this feels like a turpentine enema.
tonight has been lonely.
there was a party at bakers house, and for obvious reasons, i couldn't go. i spent the night painting. i set up a still life and used reds and greens. lots of layering. lots of reductive painting. i'm working towards my potential, as gideon says. no one was here when i got home an hour ago(i assume everyone was there) and it's after 2, and i can still hear the music in the quad. it sounds like a heartbeat...the bass is so loud. a thumping reminder. i just want to go to sleep and pretend tonight never happened. it's all just a reminder of how displaced i can feel here. it's funny how for the past few weeks, i have just wanted to be left alone by everything in my life that is hectic, and now that i have been for the past few days, i realize how lonely things can get here. maybe i just need to be alone.
alienation or isolation, i'm not sure. regardless, i wonder where everyone is.
it never seems to feel better, this new life i have. one moment, i seem to have it all, and the next, i've locked myself in a box because it is the most familiar or safe place to be. at least i won't get hurt if i am alone. that i know for sure. but why do i feel this way?
destiny, i suppose.
there was a party at bakers house, and for obvious reasons, i couldn't go. i spent the night painting. i set up a still life and used reds and greens. lots of layering. lots of reductive painting. i'm working towards my potential, as gideon says. no one was here when i got home an hour ago(i assume everyone was there) and it's after 2, and i can still hear the music in the quad. it sounds like a heartbeat...the bass is so loud. a thumping reminder. i just want to go to sleep and pretend tonight never happened. it's all just a reminder of how displaced i can feel here. it's funny how for the past few weeks, i have just wanted to be left alone by everything in my life that is hectic, and now that i have been for the past few days, i realize how lonely things can get here. maybe i just need to be alone.
alienation or isolation, i'm not sure. regardless, i wonder where everyone is.
it never seems to feel better, this new life i have. one moment, i seem to have it all, and the next, i've locked myself in a box because it is the most familiar or safe place to be. at least i won't get hurt if i am alone. that i know for sure. but why do i feel this way?
destiny, i suppose.