Picture Daze- A Skit: Part Two
Dear Journal,
Here's part two to the rather lame skit I've been writing. I really hope none of you on my F-list that actually read this expect much from it. lol
Picture Daze- A Skit: Part Two
Me: Oh my god! N-Norman?
Masculine Voice/Norman Photo: *smirks* Live and in living color… *looks down at self* Well, not so much the color.
Me: Can’t be helped. My printer only had black and white cartridges. *reaches out to touch the picture*
Norman: whoa! You’ll smudge me! *backs away* I happen to have great pride in my appearance, unlike SOMEONE.
Me: Hey! I happen to have great taste.
Norman: *looks pointedly at my ratty Bruce Lee t-shirt and blue jeans* Oh yeah?
Me: Wow, you’re a dick. I didn’t realize you cared so much about fashion!
Norman: Nah, it’s just the picture I happen to feel like occupying today. Maybe tomorrow I’ll move into my Artist! Norman photo or the Rebel! Norman one… I kind of like the fort that comes with Rebel! Norman.
Me: *is impressed* You can switch from picture to picture?
Norman: *goes back to smoking and brushing invisible lint off of his coat* That’s what I said, isn’t it?
Me: Does being a total catty bitch come with the territory or is that your natural personality?
Norman: Comes with the picture. *flicks ash from cigarette and almost starts a fire*
(As Norman goes about frantically patting out the smoldering edges of the paper, my roommate returns from her restroom visit. I impatiently wait for her to finish washing her hands before accosting her with my proof.)
Roommate: Did you know that our bathroom roommates CONVENIENTLY forgot to stack toilet paper again. I had to make due with paper towels. *she sighs in disgust and starts for her side of the room*
Me: Wait! Wait! I’ve got proof!!
Roommate: It’s not that hard to prove they shit way too much for society.
Me: No, not about that. Although, that is odd that they remember the paper towels but not the toilet paper.
Roommate: Isn’t it? I had to-
Me: *cutting her off* No, seriously! I’ve got proof that I’m not schizophrenic!!
Roommate: Schiz- whoa, who said you were Schizophrenic?
Me: You did! But that’s not the point! I wasn’t hearing voices. Look! *points over to my Norman pictures*
Roommate: *walks over and stands there for a moment, not impressed* Great, Destiny. It’s Norman Reedus. I don’t know why scientists didn’t decide to make him the answer for every problem in the universe. *uses mock British voice* Excuse me, Watson? I do believe the answer to world hunger is… Norman Reedus. *deepens voice* And the answer to Global Pandemics? *switches to British voice* Norman Reedus again, sir.
Norman: You could market me. For every miracle I perform, I want half of the profits. *dusts self off and puts cigarette pack away*
Roommate: *eyes widen as she watches Model! Norman move about* Hot damn.
Me: *is pleased* Told you! I’m not fucking delusional. And! He can switch from picture to picture depending on his mood!
Roommate: Why is he stuck in those pictures?
Me: I have no idea. I didn’t really ask-
Norman: *looking disgusted* Excuse me? I’m still here. Direct all questions, comments, and concerns at yours truly.
Me: Why are you stuck in the picture?
Roommate: If he’s speaking, I can’t hear him.
Norman: Only you can hear me, Destiny.
Me: Okay, question number two: Why can only I hear you?
Norman: Answer to numero uno: It’s a fragment of my soul that got stolen with every flash of the camera. Do you know that old superstition that says a person’s soul can get trapped on film?
Me: Well, now I do!
Roommate: What’s he saying?
Me: I’ll tell you in a second! *turns to Norman* Okay, assuming I DO know that superstition, you’re telling me that you’re a soul trapped in those pictures?
Norman: Pretty much, yeah. *looks miserable*
Me: If that were true, how come you seem to be the only soul that causes its pictures to move and talk?
Norman: I made a bargain with some old lady in order to get a certain something, so now
I’m here.
Me: *rolls eyes* you’re really going to be secretive about it?
