no, not an april fools joke
(retrived from my other journal)
guh, the drama...
here i am, on the eve of spring quarter, 20 credits looming over my head. plenty of stress in and of itself. so why do i always chose to create more drama? i had a random chance to see inside someones thoughts tonite, so i took it. just out of curiosity mind you, i dont go digging around peoples lives trying to uncover their deepest darkest secrets or trying to put myself at some unfair advantage over them. but i do occasionally wonder how other people think, tho mostly just what is their opinion of me. thus when i stumbled across such information tonite, i looked out of mild interest. what i got instead rather threw me. i was under the impression that this person didnt mind me, or maybe even that we were starting to become friends. we had an issue in the recent past, but i tried to clear up my side of the story. so i thought things were ok between us. now tho, im not so sure... but what really bugs me is that from the way this person treats me, i believed they had come to terms with or forgiven me for my supposed transgression. and im afraid now that their opinion of me (which could be based on faulty information) will infect others opinions or interactions or friendships with me. or to be more plain, im afraid that ill get an unfavorable reputation if this inaccuracy spreads. in one way i feel like an idiot cus ive always thought i didnt care about being 'popular'. but then again gossip spreads in YSA wards worse than an infectious disease, and new folks could be judging me for something they dont know anything about. i think ive always had a reputation of being 'nice' for lack of more descriptive terms. but now word could be quite the contrary, which really bothers me. and the fact that i seem to worry so much is a new phenomenon, i used to think i didnt care at all what other people thought of me. but now my reputation in the ward does actually matter, since thats where im guessing im supposed to meet my future husband. and i dont want him to judge me before he even meets me.
does that make sense??
guh, the drama...
here i am, on the eve of spring quarter, 20 credits looming over my head. plenty of stress in and of itself. so why do i always chose to create more drama? i had a random chance to see inside someones thoughts tonite, so i took it. just out of curiosity mind you, i dont go digging around peoples lives trying to uncover their deepest darkest secrets or trying to put myself at some unfair advantage over them. but i do occasionally wonder how other people think, tho mostly just what is their opinion of me. thus when i stumbled across such information tonite, i looked out of mild interest. what i got instead rather threw me. i was under the impression that this person didnt mind me, or maybe even that we were starting to become friends. we had an issue in the recent past, but i tried to clear up my side of the story. so i thought things were ok between us. now tho, im not so sure... but what really bugs me is that from the way this person treats me, i believed they had come to terms with or forgiven me for my supposed transgression. and im afraid now that their opinion of me (which could be based on faulty information) will infect others opinions or interactions or friendships with me. or to be more plain, im afraid that ill get an unfavorable reputation if this inaccuracy spreads. in one way i feel like an idiot cus ive always thought i didnt care about being 'popular'. but then again gossip spreads in YSA wards worse than an infectious disease, and new folks could be judging me for something they dont know anything about. i think ive always had a reputation of being 'nice' for lack of more descriptive terms. but now word could be quite the contrary, which really bothers me. and the fact that i seem to worry so much is a new phenomenon, i used to think i didnt care at all what other people thought of me. but now my reputation in the ward does actually matter, since thats where im guessing im supposed to meet my future husband. and i dont want him to judge me before he even meets me.
does that make sense??