i told her. maybe i shouldn't have.
My mom called today. And I was really debating wether to mention to her about me taking my first shot of testosterone. Even tho the changes won't be noticeable to her for a while, I didn't want her to be surprised. Nor do I feel I should have to hide who I am from my family. I've never done that, I'm sure as hell not going to start now.
First of all, she won't call me Ray, or use my proper pronoun. This make me feel like she doesn't respect who I am, or even want to learn to respect it. She even calls me 'woman' and 'chicky'. I have expressed to her many times that this makes me uncomfortable.
Anyways, I started off the conversation with telling her, that I need to have a serious adult conversation. I am going thru a big change and all I ask if for her support. I tell her that I am going to email her a list of resources about it, as well as online support groups where she can talk to mothers going thru the same thing.
I finally tell her that I did my first shot of T this weekend. Her first question was, "Who gave the go ahead for that?'. I told her I have been going to a psychologist [which she already knew about], and that the appointment on Friday was with an endocrinologist. I tell her the kind of changes she will be noticing in my voice over the next six months or so. And I also let her know that I wanted to tell her because I didn't want her to wonder what was going on with me. At the end there was a pause, "Well, what do you want me to say?"
I told her I didn't expect her to say anything, but I just wanted her to know.
I also mention how the reason why we haven't talked alot since my visit was because I wasn't feeling any respect or support on her part. I didn't mention, however, how she treated me like complete shit on my last visit. Anyways, she proceeds to get angry, and says she wishes how we didn't have to talk about this every phone call. Of course, that gets me upset, because we haven't. And everytime I try to bring it up, I get shot down.
I told her that I cant do this, and I end the call.
I end up writing her an email. Basically saying that its crossing the line to dictate what I can talk to her about. Saying that I understand how difficult this is for her, but at the same time, I cannot help with her being uncomfortable about it. That's why I mentioned about the online resources I planned on sending. All that I am asking is for support and an open mind. I began to explain how by calling me by my birth name, and calling me 'she' makes me uncomfortable and emotional. I told her if she feels she cannot use 'they' as a pronoun, to use 'he' instead. I also said that I don't think we should have contact for a while. Saying that it would be a good idea to read some of the links I sent her, and get in contact with her local PFLAG chapter if she needs to talk to someone. When she is able to have a conversation with me without calling me by my birthname and respecting my pronoun usage, that she can call me.
Now keep in mind, I have told her all of this for months, without any change. This is why I've resorted to setting these boundaries.
I listed a bunch of websites for her to look at, including some medical documentation about testosterone.
I really want to talk to my dad, but I don't know how to go about it. I've been feeling a lot closer to him since I moved away, and he's always supported me.
Fuck. Talk about an emotionally draining day.
First of all, she won't call me Ray, or use my proper pronoun. This make me feel like she doesn't respect who I am, or even want to learn to respect it. She even calls me 'woman' and 'chicky'. I have expressed to her many times that this makes me uncomfortable.
Anyways, I started off the conversation with telling her, that I need to have a serious adult conversation. I am going thru a big change and all I ask if for her support. I tell her that I am going to email her a list of resources about it, as well as online support groups where she can talk to mothers going thru the same thing.
I finally tell her that I did my first shot of T this weekend. Her first question was, "Who gave the go ahead for that?'. I told her I have been going to a psychologist [which she already knew about], and that the appointment on Friday was with an endocrinologist. I tell her the kind of changes she will be noticing in my voice over the next six months or so. And I also let her know that I wanted to tell her because I didn't want her to wonder what was going on with me. At the end there was a pause, "Well, what do you want me to say?"
I told her I didn't expect her to say anything, but I just wanted her to know.
I also mention how the reason why we haven't talked alot since my visit was because I wasn't feeling any respect or support on her part. I didn't mention, however, how she treated me like complete shit on my last visit. Anyways, she proceeds to get angry, and says she wishes how we didn't have to talk about this every phone call. Of course, that gets me upset, because we haven't. And everytime I try to bring it up, I get shot down.
I told her that I cant do this, and I end the call.
I end up writing her an email. Basically saying that its crossing the line to dictate what I can talk to her about. Saying that I understand how difficult this is for her, but at the same time, I cannot help with her being uncomfortable about it. That's why I mentioned about the online resources I planned on sending. All that I am asking is for support and an open mind. I began to explain how by calling me by my birth name, and calling me 'she' makes me uncomfortable and emotional. I told her if she feels she cannot use 'they' as a pronoun, to use 'he' instead. I also said that I don't think we should have contact for a while. Saying that it would be a good idea to read some of the links I sent her, and get in contact with her local PFLAG chapter if she needs to talk to someone. When she is able to have a conversation with me without calling me by my birthname and respecting my pronoun usage, that she can call me.
Now keep in mind, I have told her all of this for months, without any change. This is why I've resorted to setting these boundaries.
I listed a bunch of websites for her to look at, including some medical documentation about testosterone.
I really want to talk to my dad, but I don't know how to go about it. I've been feeling a lot closer to him since I moved away, and he's always supported me.
Fuck. Talk about an emotionally draining day.