(no subject)
so...haven't updated in awhile, and im not really sure why. I've kind of been avoiding writing here, like the plague, for some unknown, subconcious reason. There's no sense in launching a giant campaign listing the nothings that i've been doing for the past week, but i definetley can tell that there is something different here, than the last time i wrote.
For one, its Spring, and im not really sure what this means for me, besides the fact that something has awoken in my mind, and it makes me want to be a better person, which is good. Its bright, and it smells like spring, and while its not exactly green, everything seems to be alive, and this is good. Maybe finally i'll be able to move away from this feeling, ive been feeling the whole year. So many things right now in my life are going wrong, but miracuously i have the need, and the desire to want to make everything right again, and it feels right. I dont want to go back to anything: i've wronged so many people, i'm getting C's in two classes, i'm tired of having to lie to people all the time, and yet there's this intuitive feeling that things are going to work themselves out. Im eating better, im exersising, im considering the options for my life, that i've talked about in the past. SOme things, in the comming weeks, probably will be pretty rough, and its hard walking into school everyday, with such unfinished business, and loathing of people i just cant stand anymore. I guess in some way i just want to prove not only to everyone, but to myself that i am so much more capable than just SETTLING for everything, all the time. For every wrong thing that i do or that happens to me, i am replacing it with one good deed. I guess you can say that i see what i want, no...what i need, and i won't rest, until i get exactly whatever that thing is.
For one, its Spring, and im not really sure what this means for me, besides the fact that something has awoken in my mind, and it makes me want to be a better person, which is good. Its bright, and it smells like spring, and while its not exactly green, everything seems to be alive, and this is good. Maybe finally i'll be able to move away from this feeling, ive been feeling the whole year. So many things right now in my life are going wrong, but miracuously i have the need, and the desire to want to make everything right again, and it feels right. I dont want to go back to anything: i've wronged so many people, i'm getting C's in two classes, i'm tired of having to lie to people all the time, and yet there's this intuitive feeling that things are going to work themselves out. Im eating better, im exersising, im considering the options for my life, that i've talked about in the past. SOme things, in the comming weeks, probably will be pretty rough, and its hard walking into school everyday, with such unfinished business, and loathing of people i just cant stand anymore. I guess in some way i just want to prove not only to everyone, but to myself that i am so much more capable than just SETTLING for everything, all the time. For every wrong thing that i do or that happens to me, i am replacing it with one good deed. I guess you can say that i see what i want, no...what i need, and i won't rest, until i get exactly whatever that thing is.