a cross section of my mental processes
oh my god i cannot write this essay. i just absolutely cannot because i am burned out or sick and tired or something and i keep on drawing blanks when it comes to my purpose WHY DO I NEED A PURPOSE CANT THEY JUST LOOK AT THE FUCKING WORK AND READ MY LETTERS OF RECCOMENDATION THOSE PEOPLE HAVE DEGREES THEY CAN SAY WHAT MY PURPOSE IS MUCH BETTER THAN ME and everytime i write something i immediately cross it out and i can't be doing this i have to WRITE SOMETHING this is my FUCKING FUTURE oh jesus christ my whole fucking future is riding on what i have to say but why am i even trying? it's not gonna do any good i'm just gonna get rejected from every single fucking school anyway after all the work i put in ohhhhhhh jeeeeeeeeeesus i'm getting my hair cut tomorrow cause i want to look hotter but maybe i'll just look worse my hair looks fine as it is so what if it's boring? boring's better than stupid and the last thing you need is stupid hair when you already are at the end of your fucking rope because graduate school is driving you insane and you're not even IN YET IN FACT YOU PROBABLY WON'T GET IN AT ALL that is if you even manage to apply because YOU CANT WRITE YOUR FUCKING STATEMENT OF PURPOSE YOU STUPID GIRL shut up brain shut up you only make things worse i can do fine i always freak out about writing things and they always turn out great so if you just shut up for a second maybe i can think of something to write i need a beer and some nyquil STAT.