Dad. Dad. DAD.
OH MY GOD. DAD. No. SHUT UP. YOU DO NOT GET A FUCKING SAY IN MATTERS OF REPRESENTATION YOU ARE AN OLD WHITE GUY YOUR WHOLE LIFE YOU HAVE BEEN REPRESENTED EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE SO NO YOU SHUT UP RIGHT NOW.
To steal one of the most-quoted lines of one of my favorite characters on Supernatural (which is chock-full of white guys but does hold the promise of *heavenly A-chord* an actual bisexual character who is defined by something other than his bisexuality like the fact that he tries to make the fate of the entire world his responsibility even when it isn't [and it was, once, so y'know he actually had reason to feel that way but not any more God Dean you need therapy I love you honestly but there's guilt and then there's unearned guilt okay?]):
Dad, you're my father and I love you... But you are a great big bag of dicks.
Why does it matter if some NFL player comes out as gay?
It matters to every gay kid who wants to grow up to be an NFL player -- now they know they can do it and they can have that. They can have a football career and a boyfriend/husband. They can have a career and a boyfriend/husband and no one will threaten to/actually kill them.
It matters to every bi girl who only figured out that they were bi because they happened to come across a Victoria's Secret catalog and she realized that she didn't think the women were pretty "because everyone else said so" (though that was part of it) but because she's sexually attracted to women too.
It matters to every asexual person whose friends think they're weird when really, they're just on a different point on the sexuality spectrum.
It matters because in 8 seasons of NCIS there hasn't been one gay character who didn't either A) have an affair with someone of the same sex; B) end up dead; C) both; or D) was the villain of the week. NINE FUCKING SEASONS. Because SOMEONE in the NCIS outfit named an episode in which a gay petty officer was murdered Recruited. (And don't give me any blustering bullshit about how the PO was a recruiter--do you think it's coincidental? Because holy God it is SO VERY MUCH NOT a coincidence. Not when one of the common arguments against allowing LGBT people become teachers/work with kids is "well, they can't reproduce naturally so they have to recruit".)
It matters because as I said Dean Winchester might just be the first canon bisexual lead in an American network action/horror/drama show. Because usually when a male lead's sexuality is something other than default-heterosexual, he's in some angst-drenched drama-only show (see: Queer As Folk) and it's usually on cable or on special-package channels that you have to pay extra for.
It matters because if Dean is bi, and they spend one episode on it (the big reveal) and then after that the only way you hear about it is if some woman hits on him and he turns her down with a "I'm flattered and you are my kind of hot, but I've got this angel I'm nuts about--and there he is now, later!", it's another step toward people internalizing the new normal of 'oh, human being! should treat them like a human being!'
It matters because the doctrine of "separate but equal" just fucking isn't.
It matters to couples who have been together for decades, who love each other and are as committed and faithful to one another as my straight grandparents are--Can you imagine going across the border into a state where your marriage is suddenly nullified? So that if you needed to (and O God forbid it!) make a serious medical or legal decision on behalf of your spouse, you could not legally do so?
It matters to me, Dad. It matters to me. I am the flesh of your flesh, the blood of your blood, and it matters to me.
It matters to me because I was in my fucking 30s before I ever saw Captain Jack Harkness. Over thirty fucking years before I saw a character who is attracted to women and men. Technically speaking, the good Captain is as pansexual as you can get without actually being attracted to saucepans, but the point stands: he was the first character who cheerfully slept with whoever caught his fancy without regard for their gender-presentation that I ever saw on TV.
It matters to me because I want to be sure I can marry the person I love, if by some miracle I find someone crazy enough to want to marry me. And I want to be able to marry them whether they're a man, a woman, or a trans*person.
It matters so much to know that being part of the QUILTBAG continuum is not a death sentence, is not a life sentence to loneliness and despair, is not something that means you are lesser: less worthy, less human.
Jesus FUCK, Dad. There are fucking hockey players who're more evolved in their viewpoints than you are.
It matters because words don't just fucking hurt, they fucking kill. And if you want the blood of innocents on your hands--the blood of children (and aren't you one of those dyed-in-the-wool think-of-the-children types? I know how you feel about kids, Dad, I do)--then by all means. Let us silence and repress and shame and go ahead and line those kids up against the wall and shoot them down with a literal bullet so they know their place.
