) and a British flag (he should go with a more muted palette). On the other was Nick Griffin photoshopped next to Winston Churchill. (Churchill looking on in disgust. Griffin oblivious.) My favourite bit was the line that stated that voting for Labour, the Conservatives, UKIP or Green meant keeping our brave British lads in Afghanistan.
And I willfully misinterpreted this to mean that even the far right want to vote for the Lib Dems, really.
Yes - this IS how I choose to start writing again after not posting for ten months. Hello.
1) Sign wars! There's a main road running through my constituency, and the sign wars started out with a row of small yellow Lib Dem logo diamonds on wooden posts in the gardens of the houses as you come out of town. (Also hilarious because this row of houses is opposite where the former Tory MP lives. I find him distasteful for reasons related to a one-sided feud I am having with him so the idea of him shaking his fist in impotent rage makes me happy. I am a terrible person for this display of schadenfreude on my part and yet - I am comfortable with this.) But the signs? All knocked down by an unknown assailant or assailants! How sad it was to see these poor yellow diamonds knocked askew, flailing weakly on the pavement.
But then! Next door to these now-vanquished signs... Flags appear, raised proudly above a very tall hedge! Blue flags. Blue flags with a face on. The face of the Tory challenger, smiling down benevolently on pedestrians! You can't knock these down without actually trespassing on our property at an increased risk of being caught, they implied. Tacitly. In my mind. Furthermore, you know where the Tories stand on homeowners defending their land. With a can of baked beans. Such as I might have. Right here in my hand. And you are well-hidden from public view by this really quite ridiculously large hedge. (This all still only in my head.)
It gets even more exciting! Walking home today: fluorescent orange Lib Dem signs. Rectangles, this time. Four times the original size. Five of them. Unmissable. On three legs each. Some of them with extra reinforcement.
Your move, Tory house!
2) BNP accidentally endorse the Lib Dems news!
So apparently, the BNP have decided to stand here. As is their (far, far) right. Alas, they have not ventured out to canvas. Instead we got a leaflet - on one side was our local candidate (red-faced) and a British flag (he should go with a more muted palette). On the other was Nick Griffin photoshopped next to Winston Churchill. (Churchill looking on in disgust. Griffin oblivious.) My favourite bit was the line that stated that voting for Labour, the Conservatives, UKIP or Green meant keeping our brave British lads in Afghanistan.
And I willfully misinterpreted this to mean that even the far right want to vote for the Lib Dems, really.
Yes - this IS how I choose to start writing again after not posting for ten months. Hello.