(no subject)
Alright, the past few days haven't been the greatest for me. if u know why, then yea for u, and if u don't, then long story short- i was stupid and lost my chance at somethin great. but in havin this time of self pity, i've also had some time to think. this year, despite the amount of happiness and goodness that it has given me, has also given me a lotta pain. it's added to the rejections that i have experienced in the past, and that's what has messed me up so much. but i guess i wanna write down the things that i have realized throughout all this that i can member right now, b/c all of my entries here r sad, and i at least want to say somethin positive from my sadness.
1) THE PAST IS GONE AND YOUU CAN'T CHANGE IT. i've always been one of those ppl who is effected by the past because my life is fulof patterns. i seem to make the same mistakes again and again, and i seem to just follow general trends in a lot of the things that i do. b/c of this, the past seems to haunt all of the decisions i make and all of the things i do b/c i'm so scared of makin the same mistakes more times. that's one fear that i have picked up along the way i guess. but bottom line, for ne1 who is readin this, i don't want this fate for u. i don't want this fate for myself nemore. take the past for what it is worth and learn what u can. but if u don't learn, don't dwell on it. and if u do, then great. live in the present and let ur actions be controlled by ur mind and ur heart and ur soul, and not by anything else.
2) RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ALMOST ANYTHING ELSE. I am so influenced by the people that have touched my life. they have all caused me to grow so much by the way that they touch me, regardless of what way it is that htey have touched me. sometimes i wanna push them away or not know them b/c they hurt me or r in situations that hurt me. but in the end, i know that they are what matters. i've always been one of those people who would help my friends above all, or at least i try to live by that. the people who hurt u show u what u want from the people that u love. the people that love u show u how to love. as alone as i feel right now, and as much i'm sure eventually all who r readin this will hear bout how alone i feel, i'm not really alone, b/c if there is someone out there readin this, then someone out there cares. if someone cares, then i'm not as alone as i feel, and i'm tryin real hard to member this.
3) JUMPING INTO A SITUATION BEFORE YOU KNOW ALL THE FACTS IS STUPID, BUT SOMETIMES, U NEED TO TAKE A RISK AND MOVE ON. i think that movin way too fast into somethin leads inevitably to heartache, b/c u develop notions about things that maybe rn't really there. maybe things r more in ur mind then that r actually real, and that's always a fear and always a reason to take some time. but we don't have forever, and sometimes, u just gotta jump in. despite the fact that this advice may have hurt me, i still have respect that certain ppls in my life have the carpability to do this. I mean, gosh, this is one thing that i'm bad at. i'm such a reserved person sometimes and i'm so insecure that i can never jump into situations, and sometimes i do think bout how much i miss out on and that makes me sad. but i guess that's somethin that i'm workin on changin, as slowly as it is comin about. i learned this weekend what it's like to be so scared that when u r ready to jump in, it's too late. u sit there and u try to come up with every reason y things wouldn't work, y u shouldn't take that leap, and so u hold off. but then when u r ready to jump, they've already decided that ur stayin where u r and have moved the net, and u fall flat on ur face. it's ok to fall flat on ur face, but it kinda sux, so if u can avoid it, then do so. don't miss an opportunity for somethin great just b/c ur scared.
and off of that... 4) DON'T LET FEAR RULE YOUR LIFE. there r lots of things in this world to be afraid of. it's a big place and once u get to know it well, it's not as fluffy and kind and we all wish that it would be. so, we're human, and we get scared when the sharp edges come around. to be scared is normal, but to be ruled by fear is crazy. sometimes, we just have to face fears that we have in order to be happy. sometimes it's somethin that seems so easy, like killin a spider, but sometimes it's so much more psychological, like bein afraid of bein hurt. either way, i challenge u to face a fear when u can. slap the world in the face by tellin it that ur not afraid of it ne more.
and last for right now, but not least, 5) LOVE YOURSELF. this is definetely a time in life where lovin urself is hard. there r so many ppl, so many things out there, so many reasons why we shouldn't do this. in fact, for me, this is probably the hardest thing that i've ever had to do, and i'm still not even close to bein successful. but if u can't love urself, then it's so hard to love others sometimes, b/c u get afraid that they see in u what u see in u, and u think that u know that no one could love that. but bottom line, every person is important and every person is special and will be loved by someone. but first love urself, so u do'nt miss out on this chance.
