Dean/Cas fic: "Rebel"
Title: Rebel
Author: MissAnnThropic
Spoilers: Season 5-6ish. Dean/Cas
Summary: There are shades to wrong, and Dean always pushes the gray area into places every other human being on Earth might call black.
Disclaimer: None of it’s mine. I'm just a sad little fangirl that spends her days writing fanfic and watching DVDs of her favorite shows :(
Author’s Note: I’ve got a much longer fic headed your way, dear readers, but my techie person has been bogged down with a work project, and I am helpless without her. But I CAN do one-shots, so here’s a little something-somethin to tide you over :)
*****************************
Dean Winchester is one fucked up individual. Dean knows that better than anyone. He’s known that since he was four and watched his home burn with his mother in it. No one just bounces back after that shit, and any chance that he might have had was ruined when John decided to go on a revenge quest and drag his boys with him.
There are shades to wrong, and Dean always pushes the gray area into places every other human being on Earth might call black. Dean doesn’t agree, because he knows real darkness, and some drinking and carousing with willing young women… that’s not dark. Dark is torching corpses, black is decapitating vamps who were all human at one time, wrong is carving up souls in Hell and enjoying it. Taking what pleasures he can when he can… that’s comfortably gray.
But there’s another side to Dean, too. One that makes him a hell of a lot like Sam, even when most would say Dean and Sam are like night and day. Dean has a rebellious streak a mile wide. John Winchester never saw the business end of it, because Dean was a good little soldier for his dad. But law enforcement sees it. Anyone in a position to presume to judge him and his life gets the full brunt of it.
Dean lives to ruffle feathers, buck the system, defy the preconceptions of acceptable behavior.
It’s why credit card fraud means nothing to him. Why speed limits are for other people. Why he has a god damn right to carry whatever weapon he wants anywhere he damn well pleases. Why closing times don’t apply to him. Why no one has permission to lock him up. Society says he can’t, so Dean does. Just to give the Man the finger.
The only things Dean can’t have that he doesn’t have are things that Dean’s convinced himself he doesn’t want. Dean can’t have apple-pie normal, but fine, he doesn’t want that anyway.
But there’s a part of him that thinks that if someone told him he can’t have it, he’d go out and take it just because.
The forbidden is the only fruit Dean’s sure to grab for.
That’s so much of the reason why Dean yanks Castiel into his body and shoves off his clothes while defiling the angel’s mouth with his tongue. Why he pushes Castiel against the wall and snakes his hand down the front of his slacks to stroke his borrowed flesh. Why he falls into bed with a god damn angel of the lord and learns just what it means to know biblically. Why he takes.
Because every power in the universe says he can’t have Cas. So Dean takes him, just because he’s not allowed to have him.
Dean always feels filthy and fucking vile when he’s tangled and sweaty with Cas, because he knows a lot if it is about taking what he’s not supposed to have. He feels like shit in a way he never did before because Castiel always was and is so hopelessly bound up in whatever higher power it is that’s saying ‘no, Dean, this isn’t for you.’ Taking for the sake of rebellion, with Cas, feels like betraying Castiel in the process.
So it’s a snub to God when he debauches one of his angels, but there’s a lot of anger and self-hate in it, too, because Dean genuinely likes Cas. He doesn’t want to hurt Cas. And yet he does this to him. It’s sick.
Dean never was entirely sane.
It starts to eat at Dean, the sin he’s committing… not against God, but against Castiel. God can go to hell as far as Dean is concerned, but Castiel’s different. Cas doesn’t deserve what Dean is doing to him.
So Dean tries to stop.
Castiel surprises him. Dean hadn’t even realized the dynamic of their encounters had shifted until Castiel shows up, reaches for Dean first, and Dean doesn’t even find that out of the ordinary. Castiel has been the one to initiate sex just as often as Dean lately… odd how Dean never noticed that until now.
But Dean’s made up his mind to do the right thing for Cas, so he pulls away. It’s harder than he thought it would be… fucking awful, actually, but Dean does it for Cas.
Even after all they’ve been through, it still shocks Dean how scarily well Castiel knows him. Gets him. When Dean shies from the angel’s touch, Castiel just looks at him with that stare that cuts right through the bullshit into Dean’s soul. Cas moves closer, curls a hand around the back of Dean’s neck, and whispers, “You couldn’t take from me anything I didn’t want to give to you.”
A sound, almost like a cry of physical pain, escapes Dean’s lips and Castiel catches it with his mouth. Dean surrenders. He gives in and takes it all, everything he wants, everything that’s Castiel.
Because Dean’s rebelling, just not the way he thought he was.
The universe tells him he can’t have Castiel, his mouth and his hips and his skin.
But the universe also tells Dean he can’t love an angel.
So he does.
END