That's why it matters, Dad. Representation fucking matters because it keeps blood off the walls.
By the way, I happen to be bisexual. I tend to prefer men, but the right girl comes along? I'll be hers.
And that's why it matters. Because you know and love someone who can't understand how you can say these things, believe these things. Someone you know, someone you love, is gay. Is bi. Is trans. We are not confused. We're not going through a phase. We're not evil, sick, wrong, bad, sinful, or immoral.
It matters because it hurts, it wounds deeply and invisibly, to be told lies, to be told to tell the same lies. Some of us get lucky and we get free of those lies, or we grow up without them.
It matters because for every lucky one, there are a hundred others dead -- by their own hand or by proxy, it doesn't make much difference. Dead's dead.
You'd rather see me in a grave than happily married to a woman, afforded all of the rights, responsibilities, privileges and appurtenances thereto? Would you, father of myself?
That's why it matters.
It's not about YOU. YOU, as I said, GET NO VOICE IN THIS. I know it doesn't feel good to hear that, and you know what? I'm glad you're not liking it. Because that's what "those people" feel every time you refer to them as "those people".
Every time you whine about how YOU don't like THEM, about how THEY should be quiet and not make you uncomfortable, every time you want THEM to lie and cover up and pretend and fake and otherwise deny the entirety of themselves and their experience, every time you ask WHATTYA MEAN I CAN'T BE A RAGING DOUCHEWAD TO THOSE PEOPLE!?, every time you act like the existence of another human being is an affront to your sensibilities, every time you demand that YOU get to have the biggest best slice of the rights pie and if there are any crumbs then maybe they can have some but not too many because then they'll be "SPECIAL" and dammit YOU ARE THE SPECIAL ONE YOU ARE YOU ARE YOU ARE YOUR MOMMY SAID SO SHE SAID YOU WERE THE SPECIALEST SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE AND NO ONE ELSE CAN BE MORE SPECIALER THAN YOUUUUUUUUU...
Yeah, every time you act like an entitled shitbag of a person who erases the value and humanity of fellow human beings? Those human beings don't feel good either.
So no. You get to shut up and stop whining. And you get to fucking sit there and try thinking about what the words "special" and "equal" actually mean, because obviously it's been a while since anyone's read the definitions of them. (Hint: THEY ARE NOT SYNONYMS.)
To steal one of the most-quoted lines of one of my favorite characters on Supernatural (which is chock-full of white guys but does hold the promise of *heavenly A-chord* an actual bisexual character who is defined by something other than his bisexuality like the fact that he tries to make the fate of the entire world his responsibility even when it isn't [and it was, once, so y'know he actually had reason to feel that way but not any more God Dean you need therapy I love you honestly but there's guilt and then there's unearned guilt okay?]):
Dad, you're my father and I love you... But you are a great big bag of dicks.
Why does it matter if some NFL player comes out as gay?
It matters to every gay kid who wants to grow up to be an NFL player -- now they know they can do it and they can have that. They can have a football career and a boyfriend/husband. They can have a career and a boyfriend/husband and no one will threaten to/actually kill them.
It matters to every bi girl who only figured out that they were bi because they happened to come across a Victoria's Secret catalog and she realized that she didn't think the women were pretty "because everyone else said so" (though that was part of it) but because she's sexually attracted to women too.
It matters to every asexual person whose friends think they're weird when really, they're just on a different point on the sexuality spectrum.
It matters because in 8 seasons of NCIS there hasn't been one gay character who didn't either A) have an affair with someone of the same sex; B) end up dead; C) both; or D) was the villain of the week. NINE FUCKING SEASONS. Because SOMEONE in the NCIS outfit named an episode in which a gay petty officer was murdered Recruited. (And don't give me any blustering bullshit about how the PO was a recruiter--do you think it's coincidental? Because holy God it is SO VERY MUCH NOT a coincidence. Not when one of the common arguments against allowing LGBT people become teachers/work with kids is "well, they can't reproduce naturally so they have to recruit".)
It matters because as I said Dean Winchester might just be the first canon bisexual lead in an American network action/horror/drama show. Because usually when a male lead's sexuality is something other than default-heterosexual, he's in some angst-drenched drama-only show (see: Queer As Folk) and it's usually on cable or on special-package channels that you have to pay extra for.
