(no subject)
i thought about you
the other day my heart kind of raced and i thought
wouldn't it be nice to see you?
to remember what it's like to love someone so much that it's all you can think of
or smell
or taste.
but instead i reached out and you weren't there
(why was i surprised?)
and i kept asking why
and you just sat there shaking your head
"go on, go mentalist as usual" you told me
and it cut like a knife
so i said fuck it.
but it made me cry
more than i have in months
it made my eye make up run
and my cheeks all pink
and it left feeling used and reckless
"why do you do this to yourself?" someone asked
i just shook my head and said
"cause every once in a awhile i need to be near him
cos for that few minutes i can remember what it's like
to love
and be loved
and then i let it destroy me
and it hurts like nothing ever hurt before
and i fall to the ground
and stay there for a few days
hoping he might come and kiss my forehead
but then as i sit there
chainsmoking
i realise that i don't need him
to pick me up
dust me off
clean my skinned knees
i can do it my goddamn self
cos you are a selfish
immature
little boy
that will never leave that town
or that pitch
or that pub
or that pint"
(see, i feel better already)
all i really wanted to do was say goodbye
to you
to us
to all the hurt and pain
the jealousy
the passion
with the touch of a hand
and some lasting advice
my pain subsided
i got those words out of my head
he knows the ones
shouted down the phone late at night
the ones that make me wince still
the beginning of the end
i am letting go
(although i am quite jacked cos i let go a few months ago but you still creep up when i get weak)
and i am not angry any more
nor do i expect to see you
or listen to me.
so go on
baby,
do your thing
cos i got my own ride
and in the end
i didn't need to fall down
and bleed
and cry until i couldn't breathe
to realise
i really am ok.
in the end
he was there for me
just far away
where he belongs.
the other day my heart kind of raced and i thought
wouldn't it be nice to see you?
to remember what it's like to love someone so much that it's all you can think of
or smell
or taste.
but instead i reached out and you weren't there
(why was i surprised?)
and i kept asking why
and you just sat there shaking your head
"go on, go mentalist as usual" you told me
and it cut like a knife
so i said fuck it.
but it made me cry
more than i have in months
it made my eye make up run
and my cheeks all pink
and it left feeling used and reckless
"why do you do this to yourself?" someone asked
i just shook my head and said
"cause every once in a awhile i need to be near him
cos for that few minutes i can remember what it's like
to love
and be loved
and then i let it destroy me
and it hurts like nothing ever hurt before
and i fall to the ground
and stay there for a few days
hoping he might come and kiss my forehead
but then as i sit there
chainsmoking
i realise that i don't need him
to pick me up
dust me off
clean my skinned knees
i can do it my goddamn self
cos you are a selfish
immature
little boy
that will never leave that town
or that pitch
or that pub
or that pint"
(see, i feel better already)
all i really wanted to do was say goodbye
to you
to us
to all the hurt and pain
the jealousy
the passion
with the touch of a hand
and some lasting advice
my pain subsided
i got those words out of my head
he knows the ones
shouted down the phone late at night
the ones that make me wince still
the beginning of the end
i am letting go
(although i am quite jacked cos i let go a few months ago but you still creep up when i get weak)
and i am not angry any more
nor do i expect to see you
or listen to me.
so go on
baby,
do your thing
cos i got my own ride
and in the end
i didn't need to fall down
and bleed
and cry until i couldn't breathe
to realise
i really am ok.
in the end
he was there for me
just far away
where he belongs.