On race and romance
Apparently, when I don't indulge in the 'soylent green' for extended period of time, my (already crazy) spider-senses go on overload and when I sit back to reflect on things, I'm seeing a much bigger picture.
Still with me? I'm not sure if I am.
Towards the end of last week (when commuting to Hamilton was starting to drive me crazy) I started reflecting on a variety of...... romantic entanglements. Sure, let's use that term. Generally, I don't date, but I had never thought about *why* I don't date. Sure, I can't be with someone unless I'm into them, but that's just common sense (right?). Then I started thinking about how (with one exception) I'm constantly being cheated on or, as I look at it, passed on for something new. I realized something. I'm generally (with one, different, exception) passed over for girls who are younger, whiter, and dumber than me.
I'm not entirely sure what that says about me (leave out any jokes about my raging arrogance) but I *can't* get any younger or whiter. And I'm bloody well not going to get any dumber.
Then there are the cases where I do the dumping. Those often relate to the other party treating me as a novelty. People fixating on the fact that I sell pornography at work. People fixating on my novel skin colour or the fact that I'm pretty. People (generally artistic types in this case) thinking I can save them from some great peril or inspire them into greatness.
I'm only human.
This summer in particular, I have been noticing the skin colour thing. It's never something I think about, since it's my skin, and I'm used to it. For some reason, it's been fixated upon by too many people this summer, and I'm suddenly aware of it. I still don't see anything other than myself when I look in the mirror, but I've been trying to see myself from a "coloured" perspective. I'm just not sure how. Of course, the fact that I can't makes me particularly volatile towards all the little cracks about my colouring, whether it's being mentioned as a good thing or a bad thing.
In the end, I'm going to keep smoking green so long as it dulls my senses enough to function as a normal human being. Do I need to know *why* someone is going to dump me (or why I'm going to dump them) as soon as I meet them? Probably not. Will I ever start dating? Probably not. What can I say? I've got stuff to do. I mean, I *am* trying to move this week.
Still with me? I'm not sure if I am.
Towards the end of last week (when commuting to Hamilton was starting to drive me crazy) I started reflecting on a variety of...... romantic entanglements. Sure, let's use that term. Generally, I don't date, but I had never thought about *why* I don't date. Sure, I can't be with someone unless I'm into them, but that's just common sense (right?). Then I started thinking about how (with one exception) I'm constantly being cheated on or, as I look at it, passed on for something new. I realized something. I'm generally (with one, different, exception) passed over for girls who are younger, whiter, and dumber than me.
I'm not entirely sure what that says about me (leave out any jokes about my raging arrogance) but I *can't* get any younger or whiter. And I'm bloody well not going to get any dumber.
Then there are the cases where I do the dumping. Those often relate to the other party treating me as a novelty. People fixating on the fact that I sell pornography at work. People fixating on my novel skin colour or the fact that I'm pretty. People (generally artistic types in this case) thinking I can save them from some great peril or inspire them into greatness.
I'm only human.
This summer in particular, I have been noticing the skin colour thing. It's never something I think about, since it's my skin, and I'm used to it. For some reason, it's been fixated upon by too many people this summer, and I'm suddenly aware of it. I still don't see anything other than myself when I look in the mirror, but I've been trying to see myself from a "coloured" perspective. I'm just not sure how. Of course, the fact that I can't makes me particularly volatile towards all the little cracks about my colouring, whether it's being mentioned as a good thing or a bad thing.
In the end, I'm going to keep smoking green so long as it dulls my senses enough to function as a normal human being. Do I need to know *why* someone is going to dump me (or why I'm going to dump them) as soon as I meet them? Probably not. Will I ever start dating? Probably not. What can I say? I've got stuff to do. I mean, I *am* trying to move this week.