Norman: It’s not really your concern, is it? *sulks and starts to walk off the edge of the picture*
Me: *holds up hand* Whoa, wait. Okay, okay, Catty. I’ll respect your wishes. Can you answer my other question? You know, the one about me being the only one able to hear you?
Norman: Fine.
Me: *waits*
Roommate: *starts fidgeting*
Me: *waits*
Norman: ….. *starts rolling another cigarette, despite the near catastrophe that almost happened before*
Me: …..
Roommate: Well??
Me: Yeah, what she said!
Norman: you asked me if I COULD ask you, not if I WOULD. *licks cigarette and seals it, bringing it to his lips.*
(As Norman fumbles in his coat pockets for a lighter, I resist the urge to find a pair of scissors. My roommate is rapidly getting bored with her inactivity in my skit so she grabs her book from across the room and begins reading. Sorry roomie. )
Me: You’re going to start another fire!
Norman: *freezes*
Me: And would you PLEASE answer my question?
Norman: *sighs and looks depressed* Whatever. You’re the only one who can hear me because, number one, you’re the only fanatic of mine in the room and, number two, you’re the only fanatic of mine that happened to print out the accursed pictures. My soul was sealed into one specific copy of that picture and posted on the web. Once that picture was officially printed for the first time, my soul would be trapped in that one picture.
Me: So, if it’s trapped in that one picture, how can you photo hop?
Norman: I made sure to get awesome travel rates.
Me: *nods as if I understand* Alright, gotcha, gotcha. What if another fan of yours comes into my room? Can they hear you?
Norman: *preens a little* I’ve got more fans? Are they hot?
Me: Um, I’m the only fan of yours that I can think of… What? I’m not hot enough?!
Norman: You’re not high-class enough.
Me: Get penned, ink bitch. *is trying to think of a creative version of the word “bent”*
Norman: tu madre
Me: That’s what your dad said last night.
Norman: My dad is dead.
Me: ……
Norman: ……..
Me: Sorry, man.
Norman: I really need a cig.
Roommate: So, what did he say?
TBC on Monday
BTW, in case any of you were wondering, the Model! Norman picture I'm referring to is this one:
Here's part two to the rather lame skit I've been writing. I really hope none of you on my F-list that actually read this expect much from it. lol
Picture Daze- A Skit: Part Two
Me: Oh my god! N-Norman?
Masculine Voice/Norman Photo: *smirks* Live and in living color… *looks down at self* Well, not so much the color.
Me: Can’t be helped. My printer only had black and white cartridges. *reaches out to touch the picture*
Norman: whoa! You’ll smudge me! *backs away* I happen to have great pride in my appearance, unlike SOMEONE.
Me: Hey! I happen to have great taste.
Norman: *looks pointedly at my ratty Bruce Lee t-shirt and blue jeans* Oh yeah?
Me: Wow, you’re a dick. I didn’t realize you cared so much about fashion!
Norman: Nah, it’s just the picture I happen to feel like occupying today. Maybe tomorrow I’ll move into my Artist! Norman photo or the Rebel! Norman one… I kind of like the fort that comes with Rebel! Norman.
Me: *is impressed* You can switch from picture to picture?
Norman: *goes back to smoking and brushing invisible lint off of his coat* That’s what I said, isn’t it?
Me: Does being a total catty bitch come with the territory or is that your natural personality?
Norman: Comes with the picture. *flicks ash from cigarette and almost starts a fire*
(As Norman goes about frantically patting out the smoldering edges of the paper, my roommate returns from her restroom visit. I impatiently wait for her to finish washing her hands before accosting her with my proof.)
Roommate: Did you know that our bathroom roommates CONVENIENTLY forgot to stack toilet paper again. I had to make due with paper towels. *she sighs in disgust and starts for her side of the room*
Me: Wait! Wait! I’ve got proof!!
Roommate: It’s not that hard to prove they shit way too much for society.
Me: No, not about that. Although, that is odd that they remember the paper towels but not the toilet paper.
Roommate: Isn’t it? I had to-
Me: *cutting her off* No, seriously! I’ve got proof that I’m not schizophrenic!!
