Reflecting on my year so far..
God and my savior Jesus Christ
I feel I am growing as a Christian more and more as time passes. It's a wonderful feeling, I've had moments where I was enlightened, moments when I was scared, moments when I felt guilty and moments when I felt close to Him more than ever. I just pray to keep getting stronger in my Faith, because I believe He is the reason for everything here. I continue to pray for him to keep me on the path that follows good. He has given me so many blessings that I am so thankful for and it keeps me driven to use them for good.
Love.
I've updated quite a bit on the love front. Douglas is still the most amazing man on this earth. I love him with all of my heart. We still are missing Hawaii.. and are wanting to get a place in CA in 2009. We laugh, we play. He's there for me and so wonderful. His photography business we got started for him last Christmas is doing wonderful! www.Douglas-Photography.com. We started a magazine together, www.CompassMagOnline.com, and we are just enjoying our time together. The love of my life.. ;)
Family.
They are my heart. Yet its all changed. I feel like I'm wanting to hide from certain things more each day. If I think back to my childhood, and how happy and fun it was. Things have just changed. Gotten complicated I guess. Sometimes I feel like I'm the one who wants to hold us all together as a family. I guess this is meant most for my dad. We've never really had a close relationship and he's so distant and bitter all the time. I'm not going to get to far into it. He's a good person, would never hurt any of us, he just gets bitter and withdraws. My mom seems sad a lot. I hate this. I just want to take her pain away, from losing my grandma, from her being sick. I dont want her to be scared I want her to enjoy life. I pray to be in the position where I can make this happen. Someday. I have faith. I will be able to give back to her like she gave to me all those years growing up. And to take care of my little sister. So that she doesnt have to worry about things. Just to protect the ones I love. I guess this is everyones wish.
Music. (and movies. and modeling.)
With my music.. the major project of completing my debut is YET AGAIN on hold until the investment of 12,000 comes through. But I am doing a lot of shows and recording in the meantime on various projects. I am looking to go in a more positive way musically, because looking back at certain song lyrics and such of the past, growing as a Christian has let me see they were not always the best choices. But you live, you learn. Ask for forgiveness and use your creativeness for something that will move people and inspire people. I have another movie soundtrack coming out in a couple weeks and will have 2 songs on iTunes. :)
I was also asked to be in a new tv show and have 2 movies coming out by 2009. Looking forward to be working in L.A. again, but I've been blessed to have gotten so many opportunities while being home in AZ. I never thought that could happen.. but never say never..
Modeling is going good as well, I am with multiple companies and i make great money doing so. ;) Just working working trying to stay busy :)
Friends.
Missing my CA babes more and more each day. I've realized who my true friends are. Have known for a long time, that those I spent some of the most awesome times with are in CA. I'd have to say that aside from Douglas and my fam my true friends are all there. After I moved away from AZ my friends in AZ complained that I had left, and that I was too far. Now since being back, ive BARELY seen them. Even though I've reached out to them all and have tried, they still say they same things they did when I lived there. At least its helped me realize you can't waste all that time reaching out to someone who doesn't meet you half way.
So that recaps a lot thats on my mind right now. More news as fall and winter approach! My FAVORITE times of the year!!
All my love,
Miss Mandi