Tuesday but Monday?
The weekend was arduous and I got almost nothing done for it outside of helping Jen move which took up a lot more of the day than I thought, though that did include going to pho afterward and hanging out a little while we recovered. We all decided to have a dinner and game night and I'll be doing the cooking and Jesse, Jen's brother will assist. He has that huge house so a big dinner will be fun. Decided on what I'll be making and we'll be going to do grocery on Thursday. I have some of the ingredients.
On the docket- I'll need to make something gluten free and with some vegetarian options. So I decided to do a French theme. Beef bourguinon with a mushroom variation for those vegetarian served over creamy polenta and a French side salad with beets, asparagus, goat cheese and lemony dressing. Jesse will be providing the wine. Jen will be making dessert. I thought about making fondant potato as well but I think that would be a bit too much. Fortunately the meal will be pretty hands off once I get the prep done. 15ish people, not too bad. I'd want to invite Kevin but we haven't done anything yet since we got back together, so I think that would steal away from stuff, maybe? I dunno. I'm sure he'll want the weekend to himself.
Either way, looking forward to it. Drinking and game night. Jen's family is always super fun.
The move was pretty straightforward. Fortunately she didn't move into a house with stairs. They bought the house from Alex's brother and his brother's wife clearly spent too much time on Pinterest. Like any type of theme on Pinterest she found got replicated in that house. Nothing was cohesive. Modern Farmhouse totally needs to die though I am really jealous of Jen's new kitchen. It's so nice! So jealous she has gas stove.
My plan to go to the movies on Monday just didn't happen. I didn't think I'd be able to focus at all. I woke up really early and went back to bed and had all the stress dreams. Intentionally breaking my tooth in my dream and being aware of it that I shouldn't do it? Check. Huge beach with waves crashing in for the rising tide? Check. Having to escape (check) while having to also go down the beach in my car with the waves crashing to get somewhere. I feel like there was one other element but that's all I can remember for the time being. The mini-cat drowning in the grocery bag that I was soaking things in really was an odd one. CPR with my index finger and trying to save the two little kittens was a little disconcerting. I should look that one up.
But my stress was sated when I got a text from Kevin saying he was home and he didn't even hop on WoW first which would probably have upset me more than anything. We didn't really text much, so we'll have to catch up later. He was pretty brief with things so I'm hoping we'll get back into the groove of it all again soon. I told him I had a rough week and he assumed it was because of him. There are of course other factors but he does have a hand in it. Being able to just sit down and actually talk to him would be nice. Talking on the phone about that stuff would be fine but I feel like the only time we really talk on the phone is when we're commuting. I guess I could call whenever but I know he wants his time and wants to do whatever when he gets home.
Saturday night chat was good, I kinda blew off the guild with fun night to talk with Matthew, the other guy from WA that plays WoW. Maybe someday we can all do a double date as Kevin had mentioned at one point. It could be a good time once Kevin and I sort things out, assuming they get sorted out. But having some guy perspective, even if we were both intoxicated during this talk was helpful and insightful. Apparently I'm surprisingly sweet rather than cold? I think I need to work on that. Kevin did mention I was cold to start, too.
Maybe I'm just overly guarded? Hm.
We almost had the dream team in RBGs. If only we could have swapped out Stront for Bron... we had some heavy hitters. Raxxis, Aldryck on his DK, Edward, Ava. Felty. Stuff actually died and for the most part, people did what they should have. Blue was a bit dismal when it came to flag carrying maps. Not using his cd's when he needed or using them when he didn't or outrunning the healers like always. Maybe if what Draxxer said was true, DH will be the meta next season and I'll be able to tank instead. We'll see. We have enough healers now. Blue wants to play other things which is fine. I'm totally fine base sitting and Draxxer said he'd lead on days when I'd tank. Definitely over hearing Blue say "oh they got me" when he dies, so casually.
This week, going to attempt to catch up on life things. I feel like I've shut down at home for a while. I'm thinking of moving and that's on the brain and I really just look at my apartment and hate it more and more each day.
Next week I'll sign up for more ET. Hopefully I won't be at Mayday again. While I like Taarna, her neuro-divergency and reminders of her being neuro-divergent and overall disdain for anything conservative and open opinions about it is exhausting to listen to. She doesn't talk politics directly, only political issues which is whatever but it's all she'll talk about outside of librarian stuff. Mayday as a building isn't horrible and I don't mind the walk to get to it. Especially if I get to walk by the corned beef place. Smells like heaven. Will I ever eat there? Doubtful. BUT who knows. Maybe sometime?
Sitting at Wainwright today for ET and for closing. So far I'm alone which is fine but interns and badges or first day and badges or people looking for their cards saying they have their email but they don't really... what is this existence? I really wish badging would add to their email that reception will email you when your badge arrives rather than 'just go to reception'.
We'll see how today goes, this building is a bit squirrly.
I'm realizing my last many entries were definitely written while I was in emotional and overall assuming headspace. The less I know the worse it is and I think had I felt secure in whatever Kevin and I have or don't have it would have been a breeze.
I need to stop being so timid with how I feel and less afraid of what I feel is going to be ultimately rejected and would start a huge disagreement and leave me feeling worse. I just don't know how to approach things or how to ask for what I want. Or for anything. Then again, with him, I do ask stuff and my questions usually don't get replied to which leaves me frustrated. I feel like asking for responses feels naggy and like I'm trying to micromanage but is it really?