(no subject)
for some reason, i have found myself to be strangely emotional about kevin leaving tomorrow. we're just plain awkward around each other. it's gotten better, he's more normal now and isn't so aloof and distant and judgmental as he used to be, but we will still sit there and fish for things to talk about with each other. so basically, i'm not so sure why i'm as sad as i am. last night when he left my house i almost started crying. i still get to see him at some point today, and i was almost crying. josh called me right after he left and was like, "are you ok?" i didn't think i sounded sad, but apparently i did. and how do you explain that one? "oh my ex-boyfriend from high school that i'm very much so attracted to was just over and i'm sad now because he's leaving to go to chile for five months." that'd be great.
josh called me his girlfriend last night. one of his friends asked him who he was talking to and it went, "my friend from traverse city." "who?" "my girlfriend that lives in traverse city." whoa. i don't know if i want to be anyone's girlfriend until summer is over. which is completely selfish, but i'm still a little scared of all this. i can't jump right in to relationships anymore and give it everything i've got. and i won't be seeing him hardly at all until school starts. and yes i like him and think he'd be a wonderful boyfriend, but for some reason the idea of actually having a boyfriend so soon freaks me out a bit. and not so that i can hook up with other guys or something like that. just everything that comes with being in a relationship with someone now. it's a lot of baggage, a lot of introduction, a lot of compromise, and possibly a whole lot of being hurt and hurting back.
i just found a tube top from sophomore year that i bought ONLY because i was shopping with tollzein when we were dating and he told me he thought it was hot. that's literally why i bought it. and i hate tube tops. but today i love them because my shoulders are so, so burnt. good lord i can't believe i dated that kid.
all i write about are boys and dating.
josh called me his girlfriend last night. one of his friends asked him who he was talking to and it went, "my friend from traverse city." "who?" "my girlfriend that lives in traverse city." whoa. i don't know if i want to be anyone's girlfriend until summer is over. which is completely selfish, but i'm still a little scared of all this. i can't jump right in to relationships anymore and give it everything i've got. and i won't be seeing him hardly at all until school starts. and yes i like him and think he'd be a wonderful boyfriend, but for some reason the idea of actually having a boyfriend so soon freaks me out a bit. and not so that i can hook up with other guys or something like that. just everything that comes with being in a relationship with someone now. it's a lot of baggage, a lot of introduction, a lot of compromise, and possibly a whole lot of being hurt and hurting back.
i just found a tube top from sophomore year that i bought ONLY because i was shopping with tollzein when we were dating and he told me he thought it was hot. that's literally why i bought it. and i hate tube tops. but today i love them because my shoulders are so, so burnt. good lord i can't believe i dated that kid.
all i write about are boys and dating.