Right now, this is the extent of the things that i wish to impart, but maybe later i will continue this with more things i'd like to say. maybe later i will also follow my advice...
that said, i'm goin to sleep. wake me up in a year, or when the world gets to be the way that i like it, hopefully the latter will come first...
i love u all.
1) THE PAST IS GONE AND YOUU CAN'T CHANGE IT. i've always been one of those ppl who is effected by the past because my life is fulof patterns. i seem to make the same mistakes again and again, and i seem to just follow general trends in a lot of the things that i do. b/c of this, the past seems to haunt all of the decisions i make and all of the things i do b/c i'm so scared of makin the same mistakes more times. that's one fear that i have picked up along the way i guess. but bottom line, for ne1 who is readin this, i don't want this fate for u. i don't want this fate for myself nemore. take the past for what it is worth and learn what u can. but if u don't learn, don't dwell on it. and if u do, then great. live in the present and let ur actions be controlled by ur mind and ur heart and ur soul, and not by anything else.
2) RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ALMOST ANYTHING ELSE. I am so influenced by the people that have touched my life. they have all caused me to grow so much by the way that they touch me, regardless of what way it is that htey have touched me. sometimes i wanna push them away or not know them b/c they hurt me or r in situations that hurt me. but in the end, i know that they are what matters. i've always been one of those people who would help my friends above all, or at least i try to live by that. the people who hurt u show u what u want from the people that u love. the people that love u show u how to love. as alone as i feel right now, and as much i'm sure eventually all who r readin this will hear bout how alone i feel, i'm not really alone, b/c if there is someone out there readin this, then someone out there cares. if someone cares, then i'm not as alone as i feel, and i'm tryin real hard to member this.
3) JUMPING INTO A SITUATION BEFORE YOU KNOW ALL THE FACTS IS STUPID, BUT SOMETIMES, U NEED TO TAKE A RISK AND MOVE ON. i think that movin way too fast into somethin leads inevitably to heartache, b/c u develop notions about things that maybe rn't really there. maybe things r more in ur mind then that r actually real, and that's always a fear and always a reason to take some time. but we don't have forever, and sometimes, u just gotta jump in. despite the fact that this advice may have hurt me, i still have respect that certain ppls in my life have the carpability to do this. I mean, gosh, this is one thing that i'm bad at. i'm such a reserved person sometimes and i'm so insecure that i can never jump into situations, and sometimes i do think bout how much i miss out on and that makes me sad. but i guess that's somethin that i'm workin on changin, as slowly as it is comin about. i learned this weekend what it's like to be so scared that when u r ready to jump in, it's too late. u sit there and u try to come up with every reason y things wouldn't work, y u shouldn't take that leap, and so u hold off. but then when u r ready to jump, they've already decided that ur stayin where u r and have moved the net, and u fall flat on ur face. it's ok to fall flat on ur face, but it kinda sux, so if u can avoid it, then do so. don't miss an opportunity for somethin great just b/c ur scared.
and off of that... 4) DON'T LET FEAR RULE YOUR LIFE. there r lots of things in this world to be afraid of. it's a big place and once u get to know it well, it's not as fluffy and kind and we all wish that it would be. so, we're human, and we get scared when the sharp edges come around. to be scared is normal, but to be ruled by fear is crazy. sometimes, we just have to face fears that we have in order to be happy. sometimes it's somethin that seems so easy, like killin a spider, but sometimes it's so much more psychological, like bein afraid of bein hurt. either way, i challenge u to face a fear when u can. slap the world in the face by tellin it that ur not afraid of it ne more.
and last for right now, but not least, 5) LOVE YOURSELF. this is definetely a time in life where lovin urself is hard. there r so many ppl, so many things out there, so many reasons why we shouldn't do this. in fact, for me, this is probably the hardest thing that i've ever had to do, and i'm still not even close to bein successful. but if u can't love urself, then it's so hard to love others sometimes, b/c u get afraid that they see in u what u see in u, and u think that u know that no one could love that. but bottom line, every person is important and every person is special and will be loved by someone. but first love urself, so u do'nt miss out on this chance.
Right now, this is the extent of the things that i wish to impart, but maybe later i will continue this with more things i'd like to say. maybe later i will also follow my advice...
that said, i'm goin to sleep. wake me up in a year, or when the world gets to be the way that i like it, hopefully the latter will come first...
i love u all.