WE ARE ALL LYING HERE: Sexism
From a note I jotted on a post-it that's been floating around in my purse:
Working with men--how much is sexism, how much is my passivity? Is my passivity due to systemic sexism?
There was a large portion of my life where I would have said I've never been discriminated against due to being a woman. I somehow managed to escape it. And in one sense, maybe that's true--I escaped it because for large portions of my life, I didn't leave my parents' house, my dorm room, the bathroom; I didn't interact with the world. But even then, who did I listen to? Who did I read? Didn't I write, "All my heroes are men"? And didn't I mean it?
As I started venturing out, I started seeing it more. Trying to set up shows for my band, I'd reach out to venue owners, messaging and messaging, getting no response. The minute one of my band-mates reached out (to same person), instant response. I give directions, get ignored, we get lost, we back-track and go the way I originally said (but this time not at my suggestion). Whenever I speak, I get ignored. I interact with guys in the same manner they interact with me, but then I'm crazy and they're not. I get told I need to stand up to other women, but submit to them (men).
But the thing that really bothers me is this idea that men's ideas are valid, important, right, whereas women's ideas are frivolous, shallow, empty. If a man writes about his emotions, he's so vulnerable and it's so noble and respectable and way to go! If a woman does the same, she's so self-absorbed and Jesus, stop thinking about yourself for a moment, stop bitching, stop crying.
I dance around posting here, and have skipped so many days because I sit here telling myself, Who cares? This doesn't matter. This is just my bitching and whining.
The novel I'm writing--I'm ashamed to let anyone read it because it's "just about a girl." I'm not pandering as Claire Vaye Watkins would say. My novel is about a girl who falls in love. That's what my novel is about and because of that, I don't want to let anyone read it, even though my friend just wrote (and let me read) his novel about a guy falling in love.
What are they really saying here, with this? That it's so unusual for a man to feel anything other than rage? So they're admitting the majority of men are angry dicks? Hey, they said it, not me (though I'll also say: I agree).
From here I could branch off two ways. The first, whip myself up into passionately imploring women to write ourselves, our stories, our loves a la Kate Zambreno, or I could call myself out on my own sexism and misandry because, yeah, a part of me hates Men (where capital-M Men are the patriarchal notion of men, so #notallmenbutmostmen or whatever).
Working with men--how much is sexism, how much is my passivity? Is my passivity due to systemic sexism?
There was a large portion of my life where I would have said I've never been discriminated against due to being a woman. I somehow managed to escape it. And in one sense, maybe that's true--I escaped it because for large portions of my life, I didn't leave my parents' house, my dorm room, the bathroom; I didn't interact with the world. But even then, who did I listen to? Who did I read? Didn't I write, "All my heroes are men"? And didn't I mean it?
As I started venturing out, I started seeing it more. Trying to set up shows for my band, I'd reach out to venue owners, messaging and messaging, getting no response. The minute one of my band-mates reached out (to same person), instant response. I give directions, get ignored, we get lost, we back-track and go the way I originally said (but this time not at my suggestion). Whenever I speak, I get ignored. I interact with guys in the same manner they interact with me, but then I'm crazy and they're not. I get told I need to stand up to other women, but submit to them (men).
But the thing that really bothers me is this idea that men's ideas are valid, important, right, whereas women's ideas are frivolous, shallow, empty. If a man writes about his emotions, he's so vulnerable and it's so noble and respectable and way to go! If a woman does the same, she's so self-absorbed and Jesus, stop thinking about yourself for a moment, stop bitching, stop crying.
I dance around posting here, and have skipped so many days because I sit here telling myself, Who cares? This doesn't matter. This is just my bitching and whining.
The novel I'm writing--I'm ashamed to let anyone read it because it's "just about a girl." I'm not pandering as Claire Vaye Watkins would say. My novel is about a girl who falls in love. That's what my novel is about and because of that, I don't want to let anyone read it, even though my friend just wrote (and let me read) his novel about a guy falling in love.
What are they really saying here, with this? That it's so unusual for a man to feel anything other than rage? So they're admitting the majority of men are angry dicks? Hey, they said it, not me (though I'll also say: I agree).
From here I could branch off two ways. The first, whip myself up into passionately imploring women to write ourselves, our stories, our loves a la Kate Zambreno, or I could call myself out on my own sexism and misandry because, yeah, a part of me hates Men (where capital-M Men are the patriarchal notion of men, so #notallmenbutmostmen or whatever).