(no subject)
I feel like a better mood today. I don't feel depressed. I actually had a great morning. I went outside and got some sun. I called Millie today and asked her if I knew anyone I could talk to. She said that she would work on it since I can't see her anymore. (my insurance doesn't cover) So that was a good thing. She asked me if I was ok and I told her the thoughts I was having and stuff. She basically told me that it is normal for a person like me to feel that way that I wasn't a nut case or should be locked up. (I told her that I felt like I should be) She said that a lot of stuff has happened and even though I am trying to be strong deep inside that I am breaking. She said that it will take time. If I have thoughts of hurting myself that I am supose to ask myself 3 questions.. Why do I want to, Will it really prove anything, and How will the others around me would feel if something happened. She said to concentrate more on 1 and 2 because they are more important. She said that if I don't want to open up and talk about the situation to others it is ok. That I should just do creative writting. That it is more important than ever to keep a paper journal. She said that she really don't think I should put those things in LJ but if I need advice or feel like I want to open up I can put some in there but not everything.
About the panic attacks she said not to give in but to fight. I have to keep them in control and not them in control of me. I told her that I do that and that is true on some cases. She is telling me I still have to force myself to go out with people. Like she said to make sure I do something this weekend. I told her that I did have plans but I don't think I am going to do them. She told me to make new plans then. Do something. She said taht she is afraid thatI won't want to go anywhere and it could happen. I mean it almost did happen before. So I guess it could happen again.
She said to focus on life and not so much on the computer but like with family. I told her I don't know if that is possible since it seems like since dad passed away my sisters don't spend that much time here. She said well see if you can and if not then it is not my fault. I told her that I knew that.
Ao in the long run I am going to be ok. I think we all knew that. Makes me happy. But my neighbor is driving me INSANE. She keeps calling. GRRRRRRRRRRR
About the panic attacks she said not to give in but to fight. I have to keep them in control and not them in control of me. I told her that I do that and that is true on some cases. She is telling me I still have to force myself to go out with people. Like she said to make sure I do something this weekend. I told her that I did have plans but I don't think I am going to do them. She told me to make new plans then. Do something. She said taht she is afraid thatI won't want to go anywhere and it could happen. I mean it almost did happen before. So I guess it could happen again.
She said to focus on life and not so much on the computer but like with family. I told her I don't know if that is possible since it seems like since dad passed away my sisters don't spend that much time here. She said well see if you can and if not then it is not my fault. I told her that I knew that.
Ao in the long run I am going to be ok. I think we all knew that. Makes me happy. But my neighbor is driving me INSANE. She keeps calling. GRRRRRRRRRRR