Not a good week

[miserable_demon]

Ok incase everyone didn't already know, I've had a really weird like month. lol But just recently Alex and I broke up again (my fault of course) and I've been going back and forth between Barbara and Alex. Many of you would look at that situation and go umm..obvious decision right? Well I do love Alex and I love every moment I'm with her and everything about her but then there's Barbara. I like her too but not the same way I like Alex but is that because I've been with Alex for longer? hmmm...this is what my head has been doing. This weekend is going to determine ALOT like ALOT ALOT lol I was with Alex last night for like an hour sitting in my car crying..doesn't seem like we should be apart huh? And then tonight I went over there and we sat and talked and it was awesome cause it was like just us. Noone there to hide from and I feel like thats what I have to do with Barbara. I don't like being very open about my relationships like infront of the world. And we all know that shit spreads like a wildfire in band. EVERYONE has a mouth on them. So my question is what do I do...? I really miss Alex but is it fair to keep doing this. Maybe I'm not good enough for her anymore. I don't know whats going on anymore. I just feel like crying all the time and I don't thats normal for someone who broke up with the other person out of the blue to be feeling does anyone know what I mean? It sounds like I already know my choice lol but I want to make sure that if I beg for Alex back that I have no feelings for Barbara and I do so...WHAT DO I DO!?

I know I barely write in my journal and when I do its all me bitching lol and asking for help. But I figure thats what its for. Well if anyone can help me please reply,e-mail, or IM me

Love you guys,
Chels