(no subject)
Its after two in the morning and I felt like writting down my last thoughts before I go to sleep, or try to. I'm realizing how much I wish I had freedom. I wish I had all the money in the world, not only to be able to buy the things I want and need, but also to be able to take care of the people I love and to be able to experience LIFE. You may argue that this constant battle of living from paycheck to paycheck IS life. I disagree. I believe that going to work all the time and fufilling your obligations are not the experiences that build us. Dont get me wrong, nothing wrong with a little hard work- it DOES built character and teach people to be thankful for what they have and to know that good things come to those who wait, all the hoo-blah. I really feel that if I had money to be able to get into my car, I would know what life should be about. For quite a while now, I've had this vision of getting into my car and driving up north to the mackinaw bridge. No plans, no where planned to stay. Just drive and sit next to the lake and watch the sun come up. Snuggle up under clothes in the back seat and wake up smiling because I did something impulsive and crazy. I want to drive up there and watch the sun rise over the water. I want to drive to Kentucky to see Chelsea, and I want to drive to Texas to see Tricia, then go on to California where I'd see my family and check out graduate school options there. I want to live life. I can understand why dying people refuse cancer treatements and just want to live life. I can understand because although I'm not rapidly dying- I feel the urge to seize like while I'm young. A friend of mine dropped everything and moved out of state and is living a bohemian life. She really didn't know what she was going to do as for jobs or anything when she got there. All she knew is that that is where her heart said to go and she went. Me, I dont know where I'm supposed to be...but it's not in this ordinary life. I dont want to live with a boy and live happily ever after. I want someone with the same dreams that wants to run free too...Throw up our hands and run head-on into the future and pray to God that we end up okay.
After all- in the end it's all okay, if its not okay then its not the end.
After all- in the end it's all okay, if its not okay then its not the end.