Broken bones heal if you set them right life's a rollercoaster keep your arms inside.

[misshelenc]

I haven't done a proper update for ages, I was thinking about this in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep, and I decided that although I love this journal and reading and thinking, I use it for communities mostly, and of course reading individual friends posts, I don't feel like I have anything I want to contribute to it personally. All my

Comments

[silent2long]

I can relate so much, feeling like there is nothing special about me that I can share that someone else hasn't already experienced on a larger scale. Like what do I have to offer?

It's easy to feel this way. I know for me, part of the illnesses I have (avoidant personality disorder, social anxiety, depression, eating disorders) involve relentless comparing of myself to others and always I see myself as inferior, no matter how many tests I have nailed or goals I have met. I always downplay those too.

But something about journaling is so releasing. Seeing your own truths come alive in words. Owning them, owning your feelings. Those words are yours and yours alone. No one can take away from your experience, what makes you you.

And it always amazes me how even though so many of us communicate mostly by email or forums or journals, I can still pick out individual characteristics and stuff that makes each person unique and stand out. You are so nonjudgmental and so kind and uplifting of others. And so so vulnerable. I always want to hug you. We are all special in our own way. I really look forward to reading more of your journal!

[misshelenc]

It's a shame you feel this way, really, in my eyes you are a brilliant, intelligent person, I wish you could feel it too because I would literally read your shopping list, I love your writing that much. You certainly have ample love to give and plenty of thoughts and ideas worth sharing, in my opinion. I will continue to at least try to update though and remember your advice as I hate myself for having to dig into my skull to find any words worth saying at all. I have less problems writing letters though, I think typing might stunt me a bit.
I came close to crying reading your comment, you are so kind. I would love a silent2long hug and certainly make sure you felt warm and safe in my hug back. Be strong and also well done on your thanksgiving meal, it looked truly divine! It's a good job I wasn't invited I would have ate everyone's portion haha.
Loads of love, hope Monday is kind to you and you are too. xxxx

[bluedragonfly95]

Silent2long! It's been so long since I last saw you I worry about you girl! Xx hope your well

[silent2long]

Thanks bluedragonfly95! I am doing ok. Struggling with some depression and stress with a new job. I finally finished school and graduated, landed a medical coding job, passed my RHIT certification and should be thrilled I have gotten everything I worked for. But you know the old ED always plagues me. And anxiety that I am not doing a good enough job at my new position. I have had so little time to write on LJ. Life has been crazy busy and I am still getting used to working full time (plus my daily morning gym routine which takes almost two hours and then mental health group and other stuff). I miss all my friends on LJ! How are you doing? Good to hear from you!

[bluedragonfly95]

I'm so glad to hear you passed your schooling! I know that was a big thing for you (as it should be). I'm sad to hear your not coping to well but I suppose that goes hand in hand with mental health issues all you gotta do is get back up on the horse and keep riding. I just got out of hospital on Tuesday for my ed again hopefully for the last time but we all know how many times I've said that and landed myself back into hospital only two weeks later. I finally got off my section two weeks ago! So I'm finally a free women I feel so liberated but so does my anorexia :/. I'm looking at going back to school next year moving and there's even a guy on the scene again we have our first date on Saturday eep

[silent2long]

I hope you find a way to beat your disorder at least enough so you can go back to school and have a good life for yourself! And best wishes on your date! It's so good to hear you are still trying despite all your setbacks!

[bluedragonfly95]

Thankyou for your well wishes I'm hoping scho will give me something more to focus on