christmas is coming
And I don't really feel ready for it. I'm not feeling too christmas-y. I've been sick so that's made it hard. We have some presants bought but it all seems so not right this year. My mom did a lot of the shopping and got most of our stuff. Now I'm trying to do a lot of it. I feel lost. Well right now I currently feel sick becuase I felt car sick for the first time in almost a year tonight. Ugh.
I don't know. Things aren't right. I don't want to let myself get down about this being the first Christmas without my mom. I want it to be happy. It's just not feeling the way it should so far.
I know more of what I'll be getting from people. I hate that. I like to be surpirsed at Christmas. I was never the kid that looked for presants becuase I thought it was more fun not knowing. I actually even bought myself two books tonight with my dad's card. Now I have never done that before. It feels like cheating, like I'm cheating myself. I haven't told him yet. I think he'll be kinda sad, gratefull becuase I know that scowering for my books has been a labor of love for my parents since I could read but I know he likes to go out himself. It's only two presants but it feels ruined. They feel kinda tainted now. My one Aunt told me to just get them while we were there becuase it would be easier on my dad but now I kinda wish I would have just written them down for him.
Tomorrow's the town christmas party for local kids. I'll be volunteering and I don't even want to do that. So many scumbags will be there trying to take from the kids. It ruins it for me.
I need to make cookies for the kids at the library soon too becuase we're closing a week eariler then I had been orginally told. I just, I don't know.
It doesn't feel right. I need that spirit-stat
I don't know. Things aren't right. I don't want to let myself get down about this being the first Christmas without my mom. I want it to be happy. It's just not feeling the way it should so far.
I know more of what I'll be getting from people. I hate that. I like to be surpirsed at Christmas. I was never the kid that looked for presants becuase I thought it was more fun not knowing. I actually even bought myself two books tonight with my dad's card. Now I have never done that before. It feels like cheating, like I'm cheating myself. I haven't told him yet. I think he'll be kinda sad, gratefull becuase I know that scowering for my books has been a labor of love for my parents since I could read but I know he likes to go out himself. It's only two presants but it feels ruined. They feel kinda tainted now. My one Aunt told me to just get them while we were there becuase it would be easier on my dad but now I kinda wish I would have just written them down for him.
Tomorrow's the town christmas party for local kids. I'll be volunteering and I don't even want to do that. So many scumbags will be there trying to take from the kids. It ruins it for me.
I need to make cookies for the kids at the library soon too becuase we're closing a week eariler then I had been orginally told. I just, I don't know.
It doesn't feel right. I need that spirit-stat