It matters because if Dean is bi, and they spend one episode on it (the big reveal) and then after that the only way you hear about it is if some woman hits on him and he turns her down with a "I'm flattered and you are my kind of hot, but I've got this angel I'm nuts about--and there he is now, later!", it's another step toward people internalizing the new normal of 'oh, human being! should treat them like a human being!'
It matters because the doctrine of "separate but equal" just fucking isn't.
It matters to couples who have been together for decades, who love each other and are as committed and faithful to one another as my straight grandparents are--Can you imagine going across the border into a state where your marriage is suddenly nullified? So that if you needed to (and O God forbid it!) make a serious medical or legal decision on behalf of your spouse, you could not legally do so?
It matters to me, Dad. It matters to me. I am the flesh of your flesh, the blood of your blood, and it matters to me.
It matters to me because I was in my fucking 30s before I ever saw Captain Jack Harkness. Over thirty fucking years before I saw a character who is attracted to women and men. Technically speaking, the good Captain is as pansexual as you can get without actually being attracted to saucepans, but the point stands: he was the first character who cheerfully slept with whoever caught his fancy without regard for their gender-presentation that I ever saw on TV.
It matters to me because I want to be sure I can marry the person I love, if by some miracle I find someone crazy enough to want to marry me. And I want to be able to marry them whether they're a man, a woman, or a trans*person.
It matters so much to know that being part of the QUILTBAG continuum is not a death sentence, is not a life sentence to loneliness and despair, is not something that means you are lesser: less worthy, less human.
Jesus FUCK, Dad. There are fucking hockey players who're more evolved in their viewpoints than you are.
It matters because words don't just fucking hurt, they fucking kill. And if you want the blood of innocents on your hands--the blood of children (and aren't you one of those dyed-in-the-wool think-of-the-children types? I know how you feel about kids, Dad, I do)--then by all means. Let us silence and repress and shame and go ahead and line those kids up against the wall and shoot them down with a literal bullet so they know their place.
That's why it matters, Dad. Representation fucking matters because it keeps blood off the walls.
By the way, I happen to be bisexual. I tend to prefer men, but the right girl comes along? I'll be hers.
And that's why it matters. Because you know and love someone who can't understand how you can say these things, believe these things. Someone you know, someone you love, is gay. Is bi. Is trans. We are not confused. We're not going through a phase. We're not evil, sick, wrong, bad, sinful, or immoral.
It matters because it hurts, it wounds deeply and invisibly, to be told lies, to be told to tell the same lies. Some of us get lucky and we get free of those lies, or we grow up without them.
It matters because for every lucky one, there are a hundred others dead -- by their own hand or by proxy, it doesn't make much difference. Dead's dead.
You'd rather see me in a grave than happily married to a woman, afforded all of the rights, responsibilities, privileges and appurtenances thereto? Would you, father of myself?
That's why it matters.
It's not about YOU. YOU, as I said, GET NO VOICE IN THIS. I know it doesn't feel good to hear that, and you know what? I'm glad you're not liking it. Because that's what "those people" feel every time you refer to them as "those people".
Every time you whine about how YOU don't like THEM, about how THEY should be quiet and not make you uncomfortable, every time you want THEM to lie and cover up and pretend and fake and otherwise deny the entirety of themselves and their experience, every time you ask WHATTYA MEAN I CAN'T BE A RAGING DOUCHEWAD TO THOSE PEOPLE!?, every time you act like the existence of another human being is an affront to your sensibilities, every time you demand that YOU get to have the biggest best slice of the rights pie and if there are any crumbs then maybe they can have some but not too many because then they'll be "SPECIAL" and dammit YOU ARE THE SPECIAL ONE YOU ARE YOU ARE YOU ARE YOUR MOMMY SAID SO SHE SAID YOU WERE THE SPECIALEST SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE AND NO ONE ELSE CAN BE MORE SPECIALER THAN YOUUUUUUUUU...
Yeah, every time you act like an entitled shitbag of a person who erases the value and humanity of fellow human beings? Those human beings don't feel good either.
So no. You get to shut up and stop whining. And you get to fucking sit there and try thinking about what the words "special" and "equal" actually mean, because obviously it's been a while since anyone's read the definitions of them. (Hint: THEY ARE NOT SYNONYMS.)