i jinxed myself
i'm not feeling well. i say it's a jinx because night before last i was scarfing chips & salsa and telling naomi and micah, "i never get sick. i seem to have inherited my dad's immune system-the man never took a day off work," etc., etc.
but even while saying this, i agreed in my head that though i do rarely get sick in your typical cold/flu sort of way, i shouldn't be bragging about my health. i get mysterious muscle pains, bouts of asthma, and stomach issues pretty often. and these atypical ills totally conquered me last night.
the problem w/getting sick as an adult: there is always guilt added on. someone will always have to rearrange, or plain fuck up their plans to cover work for you. in my case, this happened, but actually, eddie, who i was working with, was also sick. we knew early on at least one of us would have to go home-we made little jokes about how pathetic we must seem, how mod was running on the little strength equivalent to an old, geriatric couple. i felt like, if eddie left, i could deal. as long as i had someone healthy around me to sort of shoulder the hard stuff, i'd be fine. he felt the same way, and even "pulled rank" to allow me the privalege of leaving (claiming, "things faze me less than they do you...i'm not being mean, i just mean since i've...been here longer...*mumbles about being a manager*). he promised he "needed the paycheck," and i KNEW he was being nice, but...the threat of vomit kept closing my throat, and it was difficult to talk.
marcus gave me a ride-i was a very willing passenger, at this point totally dazed, no idea how i'd lucked out enough to be on my way home 5 hours ahead of schedule. he made a stop at his house (i barely noticed), and before i stepped out of the car, handed me a glass pipe and a small cluster of weed. "this is good for nausea, and it'll definitely help your back pain...take 2 and call me in the morning!"
so, the night of nov. 17th, the year anniversary of chris' and my engagement, i spent mostly high in my duck pajamas, chanting to myself, "medicinal, medicinal, medicinal marijuana!"
since it's been a year of chris' and my promise to love each other forever & always, i thought i'd regurgitate some of my thoughts of the time, which are all still relevent, if not as giddy perhaps.
this morning we woke up early...7am, i think. for no reason. we got orange juice and chocolate milk, filled the car up w/gas and had croissants in our living room. it's a new day, a new reel unwinding and every time, i swear to you, it feels like a reintroduction to the love of my life.
sometimes i look at buildings or trees and i want to scale them. my instinct is to ascend. onward and upward.
___
i scrunch down in chris' passenger seat, singing to whatever's playing, tracing clouds out the window, looking at the sun through the lattice design in oscar's fancy fan (i stole it accidentally) "blinded by the lights, dizzy new heights"-just an aerial, floating consciousness that reminds me of childhood.
sitting in traffic at dusk. i complain. chris says "we can watch the streetlights come on." yeah. the bulbs are buzzing to life. this is great for some reason.
____
we were both sane individuals once. i swear. together, we're like furbys. put us in the same room facing each other and we'll start talking excitedly in a language both hard to understand and highly irritating.
but even while saying this, i agreed in my head that though i do rarely get sick in your typical cold/flu sort of way, i shouldn't be bragging about my health. i get mysterious muscle pains, bouts of asthma, and stomach issues pretty often. and these atypical ills totally conquered me last night.
the problem w/getting sick as an adult: there is always guilt added on. someone will always have to rearrange, or plain fuck up their plans to cover work for you. in my case, this happened, but actually, eddie, who i was working with, was also sick. we knew early on at least one of us would have to go home-we made little jokes about how pathetic we must seem, how mod was running on the little strength equivalent to an old, geriatric couple. i felt like, if eddie left, i could deal. as long as i had someone healthy around me to sort of shoulder the hard stuff, i'd be fine. he felt the same way, and even "pulled rank" to allow me the privalege of leaving (claiming, "things faze me less than they do you...i'm not being mean, i just mean since i've...been here longer...*mumbles about being a manager*). he promised he "needed the paycheck," and i KNEW he was being nice, but...the threat of vomit kept closing my throat, and it was difficult to talk.
marcus gave me a ride-i was a very willing passenger, at this point totally dazed, no idea how i'd lucked out enough to be on my way home 5 hours ahead of schedule. he made a stop at his house (i barely noticed), and before i stepped out of the car, handed me a glass pipe and a small cluster of weed. "this is good for nausea, and it'll definitely help your back pain...take 2 and call me in the morning!"
so, the night of nov. 17th, the year anniversary of chris' and my engagement, i spent mostly high in my duck pajamas, chanting to myself, "medicinal, medicinal, medicinal marijuana!"
since it's been a year of chris' and my promise to love each other forever & always, i thought i'd regurgitate some of my thoughts of the time, which are all still relevent, if not as giddy perhaps.
this morning we woke up early...7am, i think. for no reason. we got orange juice and chocolate milk, filled the car up w/gas and had croissants in our living room. it's a new day, a new reel unwinding and every time, i swear to you, it feels like a reintroduction to the love of my life.
sometimes i look at buildings or trees and i want to scale them. my instinct is to ascend. onward and upward.
___
i scrunch down in chris' passenger seat, singing to whatever's playing, tracing clouds out the window, looking at the sun through the lattice design in oscar's fancy fan (i stole it accidentally) "blinded by the lights, dizzy new heights"-just an aerial, floating consciousness that reminds me of childhood.
sitting in traffic at dusk. i complain. chris says "we can watch the streetlights come on." yeah. the bulbs are buzzing to life. this is great for some reason.
____
we were both sane individuals once. i swear. together, we're like furbys. put us in the same room facing each other and we'll start talking excitedly in a language both hard to understand and highly irritating.