Twas the Night Before..
My BIG BIG assignment is due tomorrow!! I am still implimenting gameplay.. when I should only be doing tiny fixes. Seriously, KB helps the thought process work! I wrote 3 pages in scripting last night that I am sitting down and am going to do as soon as I'm done typing. What a fucking horrible time this is to have fallen in love! If only I had heard from Steven, then I would be so happy right now. It seems he's busy, or sick, or just not interested. Damn! I really thought he was the one. I don't have the heart to call him anymore. I left 1 message saying hey, it's Erin just calling to see if you were around... pause talk to ya later.
Fuck Fuck Fuck, man! I just wanted something sooo bad and all I hear is a laughing voice inside my head, laughing at me, saying that is something I can never have! This is so terrible to do to me right before everything is due. I could be glowing god dammit!
My fears manifest but are soon calmed by my intensity of realization that it doesn't really matter. The more it hurts the more I think about the reason why I came here.. because I wanted to start a new life. Leave all of the past behind. All of the people who hurt me, just shut them out and work harder to move past it.. I can't just leave it alone hugh. Just not think about Steven for like a day. It's not even important! Try to tell my feelings that. When I realized what happiness was and how it really feels, I didn't want to go back to the way I felt before that. All the weeks of depression and angst. Steven made it all go away.
Sweet smile, gentle touch, warm heart. I thought that's what I had,now it's only a memory. Unless he's sick, or just busy. I refuse to chase anyone because I hate when people do that to me. I always say a silent thanks to the guys who know better, and then I end up liking them more for that.
But, Steven already said he would come to my show of games. Should I bother to call and say hey, my show of games is friday, hope you can make it bye. or forget altogether which I can't. Or maybe he'll call before then.
I seriously want to fuck the shit out of him. But I wont unless we are going out. he is a boyfriend material. There are only 3 categories for me 1. boyfriend, 2. one night stand, 3. friend!
No fuck buddies or any of that shit. I can't keep it all straight, and run in too many social groups to be fucking around.
I'm going to finish my work today and it's going to kick mutherfuckinass!!!!
Oh yeah, for you gamers, play Burnout 3 it really really rocks! My favorite game right now besides Quake 1.
Fuck Fuck Fuck, man! I just wanted something sooo bad and all I hear is a laughing voice inside my head, laughing at me, saying that is something I can never have! This is so terrible to do to me right before everything is due. I could be glowing god dammit!
My fears manifest but are soon calmed by my intensity of realization that it doesn't really matter. The more it hurts the more I think about the reason why I came here.. because I wanted to start a new life. Leave all of the past behind. All of the people who hurt me, just shut them out and work harder to move past it.. I can't just leave it alone hugh. Just not think about Steven for like a day. It's not even important! Try to tell my feelings that. When I realized what happiness was and how it really feels, I didn't want to go back to the way I felt before that. All the weeks of depression and angst. Steven made it all go away.
Sweet smile, gentle touch, warm heart. I thought that's what I had,now it's only a memory. Unless he's sick, or just busy. I refuse to chase anyone because I hate when people do that to me. I always say a silent thanks to the guys who know better, and then I end up liking them more for that.
But, Steven already said he would come to my show of games. Should I bother to call and say hey, my show of games is friday, hope you can make it bye. or forget altogether which I can't. Or maybe he'll call before then.
I seriously want to fuck the shit out of him. But I wont unless we are going out. he is a boyfriend material. There are only 3 categories for me 1. boyfriend, 2. one night stand, 3. friend!
No fuck buddies or any of that shit. I can't keep it all straight, and run in too many social groups to be fucking around.
I'm going to finish my work today and it's going to kick mutherfuckinass!!!!
Oh yeah, for you gamers, play Burnout 3 it really really rocks! My favorite game right now besides Quake 1.