Roommate: Schiz- whoa, who said you were Schizophrenic?
Me: You did! But that’s not the point! I wasn’t hearing voices. Look! *points over to my Norman pictures*
Roommate: *walks over and stands there for a moment, not impressed* Great, Destiny. It’s Norman Reedus. I don’t know why scientists didn’t decide to make him the answer for every problem in the universe. *uses mock British voice* Excuse me, Watson? I do believe the answer to world hunger is… Norman Reedus. *deepens voice* And the answer to Global Pandemics? *switches to British voice* Norman Reedus again, sir.
Norman: You could market me. For every miracle I perform, I want half of the profits. *dusts self off and puts cigarette pack away*
Roommate: *eyes widen as she watches Model! Norman move about* Hot damn.
Me: *is pleased* Told you! I’m not fucking delusional. And! He can switch from picture to picture depending on his mood!
Roommate: Why is he stuck in those pictures?
Me: I have no idea. I didn’t really ask-
Norman: *looking disgusted* Excuse me? I’m still here. Direct all questions, comments, and concerns at yours truly.
Me: Why are you stuck in the picture?
Roommate: If he’s speaking, I can’t hear him.
Norman: Only you can hear me, Destiny.
Me: Okay, question number two: Why can only I hear you?
Norman: Answer to numero uno: It’s a fragment of my soul that got stolen with every flash of the camera. Do you know that old superstition that says a person’s soul can get trapped on film?
Me: Well, now I do!
Roommate: What’s he saying?
Me: I’ll tell you in a second! *turns to Norman* Okay, assuming I DO know that superstition, you’re telling me that you’re a soul trapped in those pictures?
Norman: Pretty much, yeah. *looks miserable*
Me: If that were true, how come you seem to be the only soul that causes its pictures to move and talk?
Norman: I made a bargain with some old lady in order to get a certain something, so now
I’m here.
Me: *rolls eyes* you’re really going to be secretive about it?
Norman: It’s not really your concern, is it? *sulks and starts to walk off the edge of the picture*
Me: *holds up hand* Whoa, wait. Okay, okay, Catty. I’ll respect your wishes. Can you answer my other question? You know, the one about me being the only one able to hear you?
Norman: Fine.
Me: *waits*
Roommate: *starts fidgeting*
Me: *waits*
Norman: ….. *starts rolling another cigarette, despite the near catastrophe that almost happened before*
Me: …..
Roommate: Well??
Me: Yeah, what she said!
Norman: you asked me if I COULD ask you, not if I WOULD. *licks cigarette and seals it, bringing it to his lips.*
(As Norman fumbles in his coat pockets for a lighter, I resist the urge to find a pair of scissors. My roommate is rapidly getting bored with her inactivity in my skit so she grabs her book from across the room and begins reading. Sorry roomie. )
Me: You’re going to start another fire!
Norman: *freezes*
Me: And would you PLEASE answer my question?
Norman: *sighs and looks depressed* Whatever. You’re the only one who can hear me because, number one, you’re the only fanatic of mine in the room and, number two, you’re the only fanatic of mine that happened to print out the accursed pictures. My soul was sealed into one specific copy of that picture and posted on the web. Once that picture was officially printed for the first time, my soul would be trapped in that one picture.
Me: So, if it’s trapped in that one picture, how can you photo hop?
Norman: I made sure to get awesome travel rates.
Me: *nods as if I understand* Alright, gotcha, gotcha. What if another fan of yours comes into my room? Can they hear you?
Norman: *preens a little* I’ve got more fans? Are they hot?
Me: Um, I’m the only fan of yours that I can think of… What? I’m not hot enough?!
Norman: You’re not high-class enough.
Me: Get penned, ink bitch. *is trying to think of a creative version of the word “bent”*
Norman: tu madre
Me: That’s what your dad said last night.
Norman: My dad is dead.
Me: ……
Norman: ……..
Me: Sorry, man.
Norman: I really need a cig.
Roommate: So, what did he say?
TBC on Monday
BTW, in case any of you were wondering, the Model! Norman picture I'm referring to is this one: