I'm talky lately.
Work was a bitch and a half today, but I survived and have the weekend off. I start at the new store on Tuesday instead of the 18th now, which isn't the worst thing but was an unwelcome surprise. I thought I had a week and a half to say goodbye and disassociate myself from the people who've enriched my life for the past year and a half; only having two days takes some adjustment for me. Especially when the change was communicated in a sudden, disorganized (and therefore, in my mind, unprofessional) way. I'll live, but still. Tuesday.
It's on Facebook, but I'm a little boozy. Hyped up from a long day and a great stout and a chill but pleasant evening so getting out some jitters before I sleep like a baby. And this way I just write at you, Genna (my one reader now!), instead of texting inappropriate people. Boys, I mean inappropriate boys. Cuz when I'm this boozy, I don't care enough not to text the guy who said he wanted to be friends then ignored me. Oh, Erica.
The writing a couple of nights ago about the conversation with my dad -- that was a message I sent to a kindred spirit friend of mine. We've known each other for sixteen years -- he was my percussion instructor in high school, and we become close friends my senior year/after I graduated. Sometime last year we reconnected after a period of time and talk every now and again, mostly through Facebook messages but on the phone a few times more recently. He's the person I don't talk to for five years then one of us says hello and we play life catch-up and realize that we're going through similar experiences.
I think I have a latent crush. He's ... eight? years older than me? Maybe seven. Enough to be an Age Gap not enough to Matter A Lot anymore. But when I was fifteen, he was in his early twenties. Nothing remotely inappropriate ever happened, but I realized recently that he was the first adult I ever knew who saw me as a person and as a woman, rather than as a daughter or a child or a student. He treated me like an adult, even when I was still a kid, because I was at an age of growing up as we met and grew close. I told my mom not too long ago that we'd reconnected again and that, like always, we seem to be in similar places in life despite age and location and life direction, and she commented that that has always seemed the case (agreed) and that when I was younger, she and my dad never understood how connected we were. To me, that affirmed our kindred-spiritness.
Anyway, the point being, as we've shared and talked on the phone (it's a big deal because I oh-so-very rarely talk on the phone to anyone other than a few family members) and connected in general, I've found feelings bubbling to the surface that I think are part of the latent crush. I mean, how could I not fall a little in love as an awkward girl in high school and early college who felt interesting and understood by a worldly, intelligent older man she respected so much? I think leftovers of that are appearing now, and I'm hoping that getting it out now will let me process and move on. Because I value being kindred spirits more than I could possibly care about some romantic fling. And it is so unlikely and, frankly, egotistical of me to assume any kind of romantic feelings on his part; there is no indication of such notion.
I think it is also related to the current stage of life we've been sharing with each other -- we are both single and desiring of a longterm relationship sooner rather than later because later is when we are each old. So if that's mainly what we're talking about, then that's mainly what I'm thinking about when I think about him. Makes sense.
Lord in heaven, this is ramble-y. And part of the point is that -- I forgot what I just remembered as part of the point. I am boozy.
Well, I guess part of the point is that we haven't spent any quality time in the same room in at least ... I have honestly no idea in how long. He's a teacher and planning to travel a lot this summer, and NYC is on the short list so spending quality time in a room is on my mind. And sometimes that quality time is a dark pub over too many beers and my imagination runs more wild than I want it to. That part of me thinks it might be inevitable that something could or would happen, and I guess it wouldn't be the end of the world, but I can imagine beyond that because, for all our similarities, we are different people. We look the the world and usually process the world in similar ways, but the paths those behaviors have taken us down are different.
Wow, reeeeeally ramble-y. I'm cutting myself off because: 1) I'm exhausted, and 2) I'm starting to feel like such a girl. Forgive me this whole mess of an entry. Goodnight!