"I'm in three exclusive relationships right now."
If you don't already get the Overheard In New York RSS feed on here, you totally should. It's hilarious, seriously, you couldn't even script better. Though it does scare you a little that there are real people out there who say and think like this.
Behold some samples:
Cute 20-something queer on cell: I slipped and fell and slid about fifteen feet on 34th Street. Thank God I have a fat ass. It was like a Slip 'n Slide without the warm, the bathing suit, or the fun.
Mother: Kasey! Get away from the street! Those cabs will run right over you!
Kasey: But Dad is almost in the road!
Mother: Do you think I care what your father does??
Chick: Whatever. I could've annihilated Jesus at beer pong.
Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?
Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It's from the 70's, so the camera work is really bad, but it's not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, "You're the king of the Jews!" It's a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.
Hobo, to two girls: Hey, Mary Kate, got something to eat?
Girl #1, to girl #2: Ohmigod, did you hear that? Is she the pretty one?
Queer: Great shoes!
Woman: Thanks! They're Star Jones.
Queer: And they're as black as her soul.
Woman #1: Ever since she left the church, there's a big hole in her life.
Woman #2: Which she fills with cock.
Woman with white dog to woman with black dog: He's only barking because he isn't used to seeing that kind of dog.
Tourist guy: Wow. I love this city. If New York had a cunt, I would eat it.
Teen boy: I swear, I'm going to ejaculate on your countenance.
Teen girl: Dude, what the fuck?
Dim bulb: I'd say the odds are pretty good. At least fifty-fifty.
Dimmer bulb: No, they're not that good. More like forty-forty.
Toy soldier doorman: Sorry, sir, the store is closing and we're not letting anyone else in.
Guy: But I have an enormous expense account!
--FAO Schwartz
Black woman, looking at Nacho Libre poster: I don't wanna see any foreign shit. Fuck that!
Guy: I'm in love!
Girl: Awwww.
Guy: With marijuana.
Girl: Oh.
Teen boy #1: Is turkey actually, like, protein?
Teen boy #2: Of course. It's got chicken in it.
Girl tourist #1: Oh my gosh, look at what that guy is wearing!
Girl tourist #2: Ew. Blue jacket, striped shirt, black pants, brown shoes with no socks. That's terrible.
Girl tourist #1: Yeah, but, he can do that, right?
Girl tourist #2: Uh, no. Hello, nobody can get away with that.
Girl tourist #1: But, no, he can do that because he's, like, really from New York.
Sorority girl: I'm in three exclusive relationships right now.
Guy: My brother tried to fuck my girlfriend once and she still hates him for it! Some girls have no sense of humor.
*sighs*
xxx
Behold some samples:
Cute 20-something queer on cell: I slipped and fell and slid about fifteen feet on 34th Street. Thank God I have a fat ass. It was like a Slip 'n Slide without the warm, the bathing suit, or the fun.
Mother: Kasey! Get away from the street! Those cabs will run right over you!
Kasey: But Dad is almost in the road!
Mother: Do you think I care what your father does??
Chick: Whatever. I could've annihilated Jesus at beer pong.
Girl on cell: Listen, the only ass I kiss is Jesus Christ. Got that?
Teen boy: So I was watching one of those independent channels, and I saw this weird movie called Jesus Christ Superstar. Have you heard of it? It's from the 70's, so the camera work is really bad, but it's not in black and white or anything. The best part is that Herod is all big and fat and he sings this funny song, like, "You're the king of the Jews!" It's a pretty funny movie. You know, except they, like, kill Jesus at the end.
Hobo, to two girls: Hey, Mary Kate, got something to eat?
Girl #1, to girl #2: Ohmigod, did you hear that? Is she the pretty one?
Queer: Great shoes!
Woman: Thanks! They're Star Jones.
Queer: And they're as black as her soul.
Woman #1: Ever since she left the church, there's a big hole in her life.
Woman #2: Which she fills with cock.
Woman with white dog to woman with black dog: He's only barking because he isn't used to seeing that kind of dog.
Tourist guy: Wow. I love this city. If New York had a cunt, I would eat it.
Teen boy: I swear, I'm going to ejaculate on your countenance.
Teen girl: Dude, what the fuck?
Dim bulb: I'd say the odds are pretty good. At least fifty-fifty.
Dimmer bulb: No, they're not that good. More like forty-forty.
Toy soldier doorman: Sorry, sir, the store is closing and we're not letting anyone else in.
Guy: But I have an enormous expense account!
--FAO Schwartz
Black woman, looking at Nacho Libre poster: I don't wanna see any foreign shit. Fuck that!
Guy: I'm in love!
Girl: Awwww.
Guy: With marijuana.
Girl: Oh.
Teen boy #1: Is turkey actually, like, protein?
Teen boy #2: Of course. It's got chicken in it.
Girl tourist #1: Oh my gosh, look at what that guy is wearing!
Girl tourist #2: Ew. Blue jacket, striped shirt, black pants, brown shoes with no socks. That's terrible.
Girl tourist #1: Yeah, but, he can do that, right?
Girl tourist #2: Uh, no. Hello, nobody can get away with that.
Girl tourist #1: But, no, he can do that because he's, like, really from New York.
Sorority girl: I'm in three exclusive relationships right now.
Guy: My brother tried to fuck my girlfriend once and she still hates him for it! Some girls have no sense of humor.
*sighs*
xxx