days like this i don't know what to do with myself
I have a bad habit of neglecting my journal when I can't find the right words. At the moment, my brain is swarming and I need to somehow organize the thoughts. Pardon me while I stammer through.
I'm drifting in and out of sleep as I type, but I feel a sort of emotional vulnerability right now that makes me want to write.
At what point do I give up the past and devote myself fully to the present? Last night was Bury Your Dead, 100 Demons, & Since the Flood. I went with two friends from Long Island, and Ryan brought a girl he is friends with. The tension level was at an all time high. I introduced myself; she's friendly and we are twins (piano-loving, forensic scientist wannabes with short dark hair and sideswept bangs, both wearing the same black zipup and a trendy headband). There is nothing that I could have against her, which is good for my personal zen and for the common good of everyone. It would make me very content to be on good terms with Ryan, even to be friends enough to discuss problems with other girls/guys. Maybe Claire & Ryan as an couple could only last so long but as people we still have potential to get along.
Perhaps I'll go to Long Island this weekend. Last time I had the most beautiful experience on the way home. The ferry was pulling out of the port and I was standing on the top deck looking at the water. It was night out, the sky was purple and red, and I just watched the lights from Port Jeff become more and more distant until they disappeared. I felt happy for the first time in a while.
I'm sick of having Pro-Life/Pro-Choice debates. We debate in school civilly, we argue gently at the lunch table, and Ryan and I FIGHT over it daily. What happened to people respecting opinions that aren't their own?
I still don't feel sorted out. That was a waste of time.
I'm drifting in and out of sleep as I type, but I feel a sort of emotional vulnerability right now that makes me want to write.
At what point do I give up the past and devote myself fully to the present? Last night was Bury Your Dead, 100 Demons, & Since the Flood. I went with two friends from Long Island, and Ryan brought a girl he is friends with. The tension level was at an all time high. I introduced myself; she's friendly and we are twins (piano-loving, forensic scientist wannabes with short dark hair and sideswept bangs, both wearing the same black zipup and a trendy headband). There is nothing that I could have against her, which is good for my personal zen and for the common good of everyone. It would make me very content to be on good terms with Ryan, even to be friends enough to discuss problems with other girls/guys. Maybe Claire & Ryan as an couple could only last so long but as people we still have potential to get along.
Perhaps I'll go to Long Island this weekend. Last time I had the most beautiful experience on the way home. The ferry was pulling out of the port and I was standing on the top deck looking at the water. It was night out, the sky was purple and red, and I just watched the lights from Port Jeff become more and more distant until they disappeared. I felt happy for the first time in a while.
I'm sick of having Pro-Life/Pro-Choice debates. We debate in school civilly, we argue gently at the lunch table, and Ryan and I FIGHT over it daily. What happened to people respecting opinions that aren't their own?
I still don't feel sorted out. That was a waste of time.