Eating Peeps
It's that time of year again, where the chocolate bunny population is again allowed to copulate, the bean farms are smeared in jelly, and from the bowels of the darkest regions of demon-infested pandimensions, the peep once again emerges. These vile, yellow beasts spring forth during the Spring Equinox every year in an attempt to fulfill their dastardly evil plans of world domination. Luckily for us, what passes as large masses of flesh and blood in their black pit of a dimension, transfers to 3 inch, sugar coated, marshmellowy goodness in ours. Let the peep consumption begin.
Some people feel the best way to eat peeps is the...
... Humane way: bite off their head first so they won't feel anything after the initial chomp.
... Sadistic way: start with the tail or feet first, so they feel every excruciating bite until nothing is left.
... Sarlac way: just stuff the entire damn thing in your mouth and swallow, as the peep is slowly digested over a 1000 years
... My way: expose the peep to high amounts of microwaves, forcing a sudden growth in the peep's size right before its Peepoxyribonucleic acid (or PNA) breaks down under the the extreme radiation. This leaves the peep hideously deformed for the rest of its life (all 5 secs of it), as I slurp its remains up with a straw.
For more on these twisted, edible, freaks of nature: visit Peep Research
Some people feel the best way to eat peeps is the...
... Humane way: bite off their head first so they won't feel anything after the initial chomp.
... Sadistic way: start with the tail or feet first, so they feel every excruciating bite until nothing is left.
... Sarlac way: just stuff the entire damn thing in your mouth and swallow, as the peep is slowly digested over a 1000 years
... My way: expose the peep to high amounts of microwaves, forcing a sudden growth in the peep's size right before its Peepoxyribonucleic acid (or PNA) breaks down under the the extreme radiation. This leaves the peep hideously deformed for the rest of its life (all 5 secs of it), as I slurp its remains up with a straw.
For more on these twisted, edible, freaks of nature: visit Peep Research