a million little pieces, we've broken into
You'd think I'd know better by now than to make all of these grand claims about my rekindled love of LJ and how (omgyouguysiswear) I intend on writing in it obsessively once again. That generally lasts, like, a week. Or maybe now that I'm not 17 anymore I no longer feel the need to write every little detail of my life down.
Not much new has been happening lately, save for that my father (much to my shock) took early retirement from his job at the hospital. It was kinda scary at first, I didn't really know what it meant for him, but he has since lined up several job offers and it has now become a real possibility that he move to New Mexico. This definitely excites me. Don't get me wrong, I've made leaps and bounds in terms of how dependent I am on my family, but that doesn't mean that if, given the choice, I wouldn't take having them close to me. I already go through these bouts of feeling horribly, awfully guilty that while I'm living here and not calling my grandparents regularly, I'm wasting so many years of the few years they may have left. I realize how ridiculously macabre that line of thought is but I can't help it. I went from being around all of them as often as I wanted to once a year at most. And I can't help but feeling that, if they died tomorrow, they'd do so thinking I didn't care about them enough to be there.
... Okay, wow. Enough of that. I sometimes forget how LJ makes me all gloomy-like. BUT ANYWAY, the point is, my dad may be out here soon and that makes me happy. I haven't talked much to my mom at all lately ... I think it's been months. Somewhere along the way, she sort of became okay with minimal communication and I know it isn't because she doesn't love me but a result of how life played out, things I've said and done and OMG there I go again ...
I tend to bottle the shit out of things.
But I am happy, I really am! I've made yet another wonderful, awe-inspiring new friend and that counts for so very much. Laila and I had a pretty large fight, one I don't really want to go into details about, and we seem to have come to a good place because of it. I think I underestimate how much feeling at odds with her affects my general moods. So that's definitely a positive. Don't get me wrong, there are still some raw nerves and wounds not completely closed, but I think it's gonna be okay. It may not sound like it, but my optimism overfloweth.
Not much new has been happening lately, save for that my father (much to my shock) took early retirement from his job at the hospital. It was kinda scary at first, I didn't really know what it meant for him, but he has since lined up several job offers and it has now become a real possibility that he move to New Mexico. This definitely excites me. Don't get me wrong, I've made leaps and bounds in terms of how dependent I am on my family, but that doesn't mean that if, given the choice, I wouldn't take having them close to me. I already go through these bouts of feeling horribly, awfully guilty that while I'm living here and not calling my grandparents regularly, I'm wasting so many years of the few years they may have left. I realize how ridiculously macabre that line of thought is but I can't help it. I went from being around all of them as often as I wanted to once a year at most. And I can't help but feeling that, if they died tomorrow, they'd do so thinking I didn't care about them enough to be there.
... Okay, wow. Enough of that. I sometimes forget how LJ makes me all gloomy-like. BUT ANYWAY, the point is, my dad may be out here soon and that makes me happy. I haven't talked much to my mom at all lately ... I think it's been months. Somewhere along the way, she sort of became okay with minimal communication and I know it isn't because she doesn't love me but a result of how life played out, things I've said and done and OMG there I go again ...
I tend to bottle the shit out of things.
But I am happy, I really am! I've made yet another wonderful, awe-inspiring new friend and that counts for so very much. Laila and I had a pretty large fight, one I don't really want to go into details about, and we seem to have come to a good place because of it. I think I underestimate how much feeling at odds with her affects my general moods. So that's definitely a positive. Don't get me wrong, there are still some raw nerves and wounds not completely closed, but I think it's gonna be okay. It may not sound like it, but my optimism overfloweth.