Hate feeling.
Last night was terrible.
Yesturday was just another one of those one in ten days where you just feel like complete crap in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally...Where everything is wrong...and you just want to scream...and cry and make it all go away ...but can't.
It was one of those days where you hate yourself so much you wish you werent even alive...where no one could help you but yourself, where everything gets worse as the day goes on. It was one of those days where you start to question things...and feel so hopeless.
and in times like this you begin to remember all the good times from before and hate where life has brought you, hate what you've become..and just want to cry because the way things were will never be the same...Because everyones changed. But yesurday, My thoughts ate me up, my assumptions,my trust ...my jealousy...Just like before. Before...That word fucken scares me. I fucking hate everything that happened in the past year...And I felt that way again tonight. I hate entries like this...But its been awhile.
I hate the way i acted...but i hated the way I felt like you coldnt care less.
I woke up and i couldnt bare my throat...that only got worse, By the end of the day my voice was supremely raspy and Ugh! Soo..We were suppposed to go watch Amity ville horror @ Amandas casa yesturday...So we went but for some reason it didnt want to play ..so we decided to watch CURSED I think it was...So it was Me..Terra..and John. It was`kewl..I got to hug`Terra throughout the whole movie [Woo!] I`felt a tad better then...OR i think I just tried to occupy my mind on other things to forget..Yeah thats it. I felt like crap right before I got there...and amanda hhas this sofa outsidee so i kinda just walked out and was laying there...looking up...It sucked hardcore...the feeling that is. So The movie ended like around Ten..and things got kind of frisky afterwards hah...Alot of dry humping and touching mostly on Terra lol <3 ...There was even a threesome hump haha...weird. Enough of that ...Sso then we were about to watch Amityville horror...But about thirty minutes in Amandas mom walks in and we all kinda have to go outside cause..I dont know >.< But I borrowed the disk and Me, Johnwatched it here at my house..In my room to be exact. I was fucking freaking out..and the fact that its based on a true story was like wtf...So about an hour in I was like fuck this so I told him I was gonna go sleepys instead...But I couldnt really....I dont know why...Things started bothering me again...I was scared...and sleep + that wasnt really a good combination...So I just layed there thinking...starring at the ceiling and feeling like shit...So I decided I iwas going to call Adrian..But that didnt go so well, If anything I felt worse after ...I dont know. I hope today is far from the same.
< / 3 Erita.
Yesturday was just another one of those one in ten days where you just feel like complete crap in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally...Where everything is wrong...and you just want to scream...and cry and make it all go away ...but can't.
It was one of those days where you hate yourself so much you wish you werent even alive...where no one could help you but yourself, where everything gets worse as the day goes on. It was one of those days where you start to question things...and feel so hopeless.
and in times like this you begin to remember all the good times from before and hate where life has brought you, hate what you've become..and just want to cry because the way things were will never be the same...Because everyones changed. But yesurday, My thoughts ate me up, my assumptions,my trust ...my jealousy...Just like before. Before...That word fucken scares me. I fucking hate everything that happened in the past year...And I felt that way again tonight. I hate entries like this...But its been awhile.
I hate the way i acted...but i hated the way I felt like you coldnt care less.
I woke up and i couldnt bare my throat...that only got worse, By the end of the day my voice was supremely raspy and Ugh! Soo..We were suppposed to go watch Amity ville horror @ Amandas casa yesturday...So we went but for some reason it didnt want to play ..so we decided to watch CURSED I think it was...So it was Me..Terra..and John. It was`kewl..I got to hug`Terra throughout the whole movie [Woo!] I`felt a tad better then...OR i think I just tried to occupy my mind on other things to forget..Yeah thats it. I felt like crap right before I got there...and amanda hhas this sofa outsidee so i kinda just walked out and was laying there...looking up...It sucked hardcore...the feeling that is. So The movie ended like around Ten..and things got kind of frisky afterwards hah...Alot of dry humping and touching mostly on Terra lol <3 ...There was even a threesome hump haha...weird. Enough of that ...Sso then we were about to watch Amityville horror...But about thirty minutes in Amandas mom walks in and we all kinda have to go outside cause..I dont know >.< But I borrowed the disk and Me, Johnwatched it here at my house..In my room to be exact. I was fucking freaking out..and the fact that its based on a true story was like wtf...So about an hour in I was like fuck this so I told him I was gonna go sleepys instead...But I couldnt really....I dont know why...Things started bothering me again...I was scared...and sleep + that wasnt really a good combination...So I just layed there thinking...starring at the ceiling and feeling like shit...So I decided I iwas going to call Adrian..But that didnt go so well, If anything I felt worse after ...I dont know. I hope today is far from the same.
< / 3 Erita.