Missing God, Part 1
Sometime in the past few years, I've decided that I am not a Christian. I want to write about that slow realization, but it's too much, and too painful. I think I can approach it in pieces, though; I hope, I hope that this can start a healing process. I'm trying to express a really profound sense of loss, not engage in a discussion or debate over whether or how I can return to the church. I'm aware this is a sensitive subject for some of you; if the tone of the comments gets inflammatory or insensitive, I'll stop posting these thoughts so publicly.
I miss ascribing higher meaning to fleeting thoughts and everyday events. Before, it was sometimes easy to tell which were part of God's plan and which were devilish distractions, and that assuredness helped cut through choppy waters in a meaningful path. Now I look back and sigh and smile at the efficacy of the Rorschach test, and wish I could recreate such a useful tool.
I miss ascribing higher meaning to fleeting thoughts and everyday events. Before, it was sometimes easy to tell which were part of God's plan and which were devilish distractions, and that assuredness helped cut through choppy waters in a meaningful path. Now I look back and sigh and smile at the efficacy of the Rorschach test, and wish I could recreate such a useful tool.