September 19, 2007

Sep 20, 2007 14:32

i tried posting this yesterday... so i am posting it now!

......................................

its absolutely gorgeous out here. bucknell is a really pretty school... i can see why scotty likes its so much. i secretly wished that he hated it though...

my damn wisdom teeth need to come out....asap.

i was so incredibly happy to see scotty last night. it felt so good to see him, feel him, touch him and kiss him. i dont think i realize how much i need him. i need to start depending on myself and not him. cause i can start to see glimpses of him pulling away or something. i can truly understand now why he wants to be in an open relationship. i can just tell by the way he acts around his friends.... he is constantly doing something and i know why he wouldnt want to be tied down. ....but the question is.... does he really need to be in an open relationship though? or does he need that sort of "sexual" freedom. i honestly dont know what i would do if he told me that he slept with a girl. he told me that he would break up with me but get back together...because he "cant ever see himself without me".

i need to stop overanalyzing everything. it doesnt ever do me any good. its almost like i cant ever make myself happy. or im just not content with what i have in my life so i feel the need to think about everything so much that i find something wrong!

i need to change. i need to focus on being the best person i can be.... and that includes not depending on scotty to make me happy. i have to make myself happy. i need to learn that i CAN be happy.

you can be happy lisa!

i am really tired right now. he wouldnt let me sleep in after he got back from his first classss......grrrr.

i cant wait to see what the nightlife is like over here.
 
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