(no subject)
My life is filled with so many questions lately.
I've been told by a friend that I've been trying to hard.
I'm really beginning to wonder if it's true.
I miss Ed like woah. I know that if he were here, he's give me a hug and tell me that everything will be okay. It's just sad to think that I'll probably only see him once or twice a year (if I'm lucky). He knows how to calm me down and make me smile when I think smiling is impossible. He is such a true friend.
It's been 3 days since I've spoken to him. One week since I've seen him. I know it's early to say but I miss him. I can't help but wonder if I'm simply wasting my time, or if everyone is right - and I just try too hard. I didn't think he was out of my league a month ago, but as every day passes and the calls never come, I'm starting to believe it.
I know it could be a number of things. There are thousands of reasons why he wouldn't be able to get in touch with me. But my demented mind always goes to the worst case senario. I mean - honestly - how hard is it to text back?
He promised that he'd come to the party on Saturday. If he doesn't come to it - I don't know what I'll do.
This always happens to me. I always get disappointed. It's like high school all over again. I'm sick and tired of being the funny akward girl. No respectable guy would ever date me. And for once in my life I thought that someone really saw me for who I was. I really hope I wasn't mistaken. I really thought he was better than that.
So basically, I'm going through all of these random emotions. It's like 9th grade all over again.
I just want things to make sense.
I really want to know where I stand.
And I know I've said it before, but if he crushes me I doubt I'll get up again.