Bad News
So... I didn't get called to an interview at Konstfack. Other people did already, so since I didn't get the email now I don't think I will at all.
This almost certainly means that I did not get accepted. I was prepared for this of course. So many people apply for this school. But still, it is very disappointing - considering how much time and effort I spent on my application. Considering how badly I wanted to go there. So I'm feeling a bit disappointed and depressed right now.
I don't know if I will try next year. It seems to difficult to get accepted. Maybe I just don't have "that style" that they seem to be looking for in the applications. And, it's three years of education at least, I would be 28 when I graduate. Or maybe I will try. But I think I would also look into colleges abroad actually. I did find some in England, but when I did the application due-date was already passed.
Ummm... right. So, my current situation is... what? I don't know what I will do for the next year. I would love to make a portfolio and try to get jobs. Just any published illustration job would do. So that I can start building a strong portfolio. It is just so hard to get jobs like that here in Sweden without any formal education to back you up. But I will try! I will also try freelancing jobs abroad.
I need to draw more. Or well, produce more. I also need to get faster at drawing and painting. I am just too slow right now. I have to step my game up. Being an illustrator is a dream I don't want to give up - no matter what!
So with no college to go to, and no income my dream of having my own place to live by the end of the summer sort of came crashing down. I don't want to live in my parents' house anymore... Don't get me wrong, I love my family. But I just want my own space. I want to be able to do things wenever I want to, and not because someone tells me I "have to do the dishes right now". I don't mind cleaning, I don't mind helping out at home. I just would love to do that when I myself decide to do it. I want to bring people home to my own place, whenever I want. Be able to use all the rooms when friends come over, and talk loudly without being afraid of waking anyone up.
Living with my parents make me feel like I am still a child. When I really need to feel like I am an adult. It's just how they treat me sometimes, I guess it can't be helped. To them I will always be their little girl. I think moving out would be good for all of us, we would get a better relationship I think.
Plus, my brother gets me on the nerves all the time. Also things like how little pressure they put on him compared to me. They expect me to help out at home all the time without complaining and he just doesn't get that from them. At least not as much as me. And he still tries to do as little as possible when he does help out. I actually broke down and shouted and cried (which is pretty damn rare for me) last week because he was so horrid to me - and he doesn't even realize himself that he acts like that. Ugh, I just wish he would realize that he needs to be a bit more responsible.
I also have troubles with myself and the image I have of myself. Right now I hate myself every other day, and is fine with myself the rest of the time. I guess I just don't feel attractive since I have been single for so long. It feels as no matter if I change myself, get healthier, look prettier, still noone would want me because I am such a loser, or I am annoying, or my personality sucks or something. I know it's probably not like that. But I can't help to think like that sometimes.
Everything is just... blah right now.
Sorry I'm such an emo kid, guys. :/
This almost certainly means that I did not get accepted. I was prepared for this of course. So many people apply for this school. But still, it is very disappointing - considering how much time and effort I spent on my application. Considering how badly I wanted to go there. So I'm feeling a bit disappointed and depressed right now.
I don't know if I will try next year. It seems to difficult to get accepted. Maybe I just don't have "that style" that they seem to be looking for in the applications. And, it's three years of education at least, I would be 28 when I graduate. Or maybe I will try. But I think I would also look into colleges abroad actually. I did find some in England, but when I did the application due-date was already passed.
Ummm... right. So, my current situation is... what? I don't know what I will do for the next year. I would love to make a portfolio and try to get jobs. Just any published illustration job would do. So that I can start building a strong portfolio. It is just so hard to get jobs like that here in Sweden without any formal education to back you up. But I will try! I will also try freelancing jobs abroad.
I need to draw more. Or well, produce more. I also need to get faster at drawing and painting. I am just too slow right now. I have to step my game up. Being an illustrator is a dream I don't want to give up - no matter what!
So with no college to go to, and no income my dream of having my own place to live by the end of the summer sort of came crashing down. I don't want to live in my parents' house anymore... Don't get me wrong, I love my family. But I just want my own space. I want to be able to do things wenever I want to, and not because someone tells me I "have to do the dishes right now". I don't mind cleaning, I don't mind helping out at home. I just would love to do that when I myself decide to do it. I want to bring people home to my own place, whenever I want. Be able to use all the rooms when friends come over, and talk loudly without being afraid of waking anyone up.
Living with my parents make me feel like I am still a child. When I really need to feel like I am an adult. It's just how they treat me sometimes, I guess it can't be helped. To them I will always be their little girl. I think moving out would be good for all of us, we would get a better relationship I think.
Plus, my brother gets me on the nerves all the time. Also things like how little pressure they put on him compared to me. They expect me to help out at home all the time without complaining and he just doesn't get that from them. At least not as much as me. And he still tries to do as little as possible when he does help out. I actually broke down and shouted and cried (which is pretty damn rare for me) last week because he was so horrid to me - and he doesn't even realize himself that he acts like that. Ugh, I just wish he would realize that he needs to be a bit more responsible.
I also have troubles with myself and the image I have of myself. Right now I hate myself every other day, and is fine with myself the rest of the time. I guess I just don't feel attractive since I have been single for so long. It feels as no matter if I change myself, get healthier, look prettier, still noone would want me because I am such a loser, or I am annoying, or my personality sucks or something. I know it's probably not like that. But I can't help to think like that sometimes.
Everything is just... blah right now.
Sorry I'm such an emo kid, guys. :/